


Temptations of the Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

by ladywrangler



Category: Nogizaka46 (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 20:41:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 44,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladywrangler/pseuds/ladywrangler
Summary: Nishino Nanase thinks she's got everything under control in her life. But there's one thing she can't control: the drop-dead gorgeous beauty named Shiraishi Mai.





	1. Real Love

Nishino Nanase was fourteen when she moved to Tokyo for her father’s job. She stood around and watched as her father and older brother lifted in some of their furniture with the local movers.

“Nanase, don’t stand there! Go carry some of the lighter things.” Her mother walked into the doorway with a cardboard box in her hand, labeled with fragile stickers all over it.

Nanase gave a small nod as her father gave her an apologetic look when she went out to help her parents and brother with their things. Just as she was about to lift another cardboard box and placed her bag on top of it, she noticed a pair of sandals stop in front of her.

Nanase peered up to see that it was a brunette girl, who smiled upon making eye contact with her. She couldn’t help but notice that the girl was pretty for a moment.

“Hi there! I’m Shiraishi Mai, but you can call me Maiyan.” The girl suddenly waved at the latter. “I live in the house across yours,” she pointed directly across the street, at a light blue-ish house.

Nanase gave her a curt nod, placing down the box in order to clear her throat and properly greet the girl. It didn’t hurt to know the neighbors nearby, and her parents would probably be relieved at the sight of her making friends instead of holing up in her room all the time.

“I’m Nanase. Nishino Nanase.”

Shiraishi brightened up at the sight of Nanase’s smile, asking where the girl came from and why she moved.

“Where did you move from?”

“My dad moved here for his job, we’re from Osaka.”

Shiraishi nodded in understanding, “It must have sucked to leave your friends and family behind.”

Nanase gave her a small nod, “Well, it can’t be helped after all if it’s for my dad’s job.”

“You’re surprisingly lax about it–have you moved around a lot?”

“No, it’s the first time here.”

“What school will you be going to?” Shiraishi asked, slightly curious as Nishino seemed to be around her age.

“I don’t know yet, but it’ll definitely be one nearby,” Nishino replied, slightly unsure as she had yet to hear anything about the highschool that she would be transferring to.

“I see, hopefully you’ll come to my school!” Shiraishi appeared excited at the thought of walking to school with her new friend, “And you can meet my friends and all–it’ll be fun!”

Nishino smiled wearily to herself, Shiraishi seemed to be in high spirits although nothing was confirmed yet. She didn’t mind though, since she had never met someone so openly friendly and kind.

They spent almost half an hour talking to each other without realizing until they heard a loud thud and something shattering. Nanase was about to ask her friend to stay there when Nanase’s father had stepped out of the house to see where Nanase had went.

His eyes were quick to realize that she was talking to a girl, and widely smiled at the sight. His daughter was already fitting in, slightly relieving him as he knew that it was hard for the girl to part ways with her grandparents.

“Nanase, come here for a second.” He gestured to her.

Nanase nodded, giving Shiraishi an awkward smile before turning to her father.

“Here,” her father suddenly handed her some money, “Take this and go treat your new friend and yourself to something.”

Nanase furrowed her brows, “But–”

He smiled, pressing his index finger to his lips, “Your mother is in a bad mood–one of the movers accidentally dropped her porcelain collection. Go quickly!”

She hurriedly nodded, turning back to Shiraishi who stood there with a wide smile on her face.

“Err…do you want to eat some ice cream?” Nanase asked, clutching the money tightly in her hand as she stood in front of the brunette girl. “But I don’t know where to buy some, so can you show me too?” She shyly admitted, while looking at the ground to avoid the other girl’s stares.

“Sure!” Shiraishi took her hand, surprising the other girl as they walked towards the direction of the convenience store. “Don’t worry, I know you just moved so I’ll show you around too.”

From then on, the two were able to get along well, with Shiraishi knowing that Nanase was lively whenever she was with her and for Nanase, Shiraishi was someone who became her beacon of light after having difficulties fitting in with her classmates.

-

“Nanase, meet my friends!” Shiraishi cheerily smiled as she had spotted the younger girl wearing the same school uniform a few days later.

They would be going to the same high school, while Shiraishi went to school walking with her friends, Matsumura Sayuri and Akimoto Manatsu. Nanase’s parents had bought her a bike to ride from school and back, to which she would find herself giving rides to Shiraishi in the mornings and after school.

Nanase didn’t mind, as she felt that Shiraishi was simply enjoying the sceneries of the days as they shared the ride back and forth. The time that they spent together, grew longer and longer–eventually they’d develop interests in each other’s hobbies and lifestyles.

Nanase’s parents were surprised that she had grown to become more outgoing, and knew that Shiraishi was partly the reason. They didn’t mind though, as they trusted the older girl to become a role model for their daughter who used to hide from the outside world, unable to find a place for herself when she was growing up.

-

Nanase became self-wary of her surroundings when she was sixteen, she never had a crush yet many people did towards her.

What did it mean to crush on someone? Nanase couldn’t wrap her head around the rise of romance and affectionate feelings towards an individual among her peers and juniors. She felt slow at times, but wasn’t very affected by it as she was comfortable at things going at her pace.

“N-Nanase-san!” A boy stuttered as he had bowed ninety degrees in front of her one day, after school and out of the blue.

She was about to walk home with Shiraishi after her club practice had finished when she was suddenly confessed to.

“Will you go out with me?” The boy’s voice trembled as he waited there for her response.

Nanase wasn’t sure what to say, she didn’t want to hurt the boy’s feelings but neither did she want anything to do with it.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m not interested,” she replied, when the boy suddenly lifted his head with a broken smile.

“O-Okay. Thanks for answering me, Nanase-san.”

“…goodbye,” Nanase mumbled awkwardly with a small bow and left, seeing Shriaishi waving at her from afar just then.

“Naachan! Did you wait long?” Shiraishi asked once Nanase was walking towards her direction.

“No, I just finished the art club’s meeting. How was softball practice?” Nanase asked, leaving behind the boy’s rejected confession just moments ago. Just like that, it was easy to break one’s heart and leave it in the past.

-

For the time that she had spent in high school that year, Nanase was not bothered about romantic relationships until she walked into an open confession between Shiraishi and a random boy. She felt uncomfortable standing there, watching her best friend take the flowers from the boy who suddenly engulfed her into a hug.

What was this feeling? No matter how much Nanase tried to shake it off, it kept lingering in her mind. She tried to move, walk, say something, anything to make the world around her move again, but she was frozen in place.

“Nanase!” Shiraishi suddenly called out, after the crowds of students finally dispersed from the commotion caused by the proposal, “I just got asked out to the festival dance!” She excitedly shook the bouquet of flowers in front of Nanase who gave her a forced smile.

“That’s nice,” she said without another word, her body finally listening to her as she turned away. Shiraishi continued to talk to her while clinging onto Nanase’s arm, oblivious of the other girl’s sour mood.

The softness of Shiraishi’s grip onto her arm as they walked to the next class together, felt just right for Nanase.

The scent of floral flowers in Shiraishi’s hair wasn't one that she’d ever forget because she was the one who picked out the perfume for her when they were shopping before the day of the school festival dance. The light purple nail polish. The ribbon on her hair. Even her dress. Almost everything suggested by Shiraishi was approved by Nanase.

What right did that boy, who knew nothing about Shiraishi, have in order to intrude between the two?

Her eyes wandered to the sight of Shiraishi and the boy dancing happily together as she sat there that dreaded day, gazing at the beautiful older girl in a frill purple dress, giggling shyly as the boy had given her another flower bouquet.

At first, she felt threatened by the presence of the boy who greeted her when the dance had begun, but she quickly pushed those negative feelings away, pretending that she was just feeling under the weather. It would be almost an hour later, that Shiraishi finally noticed that Nanase wasn't dancing with anyone, and was dragging him along to talk to her.

Nanase bitterly smiled at the sight of her best friend looking concerned for her as she shook her head to the question of wanting to dance with another boy.

“Really?” Shiraishi asked, as she had shook her head.

“You’re not dancing, so I hope you’ll feel better later.” Shiraishi smiled as the younger girl quietly nodded, slightly refusing to acknowledge the presence of Shiraishi’s date standing next to her.

There was a pang of pain in her chest when she watched her return to the festival dance while holding the boy’s hand instead of hers.

That night Nanase knew by then, in her gut feelings that she was interested in girls. She was becoming interested in her best friend. She was a lesbian.

-

That summer, was the last that Nanase had spent with Shiraishi. Her father broke the news to her one night, with an apologetic smile as he spoke to her. All Nanase heard was white noise, and her eyes began to water.

“I’m sorry, Nanase.”

They had to move again, back to Osaka where her father could work closer to the headquarters of his job. It was much more convenient now that he received a promotion. Nanase tried to rationalize her upset behavior by telling her father that she would be back before they were going to leave.

“I’m going to visit Maiyan’s house,” Nanase said with a heavy heart. “I’ll be back.”

Her parents looked at each other before giving their approval, as that was all they could do to support their daughter’s restlessness as they felt guilty for stripping her away from her closest friend without a note.

Nanase lied to her parents for the first time in her life. She walked near the local beach to calm her mind from the muddy mess that was lingering in her heart.

Shiraishi and that boy seemed close to each other after that one festival dance. It was from there, when Nanase knew that she had no chance to be together with her best friend. And that broke her heart.

She knew that she had fallen too deep when she saw them hold hands, and looked down at hers to see that droplets of tears were slowly falling onto her palm. She realized that she was crying, and quickly wiped them away to hide her sadness when she recalled the image of Shiraishi looking back at her with a smile.

_It must be nice to not fall for your best friend_, she thought.

She decided that it was for the best, to cut off all contact with Shiraishi. Maybe fate could determine if they were meant to be, Nanase believed as she took out her phone in her pocket, before extending her arm back to throw it into the water as far as she could.

She watched it land into the waters with a small splash before turning around to head back home. That small splash was to be like one of the many unheard broken hearts of people who bottled up everything inside and became part of the past.

_Goodbye, Maiyan._

-

Nanase stepped out of her car to enter the back doors to her part-time job and was quickly greeted by her manager, Fukagawa Mai who was on her way to pick up a tray of food and brought it to the customer’s table.

“Good morning, Nanase!”

“Good morning, Fukagawa-san.” Nanase smiled, before heading to the changing room to start her day at work. She tied her hair into a ponytail and threw on a black apron before straightening it out and rolled up her sleeves to help out at the busy restaurant that was started up by Fukagawa herself.

She was now a sophomore in college with a double major in Biology as she held genuine interest in animals, and minor in art since she had a knack for drawing.

Currently, she was doing quite well for herself as she was presented with a brand new car, a blue metallic BMW 440i Gran Coupe by her parents, and shared a dorm with Hashimoto Nanami, another girl she was paired up with through drawing lots for housing.

Hashimoto was a Business Administration major, the type of person who quickly got the job done as she had been working at Fukagawa’s restaurant since she was a freshman in high school. Fukagawa often found herself relying on the younger girl whenever she had something come up and put her up to run the place without her.

“Nanase!” Hashimoto called out as she turned her head to see that the girl was just clocking in.

“Can you bring these plates to table three?” She pointed to the slice of pumpkin pie and another with a lemon blueberry cake. “I gotta whip up someone’s milkshake too. Thanks!”

“Sure,” Nanase took the plates without another word, and headed to the tables that ordered the deserts.

“By the way,” Hashimoto suddenly added, looking in the direction of a girl that was wearing their work uniform, which Nanase had yet to know her name.

“That’s the new girl, Takayama Kazumi. Go help her out since Fukagawa-san is busy handling other orders.”

“Sure, sure,” Nanase nodded without another word, approaching the girl after she was ordered to show the girl around and what to do.

Surprisingly, the new girl was her age and happened to go to the same college as her and Hashimoto. She was also a quick learner and spoke quite fast, so Nanase was relieved that Fukagawa had an eye for people who picked up things quickly.

During break time, Nanase entered the restaurant kitchen station to see that Takayama was reading a book when she looked up to see the latter flash her a quick smile.

As they sat together, Nanase was about to take a bite out of a steak sandwich when Takayama suddenly spoke with her.

“Nanase, do you mind if I call you Naa-chan? I mean, we’re the same age and erm–”

“Sure,” Nanase smiled, it had been a while since she last heard that nickname, which was given to her by Shiraishi.

“You can call me Kazumin, too.” Takayama smiled widely, causing Nanase to flash a quick grin at her.

“Okay. Kazumin, it is.”

Aside from her minor mistakes as a new hiree, Nanase learned that she was a Literature major, who was already trying to get her works published. She had yet to find a company that would recognize her works authentically.

“I hope I can quickly find someone who’s willing to read and critique my work. I’m not on talking terms with my father since he wants me to go into a typical office job…”

Nanase nodded in understanding as her parents were also pressuring her to find something that paid well. She ignored their wishes and instead delved into a world that she found fascinating.

“Naachan, do you mind if I ask you to read my works?” Takayama suddenly asked out of a blue, as Nanase was about to return to work after her short break.

Nanase nodded without hesitation, “Sure.” She smiled, knowing that the latter appeared ecstatic at the sound of her approval.

“Thanks so much, Naachan! I owe you one!” Takyama exclaimed, accidentally spilling her water over when her arms up to do her signature move, _posi-peace_.

“Ah!”

-

Nanase often spent her evenings after work to study at her bed or sketching random things that came to mind, and sometimes went to parties for a fresh breath of air. She was asked by the president of the art club, whom she knew from high school, to design posters for promoting their club, although Nanase wasn't a member but did it out of pure consideration.

As she was on her way to one of her lectures, she noticed the poster that she had drawn was posted on a bulletin board for advertisement, which she had drawn a colorful abstract portrait of a fierce lion. It was enough to catch a few people’s eyes when they passed by the board, which did the job for the president at least.

She turned away, realizing that she was standing there too long and turned at the corner to get to class quickly.

Little did she know, a pair of heels stopped at the same place where Nanase stood just moments ago, and turned to look at the advertisement board as she was on her way to meet her friend before her eyes caught sight of a colorful poster.

Her eyes were about to look away after briefly glancing over the words on the poster when she froze in her steps to take a closer took.

“Designed by…Nishino Nanase?” The words escaped from her mouth as she continued to read the poster’s advert.

Shiraishi looked all over the poster for extra contact information, before noticing that the person was not listed as a member of the club.

“Could it be…?” Shiraishi shook her head, knowing that it might be pure coincidence that their names were the same. She couldn't help but wonder how the girl was doing now, after she had lost contact with her two years ago.

-

As Takayama and Nanase were about to close up the restaurant for the evening as they were placed on the evening shift for the day, Nanase wondered how the slightly older girl was going to get home.

“Kazumin, do you live by?” She asked, Nanase wasn't one who was the type to offer rides but knowing that Takayama was a newbie and shared one class together, she knew better to take care of her as a friend rather than just a co-worker.

“Yes, I live close by so I’ll walk home–”

“I’ll drive you back, so don’t worry about that. It’s a little dark outside.” Nanase replied quickly, as to not seem so intrusive or a nuisance to the other girl.

Takayama smiled, quickly nodding. “Okay! Thanks for letting me know. You’re a really nice person, Naachan.”

Nanase could only smile at the mention of her nickname. Oddly enough, Takayama became someone whom she could easily get along with and felt comfortable enough to talk with, other than Hashimoto.

“No problem.”

-

Nanase thought her week was going great after midterms, to which she was planning to eat out with Takayama and Hashimoto after work. She often dropped off Takayama whenever she had evening shifts and Hashimoto whenever the older girl was planning to return to the dorms to study or something to do on campus.

“Hey–Nanase, get this order to table six for me,” Hashimoto said as she pointed to a tray containing a plate of salmon avocado salad and spinach berry quinoa salad.

“On it already, boss,” Nanase joked before picking up the tray and turned away, Hashimoto was taking over for Fukagawa today. It wouldn’t be surprising if the short haired girl took over the place, but she was more likely to be successful in the corporate world.

-

“…So I asked her to hurry up and bring my bag–”

“Excuse me,” Nanase suddenly stopped in front of table six, causing two pairs of eyes to look at her. She did not look up at the two’s face, holding the tray with the plates on her hands with ease.

“Who ordered the salmon avocado?” She asked.

A girl with short hair raised her hand halfway into the air, “That would be me.” Nanase gave a curt nod as she placed the plate in front of the girl who raised her hand.

“Here you go,” she said.

“…And the other salad is mine.”

Just then, Nanase froze as the familiar voice rang through out her head. She looked up to see that it was who she thought–the ever-so-beautiful Shiraishi Mai.

“Here’s your order,” Nanase paused as she could sense her cheeks turn slightly pink. Shiraishi’s beauty was definitely something that would always make her breath stop to admire it in the moment.

“Thank you…_Nanase_.”

Nanase could feel goosebumps ripple throughout her body as she gave a nod and plastered her signature customer smile to Shiraishi.

“No problem. Enjoy your desert.”

Nanase knew then, that she was still very much in love with the brunette who had clearly recognized her at first sight.

She clenched her jaw, hoping that this sudden encounter wouldn't shake her up and distract her the whole day.

-

“Maiyan, you know her?” Eto Misa, one of Shiraishi’s close friends after Nanase had cut off all contact with her, peered at the girl who was sitting across her.

“What?” Shiraishi raised a brow.

“She didn't have a name tag. Hello? You called her Nanase just now.” Misa rolled her eyes as she picked up a fork to carve out a small piece of the salad that Nanase brought to their table.

“I’ve never seen her before.” She lifted her fork, taking a bite of the greens.

“She’s someone that I haven’t seen in a while, that’s all.” Shiraishi said, as her eyes had never left the back of Nanase who walked back to the counter to pick up another plate.

“Okay, whatever.” Misa continued with their previous conversation but Shiraishi didn’t bother to hear the rest of whatever she had to say, as she stared at Nanase.

Nanase looked quite thinner and lost the baby fats in her cheeks. Her hair tied up with a ponytail emphasized the slender shape of her neck and head size. Shiraishi knew then that Nanase changed quite a lot, although the same could be said for her as well.

She could not help but feel disappointed at the reaction that Nanase had given her after a long time without contact. She wanted to know what happened and what the girl was up to now. Why it took so long for her to finally find her. Nanase became someone…different from the past.

-

Shiraishi was about to exit the restaurant when she noticed that the sudden rain was an inconvenience to her. Misa had gone earlier to head to her first lecture of the day which should have started a quarter of an hour ago.

From afar, Nanase watched the slender backside of Shiraishi who stood at the doorstep of the restaurant.

Of course, Hashimoto did not pretend to notice that her friend was distracted by the mysterious beauty standing outside the door, though she had a small clue of who she was from a previous situation where she had caught a glimpse of Nanase’s phone back at their dorms in their first year.

“Go,” Hashimoto suddenly nudged her from the side, surprising the other girl. “I don’t know who that pretty girl is, but judging from your face, you’re dying to talk to her.”

“What?” Nanase gaped at Hashimoto who pushed her without another word, shooting a wide smile and thumbs up as she took over the next orders.

-

Nanase took a deep breath before she opened the door to the restaurant where Shiraishi stood in wait for the rain to pass.

“Here,” Nanase extended her arm to offer the umbrella that she brought with her. “Take this.”

Nanase’s sudden appearance surprised Shiraishi who then shook her head.

“No thanks, my boyfriend’s going to pick me up.”

Nanase quickly pulled back her arms and awkwardly held the umbrella behind her back.

So she was still seeing someone. Maybe it was the same boyfriend from high school, Nanase thought bitterly to herself.

“Okay, I hope you have a good day.” She quickly turned around and walked away, surprising the other girl again as she did not bother to say another word.

“Wait–” Shiraishi suddenly called out to Nanase with a disappointed look on her face.

“…Why didn't you contact me for the past two years?” She stared at the latter, in hopes that Nanase would tell her something.

Nanase bit her lip, she couldn't waver under Shiraishi’s gaze.

“I lost my phone.” She lied, hoping that the other girl would quickly drop the conversation. She was unhappy and slightly annoyed at Shiraishi’s obliviousness yet she knew that she couldn't blame her for being frustrated.

“I see.” She suddenly held out her hand, surprising Nanase.

“What?”

“Your phone. So I can give you my number, idiot.”

Shiraishi watched as Nanase fumbled to take out her phone from her pocket and opened her screen to see that it was a picture of her and Nanase back in high school. She smiled widely at the sight of the photo.

Nanase did not forget her, Shiraishi knew then as the other girl averted eye contact with her after recognizing the nostalgic photo of the two.

A silver sedan suddenly rolled up to the restaurant, getting the attention of the two.

The window rolled down to reveal a boy’s face that Nanase had never seen before.

“Hey Maiyan! Sorry I’m a little late.” The boy said, before taking a glance at Nanase with a smile.

“Hello there!” He got out of the car to open up an umbrella for Shiraishi to get into the passenger seat.

Nanase awkwardly waved, “Hello.”

She had no idea how to feel at the moment, she just wanted to leave after seeing the exchange of kisses between Shiraishi and her boyfriend.

“Let’s catch up on a lot of things. Okay, Nanase?” Shiraishi let out a smile as Nanase nodded with a hint of frustration and jealousy in her mood.

“Bye bye!”

Nanase lifted up her hand to wave, “See you.”

Just then, Hashimoto popped her head out the restaurant door as Nanase was about to head back in.

“So that’s your dream girl?” The short-haired girl shot her a smug look, causing Nanase to roll her eyes before pushing her back inside the restaurant as the rain began to trickle harder.

“She’s way prettier than the picture on your phone! I would have thought they were different people.” Hashimoto gave her a thumbs up, “You've got good taste. Chasing after someone who’s taken too–”

“Shut up.”

-

“Who was that earlier?” Shiraishi’s boyfriend asked as soon as they took off from the restaurant’s front door.

“A friend that I haven’t seen in a while,” Shiraishi said happily as she glanced at her phone in hopes of a message or call from the other girl. With this encounter now, there was no chance that she’d let the girl slip away from her again.

Nanase wondered if she could send a text to the other girl. Maybe she was waiting for her to message her, Nanase thought as she clenched her phone in her hand.

_It shouldn't hurt to send a message, right?_

Nanase typed out a simple text to Shiraishi, who suddenly called her at that moment.

She hesitated to press the answer button, worried that she wasn't prepared to talk yet. But she knew that it was unfair for her to keep avoiding Shiraishi's questions.

“Hi Nanase!” Shiraishi's voice chirped as soon as she held her phone to her ear.

"Hey Maiyan."

"I'm so glad that I happened to eat at the place you work at! How long have you been working there?"

Nanase smiled as she could hear the familiar cheery voice of the older girl.

"Since the start of the semester, what about you?"

Nanase listened to the girl for nearly an hour, to which she learned that Shiraishi was attending the same university as her, and majored in Japanese Literature.

She was dorming with her friend, Misa whom she briefly interacted with earlier. However, Nanase noticed that she did not mention a word about her boyfriend during their long conversation, but she was thankful since she wasn't ready to talk about it.

"Nanase, I'm so glad that you haven't forgotten me."

What did Shiraishi mean by that?

Nanase tried not to keep her hopes up, as she knew that she couldn't take another heartbreak again.

"Me too," she paused, "I'm happy that we met again."

-

Nanase woke up to the sound of her phone vibrating. She received a text from her roommate, who messaged her that she wasn't going to be home.

She sent a quick reply in response and got up quickly to start off her day.

It seemed like a dream yesterday, talking to Shiraishi until it was late in the night which they had to cut their conversation short and save it for some time later.

She noticed another message from Takayama half an hour ago.

Apparently the girl wanted to meet up with her and asked if she had time today, to discuss a piece of her literature at a coffee shop near by.

It didn't take long for Nanase to respond with an immediate _yes_ and asked the girl about the time they should meet up at.

As soon as she decided that it was a good moment to get up and stretch, she heard her doorbell ring, and went to see who was at her door.

“Hey Nanase!”

She was greeted by a blonde haired girl, Sakurai Reika. “You didn't call me after that night.”

Nanase palmed her face, “How’d you get my address?”

“Your roommie happens to be in my lecture sooo viola!” Reika winked, quickly pressing her lips against Nanase’s without warning and pushed her into the house.

Nanase frowned as she pulled away from Reika, “Enough!”

“What?” Reika’s eyes looked her up and down, “You’re not busy at the moment.”

“W-Well…” Nanase trailed off, she couldn’t tell her that she wanted to stop seeing her after meeting Shiraishi the day before.

_Shiraishi has a boyfriend_, she remembered before throwing away all rational thoughts to pull Reika into her arms.

Why did she need to suddenly drop everything for something that she knew that she’d never have reciprocated?

“Come here already,” she seductively growled into her ear.

Reika smirked, quickly wrapping her arms around Nanase’s neck before leaning in for another kiss.

“Took you long enough.”

-

After Nanase went back to Osaka, she found herself hanging around the wrong crowd, eventually finding comfort in sleeping with other girls and women her age. She wasn’t as innocent as everyone thought when they first met her. At first she dated a girl and made some wrong choices, losing her virginity in the process.

Nanase wasn’t the type to make a big deal out of having her firsts taken away by a girl that she liked for a brief moment. She preferred to be someone’s last, so that she could have it all in the end. Her actions seemed too carefree in the eyes of others, but she couldn’t careless about what they thought. It was the only way she could reclaim something that made her _her_.

“Nanase.”

Reika lightly shook her shoulder, causing her to stir in her sleep and finally opened her eyes to see that it was nearly evening.

“Wanna grab something to eat?”

“No thanks.” Nanase turned to her phone and looked at the time. “Shit.” She almost forgot about the message that Takayama had sent her a few hours ago, and the time that she was planning to meet was in less than an hour.

Reika arched her brow at the sudden remark.

“What?”

“I have a place that I need to go.” She got up and threw on her clothes before grabbing her car keys, “Lock up when you’re done, yeah?”

Reika rolled her eyes, “What, you've got another booty call after this?”

Nanase let slip a snarky response, “Sounds farcical.”

_Sleep with Maiyan?_ That wouldn't happen in a million years. She wouldn't dare think about touching Maiyan, afraid that she’d break off whatever was left of their relationship from years ago.

Reika grinned as she leaned over Nanase, “Sounds like you’ve got some problems. Wanna talk about it?”

Nanase arched a brow at the sight of the blonde hovering over her.

Reika was a mystery sometimes.

The first time they met was at a freshman orientation night, where the seniors went to buy drinks but Reika knew better than to stay around. Just as she was about to leave, she saw Nanase sitting in a corner, crammed between two sweaty seniors who were trying to score a date with her.

Nanase was too shocked to react when one of the seniors kept attempting to make physical contact with her, who instead forced her to down a glass of beer.

Of course, Reika was keeping an eye on the freshman out of concerns when she realized that it was going too far when Nanase began to show signs of drowsiness and inability to respond to the questions thrown at her.

“Excuse me, coming through!” Reika half-shouted as she forced her way through the crowded tables and managed to grab Nanase’s wrist, pulling her away from the senior members who had different motives in mind.

“W-Who are you?” One of them questioned, causing Reika to turn around to give him the finger.

“Her friend, dumbass.”

-

Reika thought that was the end of it, when she’d drop off the girl at her dorm but she realized that Nanase was out cold.

“God, the things I do to help people…” She muttered under her breath when Nanase suddenly leaned over to her with a sly grin.

“Oh, you’re super pretty…”

Reika’s eyes widened in surprise at the latter who heard her.

“W-What the–? Are you sober?! Go home now!”

Nanase shook her head, her mind still trying to grasp the scenery before her eyes, “No…I don’t wanna!”

Reika huffed, knowing that she was too tired to argue and decided to bring her back to her place. People always slept at her place anyways, so she paid no mind to Nanase’s state when she felt something biting onto her earlobe.

“Hey! You’re being a handful here–”

The next thing she knew, Nanase’s lips were against hers, her eyes closed and somehow, the night became a blurred memory for her.

Nanase’s voice was the first thing she heard when she felt her blanket being ripped away from her.

“W-Who are you?!” Nanase pointed at her while clutching onto the blanket tightly to cover up.

“That’s my blanket there!” Reika scowled, sitting up to comb her hair back with her hand, “And mind you, I saved your ass from those creepy guys yesterday!”

“T-Thank you,” Nanase muttered, her cheeks bright red as she was still clutching onto the blanket covering her naked body at that moment, “D-Did…I happen to end up sleeping with you?”

Reika paused for a second, seeing how adorable the girl looked at that very moment.

“Yes,” she sighed, “You were like a feisty animal in bed. And the worst part was that you were drunk.”

“Y-You mean I…?” She pointed to herself in disbelief.

Reika nodded without another word, before getting up to grab a nearby shirt to wear as she was feeling cold, “I don’t mind if you want to sleep with me again. At least sober this time.”

Nanase paused for a brief second, before quietly nodding furiously.

This exchange brought a whole new storm of experiences for Nanase as she’d never thought that Reika was the type to party hard whilst look out for people. Nanase had to admit, she even had a brief period where she developed a crush towards Reika.

It was all in the past now, months ago but the memories were fresh in mind.

-

“You want to hear it?”

Reika grabbed her cheeks and pulled on it, “Of course, we can be more than just fuck buddies.”

Nanase rolled her eyes before finally telling her the whole story. How she met Maiyan. How she found out that she was in love with her. When she watched her friend get swept off her feet by a random boy. How she was running away from the older girl. How she began to seek comfort by sleeping with other women to get rid of her guilty feelings. How they met again after all these years.

“Wow.” Reika stared at Nanase in amazement as she unfolded her past memories. “You’re an asshole for cutting off all ties with her but I don’t blame you. Whatever makes you sleep at night, I guess.”

Nanase scrunched her nose, feeling the blonde twisting the guilt in her with a sharp tongue.

It was true, Shiraishi didn’t deserve to be treated that way. Nanase knew that it was better for her to move on. Maybe she’ll try, so that she doesn’t have to suffer as much.

“I know,” Nanase muttered to herself, as Reika finally got up to grab her clothes off the floor. “She shouldn’t be with someone like me.”

“Oh geez, stop being a Debbie Downer–it’s not your fault that things ended up like this! Well–kind of, just make up with her. Maybe she’ll let you _fuck_ her or something.”

Nanase blushed at the thought of Shiraishi offering herself to her, “What is _wrong_ with you?”

“Uh-uh, that’s you right there.” Reika winked as she fixed her shirt, “I gotta go now, I have a cute girl waiting to take me out for dinner.”

“What?” Nanase blinked as she looked at the other girl as they were heading towards the front door, seeing her out.

“You heard me, she’s been asking me out for months and I know I shouldn't keep her hanging–”

She was cut off by the sight of a brunette standing at the door, staring at the two in surprise.

_Shiraishi Mai._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ao3 readers and nogizaka fans - enjoy this nanamai fic. comment and give feedback if you can, thanks for reading. until then, see you next time.


	2. Real Life

Shiraishi did not expect to see Nanase standing by the door with the infamous Sakurai Reika who was known on campus for sleeping around with both girls and boys. Her eyes did not pretend to notice the blonde’s disheveled hair and slightly unkempt clothing.

After all that trouble of calling the university’s art club’s number to get Nanase’s address, this would be the scene that greeted her first. Shiraishi tried not to seem bothered–but this was getting much more complicated than she thought.

“Oh–your booty call’s here already?” Reika smirked, eyeing Shiraishi from head to toe and back up before turning to Nanase who froze in shock while Shiraishi couldn’t help but notice how the blonde’s body was closely leaning towards the younger girl.

“No! Just–_go_ already you’re going to be late for your dinner date!” Nanase shooed off the blonde, quickly fixing her clothes and hair.

“Hi Maiyan–” Nanase awkwardly greeted her as Shiraishi walked past her and into her house, surprising the other girl by her sudden intrusion without a word.

“Your house looks nice,” Shiraishi forced a smile, clearly bothered by Nanase’s close engagement with the blonde moments ago.

“I didn’t know you were…into _that_,” Shiraishi remarked, causing the younger girl to flinch by her monotonous voice. In the past, Nanase was never vocal about her interests in romantic relations, yet this would become the reason how she found out.

“Yeah, I’m…into women.” Nanase said, hoping that it wouldn't bother the latter as much. She knew Shiraishi wasn't homophobic but who knows, maybe the girl felt disgusted at the sight of her friend sleeping with _the_ Sakurai Reika.

Shiraishi turned to Nanase, with a small smile, “Well, I’m glad that you’re actually interested in _something_.” She noticed that Nanase’s shirt was clumsily worn, and just knew that something took place before she reached the younger girl’s dorm.

Nanase was unexpectedly bold–sleeping with Sakurai Reika who she had heard rumors of. Shiraishi wondered if the blonde had anything to do with Nanase’s drastic attitude change. The Nanase standing before her, became shrouded in mystery within the past two years.

But this was also Nanase, the girl who used to cry at the littlest things. This was Nanase, who would cling onto her lovingly and refused to let go when it was time to separate. This was Nanase, who she loved and saw as a little sister.

And now here she was, completely different from before though traces of her embarrassed state and softness were still there.

Shiraishi tried not to seem bothered and smiled, pulling Nanase by the arm as she decided to push her troubled thoughts aside and focus on the present.

“Do you want to eat dinner with me?”

“Huh?” Nanase arched a brow, as she nodded after hesitating for a second. “Sure,” she gave her a small smile, before asking the older girl to wait for her to change.

Nanase was slightly skeptical about Shiraishi’s sudden offer as it was out of the blue. But there wasn’t anything that seemed out of it at that moment. Nanase didn’t have anything to hide since Shiraishi basically knew about the least thing she wanted to get found out about and caught with.

Shiraishi followed her to her room, curious about how it looked.

“Why are you following me?” Nanase blurted out as she thought the older girl would be waiting in the living room.

Shiraishi shrugged, “I can’t see your room?”

“B-But…” Nanase trailed off, finally giving in as she didn’t have a reason to stop the girl from doing so.

Shiraishi arched a brow, before entering Nanase’s room, which the door sported a cute sign board with a decorative design on it, reading out ‘_Naachan_’ quietly to herself with a small smile.

Nanase’s room was cozy, with earthy colors. Pictures of animals and art drawings were hung up against the wall, there was even a sleeper chair in the corner of her room. Her study desk was scattered with sketches of animal and human anatomies. On her bed were some stuffed plushies, including one that was familiar to her. It was a stuffed grey shark, which Nanase had gotten her a similar one from her family trip to Hawaii.

Nanase grabbed a nearby shirt on her bed after seeing Shiraishi was distracted by her room’s surroundings. She reminded herself to send a text to Takayama later, to apologize for the sudden cancellation of their meeting and asked for a rain check.

Shiraishi was roaming around her room when she noticed some drawers were open, catching a glimpse of something unexpected.

“Wha–” Shiraishi stepped back, stunned at that moment and wondered what Nanase was doing with a sex toy. The brunette was shaken up for a brief second, wondering what had become of Nanase after their blank two year period.

Nanase was definitely not innocent as she thought, quickly shutting it close upon hearing the younger girl’s footsteps approaching her–Nanase had quickly thrown on a simple blouse and denim jeans.

“I’m done changing. Let’s get something to eat–what are you craving for?” Nanase asked, watching Shiraishi turn around suddenly and followed her out her room.

“I’m craving for some meat,” Shiraishi hurriedly chimed in before pausing, “My boyfriend thinks I should go on a diet though.”

Nanase who had led her to her car, silently rolled her eyes as she opened the passenger seat for the older girl.

“Consider it a cheat day, my treat.” Nanase assured her, “One day won’t hurt.”

Shiraishi arched her brow at the sudden remark, before shrugging at the latter as she had gotten in the drivers’ seat before starting up her car.

“Enough about me–what are you into?”

“Eh, whatever you’re up for. I don’t mind–unless you’re still skeptical about eating meat, then we can go for something like pad thai.”

“That sounds like a better option–” Shiraishi smiled as the younger girl nodded, driving off to a restaurant nearby.

“–How’s things going with your family?”

“It’s alright,” Nanase paused, “My dad’s still angry that I didn’t go into business management, it’s not like I’m interested in that kind of stuff.”

“I see,” Shiraishi quietly nodded to herself, thinking that the girl had matured before her eyes–she was simply refusing to admit that Nanase had grown out of her reach. But she knows that she won’t let her slip away, now that they had found each other.

-

Of course, Nanase wasn’t oblivious to the surroundings when Shiraishi stepped foot into the restaurant that she personally recommended her. Everyone’s eyes locked upon the older girl’s beauty as she passed by their tables and sat across Nanase who had pulled out her chair before, and now poured a glass of water for her.

Shiraishi smiled, knowing that Nanase must have done it out of unconsciousness as she worked at a restaurant herself. She didn’t mind, as she found it quite amusing that the younger girl often took care of the people around her, then herself at last.

“Nanase, are you seeing Sakurai?” Shiraishi boldly asked, causing the latter to nearly spit out the water that she was drinking at the moment.

“I’ve heard things about her–and they are not positive.”

Nanase felt as if Shiraishi was being protective of her, but she decided that it wasn’t necessary as their lives were separate from each other.

Different tastes, different circle of friends, different interests. Was she being too nosy? Nanase couldn’t tell, all she wanted was to keep her distance from Shiraishi at that moment.

“We’re not exactly dating,” Nanase calmly replied, “It’s a mutual non-spoken agreement that we made between each other.” It was the truth - she didn’t think much of it as they found pleasure within their friends-with-benefits relationship.

Shiraishi couldn’t utter another word after that, realizing that Nanase was still stubborn, and attempting to break away from her world at that moment.

“Is that so,” she finally replied, “I was just wondering.”

“That’s fine,” Nanase knew she meant well, but she had to draw the line at this point.

_This is how things should be_, Nanase thought to herself as their food had arrived, and now they were back to conversing about other redundant topics as they ate.

_This is the best for both of us. Especially for my own sanity._

-

Sakurai Reika was on her way to her dinner date, when she bumped into someone who had suddenly appeared in front of her.

“Ouch!” She winced as the person suddenly grabbed her by the wrist, “That hurts!”

“I finally found you–you lying bitch!” The stranger struck her across the face and suddenly starting trying to beat her up.

“Ouch! What the f–” Sakurai tried to shield herself from the incoming attacks when she felt them suddenly stop, and the stranger trying to wiggle their way out of someone’s arm lock on her neck.

“Are you okay?” The person who had suddenly appeared in her sight, threw her a worried glance as the stranger under her suddenly elbowed her under the arm lock.

Wakatsuki groaned as the stranger had managed to get away, but tried to focus on the woman in front of her. She quickly approached the blonde with a worried expression as she could see that Sakurai was hurt.

“Would you like me to bring you to a nearby clinic?” Wakatsuki offered, as Sakurai shook her head.

This wasn’t the first time that they had met. Wakatsuki happened to come across Sakurai one day over at her dorm sleeping with her roommate, but she paid no mind to it. It was just a normal day that moment as Sakurai had done countless walk of shames out of the door without looking back, while Wakatsuki’s roommate was still sleeping.

“Oh, hey.” Sakurai greeted as Wakatsuki had just came out of the bathroom after brushing her teeth.

“Hello,” Wakatsuki bowed as she had never met the blonde before whom she presumed to be her roommate’s girlfriend at first. The black long haired girl hadn’t known of Sakurai before, but paid no mind to her as she decided to offer her something to eat before she’d leave.

“No thanks,” the blonde casually waved as she had grabbed her coat and purse, heading out the door, “Instead, tell your roommate not to call me again. Thanks!”

Wakatsuki almost dropped the glass of water that she had just picked up and figured that it was for the best. What had just happened?

“O-Okay?”

-

“Well,” Wakatsuki sighed as she knew that Sakurai was becoming more and more like a stray kitten rather than the bold flirtatious party girl that she was known for.

“I won’t take no for an answer.”

Wakatsuki decided that she would only let the girl go after she was properly patched up–her father was a police man, and she was pursing Criminal Justice Studies. Naturally, her father became her role model as she grew up, learning the hard way that life just had its’ ups and downs.

Sakurai was possibly the opposite of anything she’d ever thought, but she held nothing against her as it was what she wanted to do with her life.

“What? Come on, is it because of last time?” Sakurai rolled her eyes, watching Wakatsuki’s eyebrows furrow as she peered closely at her injured face.

“No, it’s because you’re hurt.” Wakatsuki simply said, “Listen to me this once, and I’ll let you go afterwards. Deal?”

Sakurai wanted to protest, but seeing how the black haired girl seemed so serious at that moment, she had no choice but to oblige.

“Fine,” Sakurai huffed, realizing that this would be the first time in a while, that someone so serious, would still look after her even after all the messy and broken relationships she had caused in the past.

_Screw the dinner date, I guess, S_akurai thought to herself.

-

“Your name?” Wakatsuki asked as she had grabbed a clinic patient form and a pen, sitting next to Sakurai in the waiting room.

“Sakurai Reika,” the blonde simply said. The black haired girl went on to check some boxes and scribbled in blank spaces.

“Date of birth?”

“May 16th, 1994. What’s yours?” Sakurai mindlessly replied, as she had nothing to do but answer the girl’s question as she didn’t want to fill the form herself.

“June 27th, 1994. My name’s Wakatsuki Yumi, by the way. Height and weight?”

“That’s none of your business. And I didn’t ask for your name either,” Sakurai scoffed, before noticing that the girl skipped over them nonetheless.

“I’ll assume that you’re around 5’1,” Wakatsuki said as she noticed the slight height difference between her and the blonde earlier.

“Rude. But whatever, continue on,” Sakurai rolled her eyes, finding the slightly younger girl’s responses as amusing.

“What’s your parents names?”

“They’re not around,” Sakurai simply replied. They were, but she refused to speak on the topic. Sakurai wasn’t one of the fortunate children who were raised in a loving family, and went through periods of self-harm before she would learn to forgive herself slowly at some time when she was in middle school.

“Okay, then what’s your favorite food?” Wakatsuki asked out of the blue.

“That’s not on the paper, stupid.”

“I know, just let me continue since the doctor’s not here yet.”

“I don’t have one.”

“Then can I treat you somewhere after this?” Wakatsuki replied without hesitation.

“What the?” Sakurai furrowed her brows at the sudden proposal, “Don’t you know who I am?”

“The girl who was sleeping at my dorm from a while ago?”

Sakurai was momentarily speechless, as she swore that her roommate could have told the younger girl anything about her that day, but there was nothing else that could be said.

“Okay, fine.”

For the first time in a while, she would eat with someone who she’d never thought to be of such a serious yet confident personality.

-

As Nanase was about to drop off Shiraishi at her place, the older girl suddenly stopped her from getting out of the car with her.

“Wait–” The brunette blurted out, “I had a fight with my roommate, do you mind if I sleep over at your place?”

Nanase was caught off-guard, as she knew that their dorms were literally across the buildings. Of all days, it was today that Hashimoto wasn’t going to be coming home tonight.

As long as she wasn’t going to do anything out of line, then it would be fine. Nanase assured herself before nodding to Shiraishi’s request. This would just be a normal day like in the past, which they used to hang out in each other’s houses and slept over. That was all it was to this request that Shiraishi made, Nanase thought to herself.

But her heart just couldn’t resist the joy of having the older girl next to her, even if it was just for a brief moment.

“Sure, that’s fine. My roommate’s staying over at someone’s apartment for a project so there’s a spare bed you can use.”

Shiraishi quickly nodded, realizing that Nanase didn’t seem to force herself at that moment, willing to let her stay over.

Maybe she’ll be able to break the barriers that surrounded Nanase at once, though it didn’t hurt to try.

-

“Here,” Nanase handed Shiraishi a spare set of clothes to sleep in. The brunette smiled upon seeing the familiar furrowed expression on her face as she went to search for some brand new toiletries to use in a cabinet.

“Go ahead and shower–I’ll get you a toothbrush and towel.” Nanase shot her a glance before turning away to continue digging around for the items, as she knew that Hashimoto had stored them somewhere in their apartment.

“Okay, I’ll be back soon.” Shiraishi couldn’t help but smile to herself. Somehow, she didn’t think that the familiarity of the younger girl’s habits became something she would terribly miss so much.

-

Nanase couldn’t help but gulp a little at the sight of the older girl walking towards her in her bedroom, the brunette’s hair still drenched as she had just finished taking a shower.

“I have a hair dryer in the bathroom closet,” Nanase went to retrieve it before handing it to the older girl who quickly thanked her before she went to shower after her.

“Oh– and the plug outlet’s next to my bed,” Nanase pointed out before she quickly ducked into the bathroom for a shower, not wanting to keep the older girl up too long to sleep.

Shiraishi plugged in the hair dryer, and turned it on before turning around to take a closer look at Nanase’s room.

Somehow, it seemed more disorganized than she originally thought, compared to her room despite sharing the same dorm features and buildings apart.

Maybe it was because the entire room screamed Nanase to her, she continued to blow her hair when she noticed the spine of a sketchbook messily crammed between two thick Biology textbooks.

She walked over to it and opened it out of curiosity to find that the girl was still doodling her self-created fictional character, Doiya-san, even now. She slightly chuckled in amusement, seeing that Nanase was still eccentric in her own unique way. It was only when she flipped past the doodles of the many Doiya-sans and detailed Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure characters, when she noticed some writings that were out of place, unrelated to the sketches.

_It’s okay to be myself._

_I’m only one of the infinite possibilities in the universe._

_Some things aren’t meant to be, but life will continue on relentlessly._

Shiraishi couldn’t help but felt as if the younger girl was battling something. Whoever it was, she hoped that Nanase could feel at peace once she was able to find ground for herself. She quickly stuffed it back into the bookshelf upon hearing the bathroom door creak open and foot steps approaching her.

“I’m done,” Nanase declared as she saw that the older girl was standing by her desk. Her eyes immediately shot in the direction of the sketchbook, which didn’t go unnoticed by the latter’s eyes as she walked towards her.

“My hair’s dry now, thanks for lending me it.” Shiraishi pointed as Nanase went to use it for herself as she had also washed her hair.

“No problem,” Nanase nodded as she was relieved that nothing seemed out of place at that moment, with Shiraishi following after her.

It was amusing, as the older girl knew that she was hiding many things but carelessly left some things out in the open to see–and could possibly uncover more.

“Let me dry your hair,” Shiraishi suddenly asked as Nanase wasn’t even able to say another word as she felt the hair dryer slip away from her hand and into the latter’s. She let herself get dragged to her bed and forced to sit down, while Shiraishi stood in front of her to blow dry her hair.

Nanase stole a glance at the older girl’s face, who seemed to immerse herself into the task. The touch of Shiraishi’s finger tips felt comfortable against her scalp, slowly she would close her eyes to enjoy the older girl’s gentle movements.

Shiraishi smiled to herself, somehow it was a familiar feeling between the two–in the past they blow dried each other’s hair for fun. But it was unexplainable this time, now that they were older.

Shiraishi felt the shorter haired girl’s wet strands of hair slipping between her fingers as she continued to use the blow dryer all over her hair.

“Done!” She chirped as the shorter haired girl’s eyes fluttered open to see Shiraishi’s hand still placed on top of her head.

“Thanks,” Nanase quickly pulled away from her, and took the hair dryer back to the bathroom. “I’ll be sleeping on the couch,” she quickly added as Shiraishi arched a brow upon seeing the latter return to take a blanket out to the living room.

“Isn’t your bed big enough for the both of us?”

Nanase nearly dropped the blanket in her hands as she knew what the older girl was implying.

“Erm…” She trailed off, unsure what to say as the older girl wasn’t going to listen to her anyways.

“C’mon, it’s okay. I feel guilty for crashing already–I could sleep on your couch instead.” Shiraishi proposed, causing Nanase to suddenly flinch.

Of course, she was jumping too far in her assumptions. Nanase shook her head, “It’s okay, just sleep on my bed for now. I’ll go now–”

Shiraishi was quick to stop the younger girl from going anywhere.

“No–can’t you sleep with me tonight?”

Nanase wasn’t even sure what to do now that the brunette said it straight to her face.

“Fine,” she gave in, partially because it was Shiraishi who was asking her. Nothing more to it.

She quickly placed aside her blanket and fixed the extra pillow next to hers, and waited for Shiraishi to lay down first before she’d close the lights.

Nanase could feel the older girl’s weight shift on her bed, as if she were turning to face her in the dark.

“Nanase, you’re really odd.”

The younger girl wasn’t sure what to say, as she knew that the older girl wanted to talk more, despite lying in bed. Pretending to be fast asleep, was extremely idiotic to do, as it wasn’t even a minute since she had closed her bedroom lights.

“What do you mean?” Nanase asked, as she couldn’t turn around to face the other girl, her eyes wide awake as she felt Shiraishi’s body shift closer to her.

_Please don’t do this to me_, Nanase shut her eyes closed, hoping that the older girl wasn’t trying to push her to the edge.

“You’re hiding a lot of things.”

_Because I need to protect myself._

“How so?”

“You used to tell me about many things, but now you’re barely saying anything.” Shiraishi wanted to know the reason why, as Nanase had never let her guard down around her.

“Our lives are different now. That’s the past,” Nanase harshly added, it felt as if the older girl was testing her.

“Is it because you’re seeing Sakurai?”

“That has nothing to do with this,” Nanase sighed to herself, starting to become frustrated at the turn of events. What was Shiraishi trying to get at here, it was all too confusing.

“You’re right,” Shiraishi suddenly said, “It’s none of my business to ask you about that.”

It was silent for a while until Nanase heard her speak again.

“Nanase. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Nanase didn’t seem to think much of it, though it was odd as she could simply ask her anyways.

“I know you’re doing _that_ with Sakurai, but can you do it with me?”

Nanase swore she was hearing things.

“Do what?”

“Please, Nanase. Don’t tell me to repeat myself.” Shiraishi’s voice was trembling.

Nanase couldn’t move, as she was frozen in place at what she was hearing at the moment. This couldn’t be real. What in the world was the older girl thinking?

“…Don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Uh, okay?” Nanase still couldn’t shake off the fact that Shiraishi was asking _her_ of all people. She finally turned around to face the older girl, to which she could barely make out the sight in front of her. She could feel her breath against her, to which she hesitated to move again.

“Nanase–”

“What?” Her shoulders heaved as she couldn’t bear saying anything else again.

“Do–do you want to do it now?”

Nanase cleared her throat, “If that’s what you want,” she said, unsure if she was doing the right thing. She’d do anything for the older girl after all, and it hurt to see that she was still like this to her.

“R-Really?”

Nanase sighed, “So you want to see if it’s any different with a girl?”

“Well–you can say it like that…” Shiraishi could feel her face creeping up with a slight blush, “I know it’s sudden but…I just want to–”

“Okay, I’ll do it because you asked.” Nanase finally sat up and waited for the older girl to do the same, though her voice couldn’t help but tremble nervously in the moment.

Shiraishi had never felt so stiff and nervous in front of her best friend that she hadn’t seen in years. And now she suddenly had the nerve to ask her something so ridiculous.

Nanase was making her feel as if she could let her see everything inside of her–her best friend whom she could fully trust. It had been a long time since she could feel the warmth of shelter and comfort with someone–and with Nanase.

Nanase slowly hovered over Shiraishi as she waited for the older girl to say anything to which she’d slowly reached out to wrap her arms around her neck.

“Can I undress you?” Nanase waited for a response, to which she could barely make out the shadows of Shiraishi who had let out a small nod.

Shiraishi could feel the trembling of Nanase’s hands as they wandered around her body, as if she were trying to find all her sensitive spots as she was being undressed.

Nanase’s cool hands roamed around to unbutton her shirt. She could feel her fingers trail against her spine to unhook her laced bra. Shiraishi watched as Nanase was now more confident. It was all too different to her. But she didn’t mind, because it was Nanase she wanted to be showing it to.

“Can I kiss you?” Nanase said as she undressed the top of the other girl, who nodded without another word.

Nanase’s lips pressed hard against hers, Shiraishi could feel the plump lips of hers trail against her collarbone as she felt Nanase’s hands move down to her exposed breasts, which she began fondling and suddenly tugged on roughly.

Nanase was trying to find the spots that would make Shiraishi moan. All the thoughts she had in her mind was aimed towards making her feel good, so that she could forget the fact that Shiraishi had a boyfriend, and she was cheating on him.

Shiraishi let out a muffled moan as she felt Nanase’s tongue swirl around her nipples and bit it before moving her hand downwards to the gap between her legs.

Nanase slipped her fingers between the wetness in Shiraishi’s legs, causing the older girl’s thighs to twitch in pleasure.

“_Ngh_…”

Nanase slowly began to tease her folds before pushing her fingers in and out before using her thumb to rub against her clit, which was slowly driving Shiraishi crazy.

Shiraishi unconsciously thrusted her core closer to Nanase, looking at her with desperate eyes.

“N…Nanase, please…” She begged, waiting for Nanase to cut the foreplay and get on with fucking her thoroughly.

It didn’t take long for Nanase to grab onto Shiraishi’s thighs with her free hand, as she decided to give the brunette the best finger-fuck of her life and possibly make her beg for more.

It didn’t take long for her to see that Shiraishi’s head was thrashing from side to side, feeling her muscles constrain and suddenly her back arching higher from the pleasure that Nanase was giving her.

“_Nanase_–” She suddenly moaned out, causing the younger girl’s hormonal drive to increase. The shorter girl penetrated her deeper, causing Shiraishi’s walls to tighten around her fingers.

“You feel so good,” Nanase half-whispered into the brunette’s ear as she lightly bit onto her earlobe. Shiraishi could barely utter another word as she felt Nanase’s fingers ramming into her, rendering her speechless as she couldn’t help but feel as if she was about to see the stars.

Nanase could feel her getting closer, and quickly fastened her pace, the sound of Shiraishi’s moans were turning her on–and all she wanted, was to savor this moment. She couldn’t careless what was going to happen, the sight of Shiraishi’s chest heaving upward and her breasts being shoved in front of her face, her neck leaning back–it was too good of an moment to pass up on. She wished she could capture it with a camera, though it was impossible to do so.

“I-I’m going to–” Shiraishi’s soft moans were probably the last thing she’d want to hear if she was on her deathbed for sure.

Nanase leaned over to slip her tongue into Shiraishi’s mouth, relentlessly drilling her with pleasured sensations from every part of her body.

“F-Fuck!” Shiraishi screamed out as Nanase finally made her come undone under her.

“How was it?” Nanase asked, as she couldn’t move just yet, trapping the older girl inbetween as she waited for a response.

“Ah–that felt…” Shiraishi blushed at the sight of Nanase licking her fingers with her cum all over it. “Good, I guess.”

“Do you want to continue?” Nanase asked as she wasn’t sure if the brunette had enough of it, or that she thought it was a mistake to ask her in the first place. A topless Shiraishi, heaving slightly under her sight, was somewhat the last thing she’d want to leave. “I’ll go sleep in the couch–”

“Wait,” Shiraishi grabbed Nanase’s wrist as she was about to remove herself from the bed.

“Can we continue?”

“…Okay,” Nanase’s heart leapt, here she was, screwing out her best friend’s brains, while her roommate was out and her friend practically cheating on her boyfriend. What more did she have to lose? “Are you fine with me using a…dildo?”

She knew it was awkward, but somehow, it seemed as if Shiraishi wasn’t fazed at hearing her say that.

“Whatever you want to use on me–it’s okay.” Shiraishi softly replied, causing Nanase’s heart to nearly jump into her throat.

“Okay then,” Nanase went to grab the shaft that Reika had gotten her for a joke on Christmas, “Tell me if it hurts.” She took off her shirt and proceed to continue as the older girl wanted.

Shiraishi turned bright red at the sight of Nanase with her toned abs–although it was dark and she preferred it to be. How could she be missing out on something this good? She crashed her lips against Nanase’s and slipped her tongue into her mouth, as Nanase finally began to push the thick stock into her.

“_Naachan_–t-that feels good,” Shiraishi moaned into her ear as she had to break away from the kiss, making Nanase want to push the stock even further.

“Are you okay?” Nanase asked, as her forehead was beginning to perspire and she could feel Shiraishi claw onto her back as she began to pick up her speed.

“F-Fuck–!” Shiraishi hissed, as Nanase bit onto her collarbone in response, ramming the shaft into her roughly.

“I-I’m coming–!” It was the cue for Nanase to grab Shiraishi by the hair, hearing the lewd sounds of Shiraishi’s wetness echo throughout the room.

“You’re so dirty, Maiyan.” Nanase whispered in her ear as the older girl suddenly arched her back and finally orgasmed from the high that Nanase had been drilling into her from the start.

Shiraishi let out a moan as Nanase pulled out the shaft from her core and began to lick it up. As Nanase did so, she let out a small whine and slowly moved up to kiss Nanase roughly, before pushing her down to give Nanase the best view of her life.

Shiraishi’s sex drive was off the roof at the moment, as Nanase could see the brunette’s perspiration and messy hair just now, her breasts jiggled a little as she watched the older girl leaned down.

“You said we’re were just starting,” she said, stroking Nanase’s abdominal muscles and licked it before posturing her self to sit on her abs, rubbing her clit all over it.

_Holy fuck_, Nanase’s mind went blank as she watched Shiraishi push her hair to the side and was literally fucking herself on top of her without doing anything.

“_Ngh…_” Shiraishi moan as she grabbed Nanase’s hand and placed it on her breasts, to which the younger girl groped her, mouth slightly open from being stunned. She had just orgasmed _again_ just by grinding ontop of Nanase's abs, which was rock hard and too attractive for her to resist.

“Just watch,” Shiraishi smirked, fixing her position as she hovered over the shaft that was sticking out behind her.

Watching the tip of the shaft being swallowed by Shiraishi caused the younger girl to gulp, before seeing the whole thing buried inside of her. Shiraishi's ass was literally touching against her thighs, meaning that _all_ six-inches of the shaft was inside of her. And that was turning Nanase on even further.

Shiraishi’s hips slowly began to rock forward, before fastening her pace.

“_Oh fuck–_” she moaned, before slamming down hard onto Nanase's thighs. “Shit!” she hissed, continuing to fuck herself ontop of Nanase who was enjoying the view right in front of her. Shiraishi’s breasts were moving wildly by the gravitational force being caused by her up and down motions. Nanase had never felt so enraptured by the love of her life.

“Maiyan,” she said, trying to tease her further, “You’re too slow,” and that caused the older girl to push as close as she could to feel Nanase’s thighs every time she forced herself downwards.

“H-How’s–this now?” Shiraishi smirked, feeling Nanase’s hands holding her by the waist to ram her in, her consciousness only concentrated on pursuing after her orgasms. Her speed suddenly slowed down as she could feel it coming soon, her thighs trembled as Nanase soon pushed her down and grabbed her by the thighs, taking control of her high and finally finished her off.

Shiraishi couldn’t help but admire the muscles in front of her, Nanase’s touch was scorching hot against her skin. Nanase was too much for her, and she loved it that way.

“F-Fuck!” She suddenly screamed out, finally releasing all over Nanase’s thighs, who then took the initiative to taste it. Shiraishi watched as Nanase had cleaned it and finally went down between her legs to lick her slit.

The sound of Shiraishi’s soft moans were certainly deadly, Nanase knew as she decided to stop there as the brunette didn’t seem to have the energy to move now.

She leaned up to whisper into the older girl’s ear, “Good job.”

Shiraishi couldn’t help but nod wearily as Nanase smiled and quickly covered her with a blanket as she decided to end it here.

Shiraishi snuggled up to her, feeling Nanase’s hands fix her hair before she lost her consciousness to sleep. Nanase’s jaw line as she hovered over her, her toned muscles and slender arms, sex with Nanase…was just too different.

But _good_.

-

Nanase woke up the next morning to see that the spot next to her was empty.

She was struck with a feeling of disappointment when she sat up to see a message on the bed dresser.

_Sorry–I have to go. Text me when you’re awake. - Maiyan_

So Shiraishi ran away after their one night stand. Nanase flicked the sticky note over and turned to her side to see that it was actually late in the afternoon.

It was nearly time for her to drive to work. She quickly got up to wash herself in the bathroom, trying to relive the memories of Shiraishi’s body rubbing close to her.

“Fuck!” She quickly turned the cold water on to stop herself from being turned on again. “Maiyan, you can’t do this to me…” She muttered to herself in bitterness. She got to fuck her best friend, but it came at a cost which she now had to deal with. It was going to be awkward seeing her after this.

Nanase quickly moved on to head to work, pushing the thoughts of Maiyan away so that she could focus on her present life.

_It’s alright. This will end everything._

-

“You’re like…glowing,” Hashimoto said once she entered the back room of the restaurant.

“What?” Nanase arched a brow, before putting on her apron. She had just arrived on time to see that the restaurant was bustling with people.

“Must be from all that sex with–” Nanase threw a towel at her before shaking her head.

“Of course not!” She said with a blushing face. “Just get to work already!”

Hashimoto chuckled, pulling the towel off her face and tossed it into a nearby basket, “Whatever you say, _sex beast_.”

Nanase wanted to throw a plate at her but she quickly went to busy herself with the incoming customers after hearing her name getting called by Fukagawa.

-

“Here, order for table seven.” Hashimoto handed the dish plate to Nanase who took it and brought it to the table.

At once, she didn’t think that she would see Shiraishi, her boyfriend and the other girl from the other day.

She forced a smile, placing their order on the table. “Here’s the fillet mignon you ordered. And the beef ribs with a side of greens.”

“Thank you,” Shiraishi said, as this action caused Misa to arch her brow while her boyfriend eyed Nanase as she reached over to place the dish in front of her.

“Thanks,” he said, “We’ve met the other day, right? I didn’t know you worked here.”

Nanase gave a nod before leaning back, “Yes, enjoy your dinner.”

She turned away with out another word, afraid that Shiraishi’s eyes were lingering on her too long. She couldn't slip up again, hoping that the awkwardness between them wouldn’t bother her as much.

_This is okay._

-

“So tell me about your friend, Maiyan.” Her boyfriend leaned on one arm as Misa watched Shiraishi’s hands freeze in the middle of her taking a bite out of the dish.

“–What?” Shiraishi said, “I didn’t hear you.”

She was distracted by the thought of Nanase’s touch. After she had left Nanase’s place, all she could think of, wasn’t the fact that she had basically cheated on her boyfriend, but _Nanase_.

Nanase was gentle, she was comforting, she was everything Shiraishi had never knew that she needed even after all these years of her being missing.

She craved for Nanase. From afar, she could see Nanase’s rolled up sleeves, her biceps flexing slightly as she was reaching over to pick up the empty plates of the customers in front of her who were paying for their meal.

She unconsciously licked her lips, as the two in front of her thought she was too distracted lately.

“Maiyan?” Her boyfriend asked, before reaching out to press his palms against her forehead.

The sudden action caused Shiraishi to flinch as she realized that the two were looking at her with concerned expressions.

“Ah–sorry, I need to use the restroom.” She got up to walk there, before noticing that Nanase had just finished cleaning the table and was on her way back, coming into the same direction as her.

She waited until Nanase looked up to see her.

“Oh–”

“Nanase, can I talk to you in the restroom?” She didn’t wait for Nanase as she entered the restroom.

“S-Sure,” Nanase said, as she watched the older girl open and close the bathroom stalls as if she was looking for people in there.

“What do you want to talk about?” Nanase said, as she watched Shiraishi walk back to her.

“Follow me,” Shiraishi suddenly said, as she grabbed a nearby broomstick and stuck it under the door, preventing anyone from entering the restroom.

“Maiyan, what are you–”

Nanase suddenly found her shirt being grabbed by Shiraishi, and her lips crashing into hers.

“Nanase,” Shiraishi said as she panted, “What have you done to me?”

“W-What?” Nanase’s eyes widened as she watched the older girl grab her hand and shoved it under her skirt.

And boy, was Shiraishi’s thighs drenched.

“Take responsibility,” Shiraishi said before pressing her lips hard against Nanase’s mouth which opened up to stick her tongue in.

It didn’t take long for Nanase to prop up Shiraishi against the sink table and bury her fingers into her skirt.

“Ngh!” Shiraishi could feel Nanase’s fingers penetrate her, curling up as she thrusted in and out of her.

Shiraishi couldn't stand up straight, leaning onto Nanase for support as she felt her core throbbing at the touch of Nanase's fingers rubbing against her clit.

"Fuck...Nanase," she hissed, feeling her high coming in soon, and tightly clenched her thighs.

Nanase knew that she couldn't keep the restroom locked for long, neither could she be staying in there for long. She rubbed her clit and jammed her fingers in, making the latter throw her head back in pleasure.

"Ngh!" Shiraishi finally came hard onto Nanase's fingers and down to her wrists, causing the other girl to flinch in surprise at how much the older girl released.

"You taste good," Nanse said, pulling out her fingers to lick it all up. "Now hurry up and go, your boyfriend and friend is waiting for you."

Shiraishi was slightly annoyed at Nanase's worries, quickly wrapping her legs around her. She wanted Nanase's attention all on her, not the people outside.

"Shut up," she growled, before causing Nanase to pull away from her.

"Maiyan, what the hell are you doing?!" Nanase hissed, hearing the restroom door knob twist and wiggle, "I gotta go–"

"Whatever," Shiraishi said as she fixed her clothes and hair. Without another word, she unhooked the broom from the door and exited the restroom, causing the person in front of her to jump up in surprise as she brushed past her.

Nanase knew then, that Shiraishi was deep trouble. And she was going to be in deep shit if she kept letting the girl have her way, making her do her in a public place where she'd get fired if they were caught.

_What have I done?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no more writing smut for the love of god, i think my fingers are gonna fall off from typing out this sin. anyways it looks like pokemon trainer nanase has unlocked a 'horn-knee maiyan'! ok bye


	3. Real Lies

At the age of 14, Hashimoto Nanami’s life took a 180 turn when her family was suddenly thrown under a crippling weight of debt. She often wandered around the streets after school in search of a job that would allow her to start earning enough money to pay off those debts, even if it was just a single yen.

Many stores rejected her, as she was too young to work at their establishments and feared to be fined for hiring a minor. Thus, she turned to lying about her age as she appeared much more mature than she actually was.

She closed her eyes to take a deep breath in before exhaling and opened her eyes to enter a restaurant that was newly opened in the local shopping district which wasn’t too far from her home.

“Hello,” she greeted the cashier as she was there for an interview. “I’m here to see Fukagawa-san for the position of cashiering and waitress.”

“Oh?” The girl arched a brow as she immediately recognized Hashimoto as someone from her school, though she didn’t have a clue of which grade she was from.

“You’re…”

“Hashimoto Nanami,” the long haired girl said as she was quick to interrupt her, she couldn’t lose this opportunity yet.

“I know,” Fukagawa Mai replied, “You’re too young to work here.”

Hashimoto sighed to herself, maybe it was futile to do anything now that she was found out immediately.

“I’ll try to talk to my father if you’re desperate,” Fukagawa turned to the register to pick up someone’s payment, “I’ve seen you walking around the streets lately, and I’m assuming that it has to do with you looking for work.”

“Yes,” Hashimoto nodded, “I need something, anything for me to help my family’s situation.” Her throat tightened up as she waited for the girl’s response.

“Okay, give me a moment.” Fukagawa pointed for the girl to sit down, as she went to the back of the restaurant.

It wasn’t a few minutes later, that an older man popped out with Fukagawa following along, who walked up to the younger girl sitting on the chair, trying to keep herself composed under the pressure of her own living circumstances.

“Hashimoto Nanami-chan, was it?”

The older Fukagawa crouched down to look at the girl who finally looked at him in the eye, her eyes refusing to back down as he stroked his beard. Something in his gut feeling, told him that he could be the one to lend her a hand in her current living situation.

“Yes, that’s me.”

“I’ll let you work here, under the circumstances of you under the guise of a family relative. It’s illegal if I allow you to work as an employee, but we’ll figure something out later. Is that okay with you?”

Hashimoto’s eyes widened after hearing what the older man had told her, she was able to work–but under circumstances that were very risky as she was not only underage but still a student.

“Y-Yes!”

-

Hashimoto never thought friendliness was something necessary as she considered herself as a co-worker, whenever she was working with the pair of Fukagawa siblings, whom she found both to be quite naive at times but still showed maturity whenever they spoke.

There was a girl who often frequented the place whenever she was working after school, who she learned was a childhood friend of her senior and in the same grade as her.

Eto Misa was the name, as she found herself often wondering how Fukagawa managed to handle the clingy side of the same-aged girl who she wasn’t too fond of, for often purposely excluding her in their conversations.

It wasn’t like she wanted to be included, so Hashimoto continued working at her job nonetheless. However, Fukagawa often called out for her and shared sweets with her.

Though she relented at first, she found it much more easier to please the older girl by accepting her attempts to include her in their little circle at work and some times at school. Misa was reluctant to speak to her, but was aware that the older girl wanted the two to get along.

Hashimoto usually spent her lunch time outside in the school garden, to which she’d take short naps on the bench beside the wall before hearing the bell ring.

It was one day, that she was headed on her way to the garden when she noticed someone crouching behind a tree, and noticed that it was the senior.

She approached her with caution as the girl didn’t seem to notice her until she tapped her shoulder.

“Uwah!” Fukagawa jumped at the slight touch of Hashimoto’s hand on her, “You scared me for a second.”

It was then that Hashimoto quickly noticed that the older girl was looking after a stray kitten. It seemed to be asleep as she had been gently stroking its’ head, to which the latter had to ask where she had found the kitten.

“It was left out the streets when I was on the way to school,” Fukagawa explained while keeping her eyes focused on the tiny fur ball.

“I see, and have you eaten yet?” Hashimoto noticed that the older girl may have been checking up on the kitten during break times. There was clearly little time for her to take care of herself in between, as all Hashimoto saw was the slightly dirtied knees and sweater that was tied around the older girl’s waist.

“Not yet–”

Hashimoto quickly cut her off, “Okay, I’ll get something for you and the kitten. I’m sure it can eat something like tuna, right?”

“Yes! Thank you, Nanami.” Fukagawa smiled at the younger girl who then nodded and quickly went to buy the said items for the older girl.

She smiled to herself, realizing that the girl was becoming much more important to her than before. She couldn’t tell why, but being near the girl often brought her mood up which was something she quickly learned to accept.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad to get along with the girl named Fukagawa Mai. Hashimoto knew then that she had nothing but gratitude towards the girl who was kind and quietly looked after people without making a big deal out of it.

-

Hashimoto was about to open the door to her shared dorm with Nanase when she heard some squeaking noises, followed by a light sound of foot steps scampering around as she entered the dorm.

“Nanase?” She called out, placing the breakfast that she had bought from the bakery nearby on the living room table as she turned to walk towards the younger girl’s bedroom. She made sure to knock a few times, before continuing to call for her.

“Are you there? I’m entering now,” she said, her hand on the knob when the door suddenly opened to reveal the beautiful girl that Nanase had been unconsciously staring at the day before.

“Shh,” the brunette said as she looked at Hashimoto.

“What’s wrong?” Hashimoto asked as she had yet to see what was going on before noticing that Nanase’s bareback could be seen from the corner of her eyes.

It didn’t take long for her to connect the dots as she realized there was another pillow on Nanase’s bed and quickly turned her attention back to the girl, completely bewildered at what she discovered while she was out for the night at her project group member’s place.

“Don’t wake her up, I’m leaving now.” The girl shot her a smile before bowing her head and left without another word.

Now Hashimoto had to stand there, unable to say another word as Nanase had went and did something insane again without warning.

She decided to leave the pastries that she had bought for the younger girl and left for work early, as she was scheduled to open up the restaurant with Fukagawa.

_Nanase,_ _you idiot!_

-

Hashimoto thought that would be the end of it, but seeing how Nanase appeared at work with a different mood than usual, she couldn’t help but make a verbal jab at her without intending to.

“You’re like…glowing,” she said before realizing that she had said it out loud.

“What?”

She chuckled at the girl’s confused expression, “Must be all that sex with–” She was about to say the brunette from the other day, but she didn’t know her name at all.

“Of course not!” A towel was flung at her face, “Just get to work already!”

“Whatever you say, sex _beast_.”

She just couldn’t help but wonder how Nanase could do it–having the guts to sleep with other women without battling an eye.

Meanwhile she herself, was unable to pursue the woman that she found dear to her, but made no move to take her out. What could she do when Fukagawa was busy bustling around to get the customer’s orders completed and delivered immediately?

She was somewhat jealous but did not think that it was any time soon, that she would ask Fukagawa out as she had too many things on her plate by taking over the restaurant. Fukagawa’s father was busy overseas running the newly opened cousin branch of their restaurant.

Hashimoto smiled to herself, nonetheless–the presence of the older girl was something she appreciated, and hoped to stay around longer for.

-

Nanase knew that she was in too far when she saw the way Shiraishi’s eyes stared at her as she was picking up the payment tab for table seven. Shiraishi’s boyfriend and Misa didn’t appear to notice the tension in the air as they had yet to know what had taken place barely a day ago.

The younger girl could finally breathe a sigh of relief as she dropped off the payment tab for the trio before turning away at the sight of Shiraishi’s boyfriend holding hands with Shiraishi.

It was all too bizarre, to be exact as Nanase couldn’t tell if Shiraishi was intending to sleep with her for the purpose of friends-with-benefits or actually experimenting with her.

The experimentation option could be crossed out as Nanase realized that the older girl was coming back to her for more.

It was _more_ than she expected, as Shiraishi’s lips were pressed against hers a little later after she had texted her that she was on her way to her dorm from work.

The way Shiraishi’s eyes twinkled upon seeing her as she was walking down the hallway, the way her mouth had raised from ear to ear, to indirectly form a familiar dimple crease on one side of her cheek.

Nanase liked seeing that mid dimple line and whenever she saw it, it meant that the brunette was in a good mood. Her heart would practically leap at the sight of it–she could never be able to explain it as it was something she genuinely loved. Shiraishi’s upper cheek dimple was a positive sign but she couldn’t trust her just yet.

Shiraishi never said anything outside the circle of their recently regained friendship yet now muddled relationship.

“I thought you and your boyfriend were going home,” Nanase asked as she tried to put her in her place–to remind not only the brunette but herself, that their relationship was somewhat not viewed positively in society. The thought of Shiraishi going back into the arms of her boyfriend after coming here to see her, made her feel nauseous.

Shiraishi furrowed her brows as she couldn’t understand Nanase’s constant need of mentioning the guy that she was seeing. Nanase was sleeping with Sakurai with no strings attached, thus she believed what they had currently, was the same.

“So?”

“_So_,” Nanase heaved a small sigh in disbelief as she turned to look at Shiraishi in the eye with a cold stare.

“Go home now. Goodnight.” She opened her door and quickly went inside, leaving the brunette to stand outside in the hallway alone.

_Don’t get carried away_, Nanase thought to herself, as she hung her coat on the rack by the door before leaning against the door with a muffled scream as she buried her face into her hands.

“It’s not fair.”

_She’s not yours, and never will she ever be._

Shiraishi couldn’t tell what Nanase was thinking, even after what they had done yesterday. Was it her fault for asking her? Nanase never said anything after that, as all she did was do as the older girl asked of her. She was temporarily blinded in the moment when she made her move on the latter–and she was paying for it quickly.

Shiraishi pulled out her phone to text a message to the younger girl, with an apologetic message.

_Sorry Nanase. I’m asking too many selfish things from you and I’m realizing that now._

Nanase noticed her phone vibrate and saw the message from the older girl.

Now, she sighed to herself, this is what they should do to avoid scrutiny from the people around them. This is what she needs to do in order to curb the monster inside of her from awakening and lose sight of everything precious to her.

-

A few weeks passed by quickly as Shiraishi greeted Nanase from time to time, and sent texts to her about her day–it was as if nothing had happened between the two as they conversed normally.

When Nanase arrived at work, it was obvious to those around her, that she was tired and exhausted.

Takayama often offered her a hand in taking over customers’ orders and pushed her into running the cash register.

“Naachan,” Takayama called out once their shifts were over, and that they were just clearing up the last of the customers’ tables, and setting up new plates and silverware.

“Hm?” Nanase peered up to see that Takayama was done setting the tables–she was glad that Fukagawa was letting them work together as they were now used to each other’s habits and formed a flexible teamwork together.

“Are you free tomorrow?” Takayama nervously rubbed her hands as Nanase had just finished setting the last of the tables in the corner, “I thought we could go somewhere to have fun.”

“…I don’t mind,” Nanase nodded quickly, she would be stuck at the dorm with nothing to do–and the last thing she wanted to be doing was think of Shiraishi. It would be insufferable inside–the dorm that used to be her safe haven to recharge her energy from outside, quickly became the last place that she wanted to be in when she was alone.

“I think there’s an animal cafe nearby,” Takayama added, “I thought it would be a good idea to de-stress ourselves after all those exams last week.”

“Sure,” Nanase quickly nodded, as they were heading to the changing room to clock out, “What kind of animals will there be?”

“…Reptiles,” Takayama mumbled, just barely loud enough for the shorter haired girl to hear. “I thought it would cheer you up, because you seemed down lately.”

Nanase smiled at the latter’s consideration, “Then I’d be glad to come with you tomorrow.”

Takayama wasn’t fond of reptiles, especially snakes but knowing that Nanase adored those slithering abominations with rough scales, she would at least try to understand why and face her fears.

At least Nanase was knowledgeable about them and could properly handle them. She smiled as the girl was driving her back home, to which they’d meet in the morning again.

“I’ll text you the address later. Goodnight Naachan–and thanks for driving me home.” Takayama waved as Nanase had her car windows rolled down.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight,” Nanase waved back as she took off, thankful that Takayama was helping her temporarily relieve her worries.

-

As Nanase was dressing up to pick up Takayama at her place the next morning, she noticed that Shiraishi sent her a text message earlier, asking if she wanted to eat something together. She picked up her phone and quickly sent a reply before pocketing her phone and grabbed her car keys.

_Sorry–I’m busy._

Shiraishi furrowed her brows as she had received the text from the younger girl, who she could see from her balcony, was leaving the dorm now. She could be seen walking out with a leather jacket on and tight jeans, heading in the direction of the dorm’s parking lot.

Nanase was avoiding her now, and she had no idea what to do as she tossed her phone on her bed before slumping down face forward. Misa left earlier for her Saturday morning lecture, and her boyfriend was picking up a relative at the airport.

What could she do for the day? She reached out to the familiar grey shark stuffed toy sitting on the corner of her bed, untouched for days and clenched onto it.

_Things were easier back then._

-

“Hey,” Sakurai waved as she leaned over to talk with Nanase after their Biology lecture ended just now, with students hurriedly packing up their belongings and heading to their next destination.

“Hey Reika, I haven’t seen you in a while.” Nanase was distracted by Shiraishi’s sudden distant behavior from her, and tried to curb her worried thoughts by pretending everything was fine.

After she began hanging out with Takayama on campus and in the library to study, Shiraishi slowly stopped talking with her or asking her things through text. She wasn’t sure how to feel–it was as if things were reversing, back to the times when Shiraishi hadn’t found her at work that day.

_Am I happy?_

“Same here,” Sakurai noticed the dark circles under the younger girl’s eyes, “What’s up with you? It looks like you’ve been going through a lot lately.”

“Nothing,” Nanase shook her head, grabbing her notebook and laptop before stuffing it into her bag, “I’ve been thinking a lot about things.”

“Well, I haven’t been around lately since I’m busy now–” Sakurai gave her a mysterious smile afterwards, “I recently bought an interesting toy to play with–I’ll give it to you the next time I see you if you’re busy after this.”

“What?” Nanase furrowed her brows, before turning away from the blonde then turned her head back to her, “You know what–I’ll drop by right now.”

Just a couple of feet away from her, stood Shiraishi and her boyfriend who were walking along side, seemingly immersed in their conversation.

_It’s okay, Nanase. You can do this._

“What’s up with you?” Sakurai peered at Nanase’s face when she noticed her line of sight led up to the brunette that was at their door from a few weeks ago.

“_Ooh_,” Sakurai smirked as she wrapped her arm around the younger girl’s neck, “You totally did _that _with her, didn’t you?”

Nanase quickly whipped her head back to the blonde, “N-No!” She was quick to deny her sudden assumptions which were spot on. “I’ve just been through a lot.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean? C’mon, let’s go.” Sakurai dragged the girl the other way as she decided to lend her a hand–Nanase’s feelings were a little obvious sometimes when she was stressed out.

Right as they went the other way, Shiraishi’s head turned to see the familiar backsides of the blonde and Nanase, who were heading somewhere together. She bit her lower lip in slight curiosity and frustration since Nanase went back to treating her distantly like before.

She turned away, looking at her boyfriend in the eye, “Do you want to eat somewhere?”

“Huh?” He looked at his watch before turning to Shiraishi, “Sorry, I’m a bit busy with my major’s department meetings lately. Do you want me to send you home first?”

“You know what, forget it.” Shiraishi sighed to herself, wondering why she had even started going out with this guy at all.

A few months ago, they met in a cafe to which Shiraishi had forgotten her wallet to pay for her daily dose of caffeine. A kind stranger stepped up to pay for it, which then led into a phone number exchange and eventually acceptance to dating the man whom she found to be considerate and selfless at times, but could not bring herself to fall head over heels over him.

He was thoughtful, handsome, properly raised in a decent family, and well-educated. What else more could she ask for? It felt as if she was trying to shape herself into something that could fit in whenever she was with him.

-

Nanase walked into Sakurai’s apartment which was located near the campus, it seemed as if nothing had moved around when she first saw it from her freshman year.

Clothes scattered everywhere, take-out boxes filled to the brim in the trash, Nanase often dropped by to help her clean whenever she was close by and had some time to kill.

“It’s like nothing changes every time I come here,” Nanase joked, “Whatever I do, it reverts back to its original look. I think your place is haunted–want to call an exorcist over while I’m here?”

Sakurai rolled her eyes as she tossed her purse onto the couch, before walking into her room, “Shut up. And wait here, I think it’s in my room somewhere.”

“Okay,” Nanase nodded as she sat down on the couch, and decided to turn on the TV, flipping through the channels until she found one that intrigued her–Discovery Channel.

She couldn’t help but find herself cleaning the living room and picking up Sakurai’s clothes that were strewn all over the place in the hallways. She tossed them into the laundry basket and dusted her hands, before deciding to take out the trash as well.

It wasn’t until half an hour that Sakurai finally popped out of her room and tossed the item at Nanase’s lap as she had just finished cleaning a portion of the blonde’s place.

“Here! A little something for you since you’re like an all-in-one, friends-with-benefits package deal. A _steal_, to be exact.”

Nanase furrowed her eyebrows as she picked up the box on her lap and flipped it over to read what it was. Her eyes widened as Sakurai walked up behind her and wrapped her arms around her neck, hugging her from behind on the couch.

“A…wireless _vibrator_ that connects to your phone?”

Nanase couldn’t believe it, Sakurai had the weirdest things collecting up in her apartment. Of all things, it could have been some tickets to a movie, detergent, a random textbook–anything but _this_.

“Why are you giving me this?! I don’t want this!”

“Why not? Aren’t you seeing that girl from the other week?” Sakurai arched a brow as Nanase had to give herself a moment to take a deep breath.

“Oh sh–Don’t tell me she’s the _girl _you were talking about…” Sakurai trailed off as Nanase had finally given her a small nod.

“Oh, wow. At least she’s smoking hot. Shouldn’t you be happy that you’re hitting _that_?”

“It’s different,” Nanase rolled her eyes before shaking her head, “It’s not the same when it’s someone that you love–and that she’s seeing someone too.”

The blonde removed her arms from Nanase, and walked around the couch to slump on the open spot next to her.

“So, you’re admitting that you did that with her even after knowing that she has a boyfriend or whatever–and now you’re backing away? That’s stupid.”

Sakurai massaged the side of her temples, as she knew that Nanase had more to say, but waited for her to speak first before she’d respond.

“It’s…just that I don’t know what to do.” Nanase admitted, “She doesn’t say anything more when we’re doing that–and I can’t tell what she’s thinking. I can’t tell if she’s just using me, or sees me as a friend. I can’t take it–it was easier to be around her when we were younger. But now it’s like…here I am, all messed up in the head.”

Sakurai could see how the younger girl was berating herself for being afraid of losing what she had with the brunette.

“…You boxed yourself in when no one else did,” Sakurai finally replied after a period of silence between the two, “You already passed the line with her, and now you’re trying to pretend that nothing happened–that’s not fair for her.”

“…You’re right,” Nanase slowly nodded, taking in her own thoughts as something that she had been using to beat herself up with. “How can I fix this, when she doesn’t know what _she_ wants?”

“If the brunette Barbie is still crawling back to you even after doing that with you, I suggest you to open eyes–she wants more, even though she already knows that it’s wrong. Talk to her about it.”

“…I’ll try,” Nanase pursed her lips, “Thanks for talking with me, Reika.”

“Yeah, whatever. You’re too nice for your own good sometimes–break a leg or something. Like, _really_ break it.”

It was easy for Sakurai to say that, as she never looked back at the things that she created and destroyed at the same time. But for Nanase, it was different as she considered relationships as something sacred–fragile enough to break at the touch of confrontation.

Nanase smiled at the blonde’s words of encouragement, as she decided that it was best if she took on everything now. She had been holding herself back for so long–she was now thinking to owe up to what she tried so desperately to avoid.

Her true self that she had been keeping in slumber for so long, had finally decided to make its’ move.

-

In the life of Shiraishi Mai, everything was given to her as the youngest sister of two siblings. The love that she received, did not cause her to become spoiled nor conceited as it was something she received without saying. The love from her parents, her older sister, her friends, her classmates - she got them easily.

Naturally, there were times when the brunette wasn't able to notice that people were treating her differently compared to others.

_“Here, wear this! You look pretty in this dress.”_

_“Pretty girls should be with handsome boys.”_

_“…Wow, you’re actually a real girly girl.”_

As she grew up, she was surrounded by people who recognized her presence through her beauty. She was gorgeous, and sometimes there were times that even she had to admit, her own physical features were too much to handle.

When she first met Nanase, she noticed that the girl was glum and somewhat shy. She wondered if what they saw in the world was different - her attractive face that let her get away with anything without much resistance and became bold and fierce.

Being next to Nanase made her realize that they were of the same - shared common interests and living in the same neighborhood. The younger girl treated her kindly but it was different from the others around her. She could never put her finger on it, and fell into the belief that Nanase was simply destined to be her friend that she could truly trust.

With Nanase next to her, she was able to see things differently–her world expanded to see the dark side of things of life, which weren’t pleasant, even now, it was the same. That bubble which she lived in, had been popped when Nanase had left without warning.

She wondered what went wrong between them.

To choose to sleep with Nanase despite knowing that she was seeing someone else, was something that she’d never thought to be doing. She knew that she went too far when she saw how tired Nanase seemed lately.

“Maiyan, do you want to watch a movie tonight?” Her boyfriend asked, as she shook her head. They were back at her dorm, to which her boyfriend’s meetings with his department had ended an hour ago.

They were now sitting beside each other, looking at the blank TV screen which Shiraishi hadn’t bothered to turn on–she was sitting in the dark when he suddenly rang the doorbell and turned up at her place without warning.

“No.”

“You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder all day–and the week before. What’s with you?”

Her boyfriend wasn’t finding their relationship getting any better. They had been dating for several months, with him mostly doing all the work of getting her gifts and dates to expensive places for their anniversaries. He had been patient with the girl–but her mind seemed to be thinking of other things whenever they were together.

“Sorry,” Shiraishi murmured, “I’m just stressed out.”

“About what? Let me know what’s making you like this. I don’t like it–”

“It’s my problems,” Shiraishi sighed as she couldn’t tell him what she had been thinking for the past few weeks after Nanase decided to suddenly pretend that what they did, was nothing to her.

“You’re not alone, Maiyan. Share them with me–”

“You know, can you let me be? I already have too much on my plate–and you being nosy isn’t helping me!”

Shiraishi finally burst out in anger, she was tired of having to get dragged around by her boyfriend. He was nice, but she couldn’t help wondering what to do with this relationship that she had with him. She knew that she was being irrational–but she was at fault for lashing out at him, and never budged to do anything for him in return.

“_Nosy?_ You know–” Her boyfriend finally looked at her with a frustrated look, “Do you even_ like_ me?”

“What?” Shiraishi looked at him, “What’s_ this _about now?”

Shiraishi’s boyfriend was speechless.

“I’ve never said anything until now, but you don’t even try with me. I’ve been giving you so much of my time and money with you–you’ve never done anything memorable with me. Can’t you think about what’s it like being in my shoes too? I love you–but you can’t even say the same to me.”

Shiraishi was flabbergasted.

“I’m sorry.” She paused, unable to find the right words to say, her thoughts scattered everywhere, “I didn’t mean for this to happen when we should have ended it long ago.”

Shiraishi bit her lower lip, trying to finding her reason to put an end to this relationship with him. It was true–she had nothing to offer, it was the same with her previous relationships as well.

“–Is that all what you have to say to me?!”

He was becoming furious, completely on the verge of breaking down. There was nothing more heart-crushing than hearing the woman that he truly loved, to say that she never considered their relationship as something special.

“You know what–I don’t want to see you. You’ve probably been seeing someone behind my back all this time–and you’re playing me like a fool!”

Shiraishi’s throat became dry at his stream of assumptions, which hit the bulls eye. Again, her relationships would be brought to an end with a terrible falling out with her now ex-boyfriends.

Without another word, he got up from the couch and stormed out the dorm with loud footsteps.

Shiraishi winced as she heard the door slam close with a loud _bang_, and tried not to worry about him. She knew that he was truly angry at the moment, and had every right to be.

She never gave much thought to the idea of love–physical attraction, and such as it was something that she was constantly given from birth. What did it mean to love someone? Shiraishi took it for granted–people’s feelings that were openly shown to her.

Those people who gave their hearts to her without wanting anything back–it never gave her the opportunity to truly appreciate their affections, especially when there were so many people after her.

_“Shiraishi-san, please go out with me.”_

_“Mai–What do you think about…uh, dating me, your senpai?”_

_“I know you’re underage and a girl too, but…I like you. Will you go out with me?”_

What about Nanase?

She couldn’t figure it out–when she found out that Nanase liked women, she had nothing against it. She knew same-sex couples were common–but to see that Nanase was also included, she couldn’t find it in herself to accept that. She didn’t like seeing the other girl give her affections to someone else, like the girl she saw at work with her a few days ago.

Was it Nanase’s love that she wanted? Or was it because she had no idea how to give love to someone else after constantly being on the receiving side?

Shiraishi bit onto her thumb nail, wondering what she could to do end this misery of people’s affections weighing down on her shoulders. All she could think of, was not people’s emotions towards her, but Nanase–what did she mean to her?

It was as if something struck her at that moment–her heart tumped loudly against her chest upon recognizing her own feelings reaching a point.

She quickly grabbed her bag, and ran out the door without looking back.

Things were slowly piecing together as she knew that all she wanted now, was only Nanase’s affections towards her. And she wanted the younger girl to know that all she wanted, was to be with her.

_I want to tell you something, Nanase. I…_

-

Shiraishi was calling Nanase’s number when she finally found the girl’s car parked outside of the restaurant. The girl wasn’t answering her phone, as she had arrived at her dorm to see that no one was answering her dorm. She was out of breath now, and stopped to take a deep breath to calm herself down after realizing that the younger girl was at work.

She nearly jumped at the sight of Nanase approaching her from behind, as there was something different about her but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

“H-Hi Nanase,” she greeted as if the younger girl was treating her the same as usual with her distant behavior. Her throat tightened upon seeing the dark brown orbs of Nanase’s eyes locking upon her.

She didn’t know where to start as she ran without thinking–finding Nanase was all she had in her mind until she finally did, and was now standing before her. Her hands were trembling nervously as she listened to Nanase speaking to her.

“Maiyan,” Nanase paused, as she looked at the older girl in the eye with intensity, “I need to talk to you–but can we go somewhere private?”

“–Me too,” Shiraishi’s voice finally came out, she nodded as she watched the younger girl walk towards her car and followed her to the parking lot. “I want to tell you something too.”

Nanase’s throat tightened upon hearing her speak as if something terrible was going to happen.

_I have to tell her first before she tells me that it’s over between us._

_Nanase, just listen to me first before you say that you don’t want to see me anymore._

“Okay,” she nodded, “But let’s go somewhere.”

Her heart couldn’t help but prepare for the worst. Shiraishi could be asking to end their friendship, and everything could come to an end after this.

Nanase clenched her fists, her eyes still determined to tell Shiraishi what she had been feeling after all this time.

_It’s okay, Nanase. You have nothing to lose when you’re already down here._

Shiraishi threw a quick glance at Nanase who seemed to be deep in thought as her hand was on the gearshift, as she was driving off the parked pavement and heading back to her dorm.

_You’re doing fine, Maiyan. Nanase has to listen to what I want to say to her, no matter what._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not evil enough to have a truck-kun sitting at the corner waiting to hit nanase or maiyan ;)


	4. Real Luck

Wakatsuki Yumi slipped off her boxing gloves to tighten the hand wraps around her wrist with her teeth. She quickly adjusted her mouth guard into place before getting ready to exchange some punches and jabs against her father.

He smiled seeing how his daughter was warming up her defensive boxing stance against him. As a single father raising his daughter all on his own when his wife suddenly passed away without warning in a car accident, he was thrown under a turmoil period of grief and unhealthy coping habits.

His daughter, Yumi resembled his late-wife so much as she was growing up and became his sole reason to live. Her smile resonated within him–reminding him of who and how he was shaped into the courageous and protective figure he was today.

Eventually, he was able to get back onto his feet and showered his daughter with nothing but love as he took her hand into his, taking her to preschool everyday as he worked at the police department a couple of blocks away.

“Come here, Yumi–Let’s spare!”

“Hai!”

Turning to face him, Wakatsuki did not hesitate as she threw the first punch–a cross, at her father’s head upon his command.

“_Rrrargh!_”

-

Wakatsuki first learned kickboxing when she was six. Her father would take her to the local boxing gym for fun as she saw how he was determined to not falter after her mother was no longer around.

The people who were working there taught her the importance of wearing head gear, hand wraps, body protectors, and shin guards. She saw the ugliness of arrogant people who let their egos get ahead of them and learned the hard way–with bloody noses, sprained wrists and painfully kicked shins.

Her head was spinning as she tried to fight against her footing’s imbalance, her father was not letting his guard down as he had landed a jab against the side of her temple.

“You’re holding back, Yumi.” He smiled, seeing how the young girl had spun around and suddenly pulled a kick against his waist to which he maneuvered smoothly with a sweep and pulled an uppercut.

Wakatsuki grunted in pain as his countermove connected to her jaw, sending her flying back before charging forward to clinch her and threw her down, landing down hard enough to leave her stunned briefly.

“You’ve gotten better at dodging, I must say.” He crouched down to give her a pat on the shoulder after removing his boxing gloves, out of breath as Wakatsuki shut her eyes tightly.

_It’s never ending._

“Let’s spare again sometime, shall we?”

-

Wakatsuki spent her time going to the gym to workout her core muscles, and often stopped by the boxing gym on the other days. Aside from her studies and interest in Criminal Justice, she often found herself stuck. Her feet sunk into the ground, the gravel of the sidewalk was swallowing her whole before a car engine or someone shouting, brought her back to reality.

She was accustomed to the shallowness of misogynistic comments from the people around her, especially as she was raised without her mother. There were times when she went to school and became an outcast for having only a single parent.

_“Oh, she has no mother…”_

_“Those clothes are so boyish–there’s nothing charming about her.”_

_“My mama said to not play with her…”_

Wakatsuki wanted to ignore those whispers which haunted her as she was sitting in her class, hearing her teacher call out her name. She dreaded having to tell her father that she needed him for parent-teacher conferences. When she saw her father reading the school letter after making up excuses for his absence, his apologetic expression was almost clear as day.

She could feel her father’s hands wrapping around her, engulfing her into a warm hug as he had mumbled various apologies to her for not being able to look after her in school. Wakatsuki knew then, that she had nothing but her father to look up to. He tried his hardest to be a responsible parent and she was filled with nothing but gratitude.

Her hand reached out to pat him on his back as he was crouched down to hug her tightly.

“It’s okay, papa.”

-

Wakatsuki looked down at her wristwatch to see that Sakurai was arriving on their little meet up. The blonde seemed to be dressed up, but Wakatsuki paid no mind to it as they had exchanged phone numbers after that clinic incident.

“Oh, you’re here early.” The shorter haired girl smiled as the blonde gave her a curt nod.

“I should be saying that to you,” Sakurai tilted her head to see that Wakatsuki was carrying a duffel bag, the clothes that she was wearing were for working out.

“You’re such an interesting person,” the blonde smiled as they walked off together towards a nearby cafe to study. “I don’t mind it though.”

Wakatsuki wondered what she meant, as they started to spend an increasingly deal of time together–somewhat, Sakurai’s easy-going personality was something she couldn’t help but find herself admiring at times.

“I could say the same to you–you’re amazing in a way that I can’t explain.”

Sakurai arched a brow at the ambiguous reply from the latter. “Are you hitting on me?”

Wakatsuki was about to make a rebuttal at her sudden implications, when the blonde shortly added afterwards, “I was just kidding, you’re just too uptight about things like this.”

The younger girl smiled nonetheless, realizing that the blonde only saw her as a serious person and nothing else–but this was all she had to herself, seeking for the rawness of pure truth and emotions which could only be obtained through looking at things with an earnest and considerate attitude.

She, who was strict and orderly, couldn’t function if met with a disorganized individual. Ironically, that was quickly changing without her realizing. Some times, she wondered what her purpose to live was for. The image of her role model, her father who she looked up to–had been shattered long ago.

_I wonder why I’m stagnating._

“Hey Sakurai–is that your new FWB or…”

A person randomly said as they were seated down at the corner of the quiet cafe, to which they were just going to casually study together.

“_What?_ I have a life outside too.” Sakurai rolled her eyes as she peeked at Wakatsuki from the corner of her eyes, who paid no mind to the woman who suddenly spoke to the blonde sitting across her.

“Oh? That’s a new one. Enjoy your coffee then. Bye!”

“See you,” Sakurai gave a small wave as the person had left afterwards, turning her attention back to Wakatsuki.

“You don’t seem fazed at things like this, hm?” Sakurai asked as Wakatsuki finally looked up at her with a small nod.

“Not at all. It’s your own business after all.” Wakatsuki coolly replied, “Besides, that doesn’t change how I see you anyways.”

The blonde couldn’t help but stare the latter, who continued to work on her lecture assignments. Sakurai did find the younger girl intriguing at first, but quickly realized that she was getting much more closer to her than she thought.

She may be known to sleep around with various people on campus, but that wasn’t the full truth. She only slept with people she found fitting or when she was in the mood–there was nothing more to it. And lately she had found herself adapting to the sudden appearance of the shorter haired girl in her life who randomly asked her to hangout at times.

She picked up the cup of coffee that the latter had ordered for her earlier, pressing her lips at the brink to taste a sip before smiling upon seeing the furrowed brows of the latter as she was studying for her upcoming exam.

_I suppose it isn’t so bad to root myself here for now._

_-_

“Nanase,” Shiraishi breathed out as they sat in the car, stuck at a red traffic light. “I never thought that something like this would happen–”

Nanase gulped, hoping that her words weren’t heading towards the direction that she dreaded the most.

“What?”

Shiraishi sighed to herself, “–I mean, we have to talk about it. I…don’t want us to be split apart again. I know that you probably think that I’m stupid for making you do that…and I’m not going to be surprised if you don’t want us to be friends again.” The brunette quickly shut her mouth after that, realizing that none of the words that came out of her mouth was what she wanted to say.

Nanase clenched her jaw, as she hit the gas after the traffic light turned green. “It’s not like that, Maiyan. It’s true that you told me to do that, but…I don’t mind, because it was you.”

Shiraishi looked down at her hands, clenched tightly as she continued to listen to what Nanase wanted to say. There was certainly a need for a line to be drawn between the two, as they sat in the car together, unable to look at each other in the eye.

“Maiyan.” Nanase paused as she watched the latter finally give her a glance as the streetlights flickered in and out of the car interior. “I know that you’re seeing someone at the moment but…I really like you.”

“Like…as in?”

Nanase knew that she couldn’t hold it back anymore. It was bound to happen and she was slowly preparing herself for the worst.

“Like you, more than just a friend.”

Shiraishi was frozen in her seat as things were slowly making sense to her, though she couldn’t tell Nanase that she wasn’t prepared for that. She wasn’t sure how to feel–Nanase liked her more than platonic friendship.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me anymore after this, or if you leave without saying anything.”

Shiraishi slowly reached out to place her hand on top of Nanase’s, as the latter quickly realized that the older girl wasn’t leaving her just yet.

“Nanase,” Shiraishi paused, “I’m sorry that it took me that long to realize what you felt towards me.”

The younger girl slowly looked away, and felt as if the brunette was going to disappear after this. She tried hard not to waver under the gaze of the other girl, who continued to keep her eyes locked upon the former who continued to focus on the road ahead.

_It’s alright, Nanase. She listened to you in the end._

Nanase could feel her heart thumping loudly against her rib cage. Her hands were already sweating hard against the leather steering wheel, what more did she have to lose now that she laid the options of their realtionship's future in front of the older girl.

“But…” Shiraishi trailed off, hoping that the younger girl wasn’t thinking of running away after this, “Can you wait for me?”

“What?” Nanase turned her head to see that the older girl was still looking at her in the eye. She wasn’t sure how to react as she thought what they had already done, was going to come to an end after her confession.

“I…It was just recently that I realized how much you mean to me–and I know that it’s not fair for me to make you wait now,” Shiraishi pursed her lips, seeing how the younger girl’s brown eyes continued to gaze at her after pulling into a nearby parking curb.

“I fully don’t know how much I feel towards you–but I can assure you that it’s more than just friends.” That was one thing that she could fully bet her life on--she truly did cherish Nanase and certainly felt something different from others when she was around, and that was proving true even now.

Nanase’s eyes widened as she could feel her heart swell, in which the older girl was offering her a chance for their relationship between each other to possibly advance.

“Ah–erm…” The shorter haired girl couldn’t help but move her hands around the steeing wheel out of nervousness, unable to hide her happiness that was forcing her to crack a smile and formed widely upon registering what the brunette just said.

“Okay. I’ll wait for you…Maiyan.”

Nanase gave her a nod as she could see the brunette’s face break into a smile that raised from one cheek to another and would always pierce through her heart.

It was odd but at the same time natural between the two to enjoy each other's company, even if it was for a brief interaction.

“Well,” Shiraishi cleared her throat as she decided that it was better to leave before things would go awry between the two. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“See you,” Nanase waved a little as she felt her ears creeping up a blush, “Thank you, Maiyan.”

“…You’re welcome, Nanase.” Shiraishi gave a small head bow before she turned away, to walk back to her dorm.

Nanase gave one last glance before she decided to drive away, hoping that things would stabilize again–her own feelings were valid, and she knew that nothing else mattered at the moment. She could feel her own heart become lighter each second that passed.

_Now,_ the brunette thought as she clutched onto her bag tightly when she walked up the stairs, towards an elevator before stepping out to see a familiar figure standing outside of her place, _it’s time to step up for my own irresponsibility._

“Maiyan!” Her boyfriend stood there, staggering towards her as she could see a few empty bottles of Hennessys and Courvoisiers laying around. He was intoxicated, which was a rare sight to see. He had been loitering around her door upon finding out that she wasn’t in, and quickly discovered that she had left earlier. Now out of misery, he stood there and ignored the other students who were dorming in the same floor nearby.

“You’re not cheating on me, _right?_” He walked aimlessly to her, trying to see if the brunette was going to tell her the truth or not.

“I’m n-not,” Shiraishi could feel her feet slightly trembling as she knew that her boyfriend was the last person that she’d admit that to.

“You’re lying!” He threw the half-empty bottle in his hand, barely missing the brunette’s head by inches as it shattered loudly behind her.

She flinched as the sound of glass smashing continuously rang in her ears, “Stop it!”

He arched a brow at her, picking up another empty bottle by his feet, “You have no right to say that when I just saw you get out of that bastard’s car!”

It was then, when Shiraishi realized that he had saw her get out of Nanase’s car earlier, “It’s my friend–”

“_What friend?!_ You mean your secret boyfriend that you’ve been fucking?!”

Another bottle whizzed at her head, which she managed to avoid but shattered into pieces and rebounded against the back of her shoulder blade, causing her to stumble forward from the impact.

She clenched her jaw tightly as she could feel her back strike out in pain, her blood starting to soak the back of her clothes.

The noise in the hallway eventually started to cause people in the nearby dorms to gather around and begin recording the scene. A few others began to call the campus police, when Shiraishi realized that her boyfriend wasn’t going to let her go. He grabbed her by the wrist and attempted drag her out of the commotion that was starting to gather up on their floor.

“What the fuck are you looking at!” He hissed to one student who stepped back upon realizing that the situation was slowly escalating.

“Let me go!” Shiraishi tried to wiggle out of his grip as no one wanted to help her–it was then, that she realized no one cared in the least as long as there was something to gain for them. And that would become the last straw for her to care about anything else.

A few students nearby finally confronted her boyfriend as he was unarmed, and quickly slammed into him to push him down against the ground, easily knocking him out cold.

“Keep him down till the police get here,” One student shouted as another held him down by the feet, “And don’t let him escape!”

“Move!” Familiar voices appeared as Shiraishi could see Misa and someone else, pushing everyone aside and started blocking their views.

“Leave now!” Misa yelled as the other students looked away, quickly turning away but refused to leave the scene just yet.

Hashimoto grabbed Shiraishi’s shoulders and quickly realized that the latter was bleeding, without another word she took off her blouse and used it to cover the girl’s shoulder before getting her out of the hallway scene.

“Shit, we need to go _now_.”

-

“You’re insane for that.”

“What?” Shiraishi looked at Hashimoto with furrowed brows as they sat down in the campus clinic, waiting for the doctor to arrive when she noticed that the shorter haired girl’s phone was in hand.

“Did you call her?”

Hashimoto knew who she was implying and simply responded with ease.

“I’m doing that now.”

Shiraishi quickly grabbed Hashimoto’s wrist by the hand as she was about to press the dial button, causing the other girl to look at her by surprise.

“Don’t tell her. I don’t want her to worry about me.”

Hashimoto sighed as she leaned back against the wall, “You’re lucky that we happened to get there in the nick of the time. Eto is probably busy trying to shut everything up down there.”

“I know. Thanks for everything you’ve done and keeping quiet about this.”

Shiraishi hardly knew anything about Hashimoto, but she was thankful that the girl wasn’t nosy and knew when to draw the line for minding her own business at times. At least she knew that Nanase had someone trustworthy besides her, and that she was grateful for her to keep her mouth shut.

“She’ll find out eventually, though.” Hashimoto continued, as they noticed the doctor was arriving and quickly went to get first aid for Shiraishi’s injury which was thankfully not critical but still concerning.

“That’s not happening right now–I’ll deal with it when she does.”

Shiraishi couldn’t help but feel as if Nanase would be upset–she knew that it was a rash decision, but she really did not want the younger girl to stress over this incident.

“Funny,” Hashimoto said as she looked at the brunette, “The both of you are really similar in ways that you hide things from each other.”

“…Maybe we are.” Shiraishi clenched her phone in her hand, wondering if everything would finally settle down though it wasn’t a happy ending for her boyfriend.

-

“I_ told_ you–it’s not my fault!”

“Oh?” One of the campus police officers who had arrived at the scene to arrest him, crossed his arms as he pointed to the monitor that flickered on, “What’s this then?”

The monitor fast forward to the time that he had been loitering around, with other students coming and passing by when he started to kick at the door to Shiraishi’s place.

“_Fuck!_”

-

Takayama Kazumi watched as her father was holding a stack of papers in his hand, waving it around his head as she stood in her room with a glum expression.

"Why won't you listen to me? Writing this garbage won't guarantee your career ahead!" He brandished the papers in front of her face, before using his index finger to push her on the shoulder, "I already have a future perfect for you. It'll make your life easier-yet you won't understand that! You are too naive!"

He brushed past her and stepped on the scattered papers on the ground without looking back. Takayama sighed to herself as she crouched down to pick up the papers that she had planned to bring to Nanase later, to which the younger girl would lift up one of the papers with a mysterious crease in the shape of a footprint as she read through the latter's work at a cafe shop.

"So," Takayama cleared her throat, hoping that the shorter haired girl wouldn't question it, "What do you think?"

"I like the plot so far-it's about a young girl who dreams to be an idol but she has to make many difficult choices. I think it'll be really popular among teens and young adults," Nanase replied, "Girls and women will probably enjoy reading something like this if it has such an in dept coming-of-age moment scene."

"Really?" Takayama's eyes widened as she listened to the latter's simple commentary, every word matter as she strived to improve and improvise her own writings. Writing is indeed a powerful tool as it can bring one's imagination to life, and describe various things to an extent that the readers can visualize themselves in, evoking emotions of all kinds. Writing transcends one's thoughts and perspectives.

Takayama nodded as the latter helped to straighten up her works and tided it into a folder.

"I enjoyed reading it, Kazumin. Thanks for letting me be one of your first readers to an amazing piece." Nanase replied with a smile, as she could see the worries, the strengths and the thoughts of the older girl through her writing.

Takayama nodded furiously, "No, thank you for reading it. I know it's not ready to be published yet, but I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed it!"

Nanase couldn't help but reach out to pat Takayama on the shoulder, "Posi-peace!"

The same-age friend couldn't help but do the pose as well, seeing that Nanase was genuinely sincere about her. She was thankful that she was able to meet Nanase, or else she wouldn't be able to find her own reason to continue writing, as well as strive for the future that she believed was the one that she truly wanted for herself.

"Posi-peace!"

Nanase felt her phone vibrate then and saw a message from Sakurai.

_Isn’t this your girl?_

Nanase furrowed her brows upon seeing a video file linked under her text. Her heart stopped at that moment when she recognized Shiraishi’s clothing despite the blurriness of the video quality before stopping it and quickly called the brunette’s number. Shiraishi wasn’t answering her phone, and that caused her heart rate to speed up in worry.

“Naachan?” Takayama looked at her as she noticed that the latter’s facial expression had suddenly darkened.

“Sorry, I have to go somewhere,” Nanase hurriedly quickly pulled out her wallet and placed a couple of bills on the table as she went towards the direction of Shiraishi’s dorm. Hopefully the girl would be there, or else she’d have to start tracking her down from her roommate, Misa.

“I’ll see you later–”

“Wait–” Takayama called out, as she looked down to see that her papers were about to flutter away if it weren’t for her quick reflexes to grab them before they’d be gone like the wind.

She grabbed her things and stuffed them into her bag before following after the younger girl as she could still be seen turning at the corner of the campus’ financial building. Takayama frowned as she was carrying not only her own things, but Nanase’s as well.

What caused Nanase to have such a panicked expression on her face?

-

Shiraishi heard her doorbell ringing, when she could hear Nanase’s voice from outside.

“Maiyan? Are you there?”

It was just in time that Shiraishi had opened the door when she saw that there was someone standing besides the younger girl. She only saw her a few times, but to see her with Nanase didn’t sit well with her.

“I’m fine, Nanase.” She forced herself to smile, before acknowledging the presence of the other girl that had been standing beside her.

“Really?”

The side of Nanase’s temple was perspiring as she didn’t wait for the elevator to come down, knowing how the dormitory infrastructure wasn’t reliable at times. She was trying to catch her breath when she noticed the patches behind Shiraishi’s neck and through her shirt. She frowned as she couldn’t help but ask the older girl what happened.

“Why didn’t you call me?”

Takayama watched as she noticed that this was someone that Nanase truly liked, and that there was nothing else that seemed to matter to her at that moment. She wasn’t sure if she was somewhat bitter, though she knew she had no reason to feel dislike towards Shiraishi without fully knowing her in person.

“I…think I’ll leave for now, Naachan. Here’s your things,” Takayama handed the younger girl’s bag to her, as she had carried them over out of consideration.

Nanase gave her a quick nod and thanked her out of gratitude, when Shiraishi had walked into the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water for the latter.

“Thank you, Kazumin. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Takayama nodded as she noticed that Shiraishi was standing there by the door, waiting for her to leave.

Somehow, the air was awkward between the two without Nanase realizing before Takayama left to let the two have their own privacy.

“Here,” Shiraishi suddenly offered the glass of water to the younger girl. “You probably ran here as hard as you could.” She could see the younger girl’s shirt drenched in sweat, with her collarbone peeking out and quickly looked away.

_Stupid oblivious Nanase._

Nanase quietly nodded as she took the glass from the latter’s hand, and took a large gulp when she noticed that Shiraishi was staring at her. Her face blushed red as she remembered what had happened last night before quickly thinking about the present.

“Did he do this?” She quietly said, as Shiraishi leaned against the doorway from the kitchen to the living room in front of Nanase, “Where is he?”

“Don’t worry. Misa and your friend took care of it. The campus police took him away yesterday and I’m waiting for a phone call to know when the case is going to wrap up.”

The coolness of Shiraishi’s behavior ticked off Nanase as it felt like she wasn’t considered to be important enough to tell her.

“…You didn’t tell me,” Nanase quietly said, the tone of disappointment in her voice was clear as day.

Shiraishi realized that Nanase wasn’t happy and quickly took to defending herself.

“It’s because I didn’t want you to worry.”

“What if you were seriously injured?” Nanase’s voice quivered a little as she couldn’t stop her voice from showing her feelings, reasonably hurt that the older girl wouldn’t tell her anything more.

“It’s okay now. I’m fine, you know.” Shiraishi knew that she wasn’t consoling the younger girl’s feelings properly. Nanase’s weak expressions were something, Shiraishi bit her lower lip as she watched the younger girl’s fists curl up into a ball.

“It’s not like you’ll go beat him up or anything. Besides, we broke up.” _Through text, but whatever._

“Yeah, but still–”

Nanase felt Shiraishi’s lips press hard against hers, before she drew her head back to look at the younger girl in the eyes.

“Look, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I know that I should have,” Shiraishi muttered as she tried her hardest to push out those words through her teeth. “There’s no way of knowing he would hurt you if I did call you. But trust me, he won’t be able to now.”

Nanase gave her a glum look as she finally nodded, “Okay, I understand. Maiyan.”

Shiraishi couldn’t help but smile upon seeing the younger girl’s expressions softening up as she wrapped her arms around the latter’s neck.

“Besides, I could need someone to help me change my bandages right now.” She was certainly happy to have the younger girl all to herself for the time being.

Nanase blushed slightly upon seeing the older girl lead her to the couch, and went to search for the first aid kit.

“Let me know if it hurts,” Nanase said as she watched the older girl remove her shirt to reveal a dark purple bra, to which she gulped slightly as it would be the first time for her to see Shiraishi’s bare back in the light.

_Now is not the time, Nanase._

It was very rare for Shiraishi to feel jealous–maybe it had been too long since she spent time with Nanase who were one of the few people who could make her feel that way. It was without saying now that she loved Nanase, but never realized it herself whenever she spent time with her and took it for granted.

The girl from earlier, was bugging her but she tried not to seem bothered as Nanase was focused on treating her minor injuries. Shiraishi smiled to herself, upon recognizing that this was the first time in her life to relate to those who claimed that someone meant their whole world to them. Those who offered their hearts without asking for anything back–she never thought it would happen to her, but she was happy nonetheless.

_It’s okay if I have to share you. To have a piece of your love is better than nothing at all._

The door suddenly opened with Misa stepping in when she looked up to see a topless Shiraishi and Nanase sitting right behind her on the couch.

“Oh my god, do you two really have to do it right there?!” Misa shrieked as she saw the two staring at her dumbfounded, “I’m going out again then. Bye!”

“Wait–”

“_Misa! _Stop thinking dirty!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thanks for reading and commenting. hbd maiyan <3


	5. Real Lust

Hashimoto watched Nanase lounge around in their living room, completely out of it as they were on a holiday. The younger girl couldn’t return home as her family was traveling overseas so she decided that it was best to stay in the dorm for the time being.

“Hey Nanase, do you want to go on a trip this weekend?” Hashimoto suddenly spoke, causing the other girl to lift her head and sit up properly as she was interested.

“Sure,” Nanase said without another word. She wasn’t in the mood to go out lately, and hoped that she could keep her mind off Shiraishi by distracting herself with anything new.

She was waiting for the brunette’s response to her confession, which was nearly a week ago. Things were slowly growing better for the two but there was always an awkward atmosphere in the air when they hung out together. Despite allowing Shiraishi time to respond to her feelings, her negative thoughts began to claw at her each day, and slowly became unbearable.

“Alright, cool. We’re planning to go this Saturday–Fukagawa and Takayama is coming along too, just so you know.”

“That’s fine,” Nanase said, nodding as she put away a textbook that she was studying with just moments ago. “Who else is coming?”

“Erm, Fukagawa’s childhood friend and _her_ friend as well too.”

Nanase gave a curt nod as she twirled the sketch pencil in her hand. “Well, that’s not bad then.”

“Oh I forgot to add, Sakurai is coming along too, with a friend tagging along.”

Nanase snorted, “Okay, now that’s awkward.”

Hashitmoto grinned, completely aware that the two’s relationship was far more than just friends.

“Don’t worry, she knows you’re coming and I’ll make sure she’ll keep her hands to herself while we’re having fun.”

“I’ll trust you with that,” Nanase smiled back, shaking her head at her sudden protectiveness. Lately, it seemed as if Sakurai and Nanase had mutual understanding that their friends-with-benefits relationship was to come to an end. The blonde knew that Nanase wasn’t too keen on continuing to meet her when Shiraishi was around.

Nanase smiled to herself, nonetheless. Hopefully she could release some stress through this fun trip this weekend, and enjoy the time off before another wave of exams struck at her.

-

Nanase sat in her car, waiting for Hashimoto so that she could drive to the restaurant and pick up Fukagawa and the others.

“So you invited me because neither of you can drive…how manipulative of you,” Nanase joked, as Hashimoto got into the passenger seat. Nanase didn’t really care, but she found it amusing that neither Fukagawa nor Hashimoto hadn’t taken their driving test yet.

“That’s not it. We wanted you to come with us to have fun, since you’ve been looking a bit down lately,” Hashimoto said as she pulled down the seatbelt and straightened out her shirt. “Did Sakurai do something?”

“No, we’re not in a relationship.” Nanase rolled her eyes, Hashimoto often didn’t hold back some times but she didn’t mind–it was her way of showing concerns towards people.

“But you’re in a sexual relationship,” the older girl sassed back, causing the latter to lightly punch her in annoyance.

“Not anymore.”

Hashimoto arched a brow, as she knew the reason was possibly related to Shiraishi. The older girl didn’t seem to be concerned as all she wanted was the best for the younger girl.

Soon Nanase drove off, reaching the restaurant as soft music was playing in the car.

“I see Fukagawa-san and her friends,” Hashimoto said, unlocking her seat belt as soon as Nanase pulled over to the curb.

“Huh?” Nanase looked up to see Fukagawa and her friends, to which she should have known–it was Misa and _Shiraishi_.

“God–” She muttered under her breath, getting the attention of the latter who was just about to get out of the car to help the women pack their luggage into the back of Nanase’s car.

“Hi Nanase,” Shiraishi waved, upon recognizing Nanase sitting in the car who was reluctant to step out for a brief second.

Shiraishi licked her lips upon the sight of the younger girl walking up to her in a plain white t-shirt where her slender biceps were obvious, a hand in one pocket of her black jeans with a pair of light brown leather Birkenstocks on.

“…Hello,” Nanase said, averting her eyes as she walked past her to pick up the luggage. Shiraishi knew that they were still in the middle of sorting out their relationship between each other.

“Good morning Nanase, you look exceptionally great today,” Misa joked as she could feel the aura that was emitting from the younger girl, causing her to blush slightly.

“Thanks,” the girl took her luggage and lifted it into the trunk of her car before glancing at the remaining load that needed to be loaded.

“Go ahead and sit inside of the car while Hashimoto and I get the luggage,” Nanase said, while Misa gawked at the coolness of the younger girl.

“Hey Nanase, are you single? You’re like–so attractive, own a car and have a job,” Misa teased, while causing Shiraishi to suddenly tense up at her sudden interest in Nanase.

Nanase shook her head, slightly embarrassed for the sudden attention from Misa, quickly wanting to get everything in order so that they could finally head onto their weekend trip.

Misa didn’t seem to mind her after what had happened a few days ago at the dorm. She was rather supportive of their relationship instead, seeing how Shiraishi’s eyes had brightened up lately whenever they happened to encounter Nanase somewhere.

_“This is like the first time I’ve ever seen your eyes sparkling,” Misa said once Shiraishi closed the door after Nanase had parted ways with the two. She rolled her eyes upon turning around to see a mischievous grin etched on the latter’s face._

_“Sooo naughty!” Misa scrunched her nose as she waved her index finger at her in a ‘no’ gesture._

_“Be quiet!” Shiraishi blushed madly, embarrassed that her friend was getting a kick out of teasing her._

_“I really like her though,” Misa said as she followed the brunette to her room, “She’s very caring at least. Unlike that other piece of shit from last night.”_

_Shiraishi sighed, as she was reminded of her ex-boyfriend’s facial expression when she left the dorm after the commotion that he stirred up in the middle of the night. It was terrifying how one’s true personality came to light when things weren’t going right for them._

“Where are we going?” Nanase asked, while setting up her GPS as Fukagawa climbed in to sit in the back with Misa and Shiraishi.

Hashimoto chose to ride shotgun, quickly dusting her hands as she finally closed the passenger door to give her the signal that they were good to go.

“I’ll give you the address, here–”

“Can you load it on my phone?” Nanase suddenly said, as she was starting their drive.

“Sure.” Hashimoto gave a quick nod and reached out to type in the address.

As Hashimoto was adjusting her phone, Shiraishi caught a glimpse of her background, which was now a picture of her dog, a dachshund Mugita.

She was slightly disappointed in Nanase, but she couldn’t help but blame herself for why Nanase was acting indifferent to her now. She knew that she needed to respond to her confession, but there were so many worries that swarmed around in her mind.

-

In the car ride, Fukagawa and Hashimoto were talking about their new recipes and dish ideas for the restaurant, with Misa interjecting new food ingredients for their menu.

Once in a while, Shiraishi would steal a glance at Nanase while she was driving, to admire how her side profile looked when she was serious. Her eyes trailed down to her arms which was holding onto the wheel as she turned to a different pathway towards their destination.

Of course, her stares did not go unnoticed by the younger girl who could see her staring from the rear mirrors.

_Maiyan, you’re starting a little too hard_, Nanase thought while pretending to look as if she was attentive on the road. It was difficult to say anything as she would find herself tensing up at the sight of the brunette.

-

“We’re here,” Hashimoto declared as soon as Nanase swerved into the outside garage space where she could see a large modern ocean villa right before her eyes.

As they exited the car, Nanase and Hashimoto went to unload the luggage so that Fukagawa could lead them to the rooms that they were temporarily staying in.

Hashimoto and Nanase shared a room together while Misa and Shiraishi shared another room. Fukagawa was to have her own room as the villa was hers, and she didn’t seem to mind much about who were planning to share their rooms.

Nanase was relieved about Hashimoto being her roommate, she wouldn’t know what to do if Fukagawa suddenly chose to room with her friend while leaving her with the option to potentially be roomed with Shiraishi.

“Alright, here’s your luggage girls!” Hashimoto said as she pointed to the rows of baggage that both her and Nanase had piled up.

A white sedan suddenly pulled up, getting the group’s attention as they noticed a familiar face whose car window was rolled down.

Nanase recognized Sakurai’s face instantly, Sakurai while assuming the other person was her friend whom she had yet to meet.

“Hi Nanase, Nanamin and Fukagawa-chan!” smiled widely, waving as the other girl that stepped out of the car, introduced herself as Wakatsuki Yumi.

“Nice meeting you, Nanase. I’ve heard a lot about you from Reika.” Wakatsuki smiled while holding out her hand for her to shake.

“Nice to meet you as well,” Nanase took her hand to shake it firmly. “I hope we can get along well.”

“Same here,” Wakatsuki said, though Nanase knew better than to assume that the girl had no further agendas against her, for sleeping with her friend.

“I’ll help get your luggage,” Nanase offered as Wakatsuki nodded.

“That would be great, Reika packed enough for three _weeks _even though we’re only here for three days.” She pointed to the trunk of her car, revealing four large suitcases.

“Unbelievable.”

Nanase let out a chuckle, shaking her head at the mentioned girl before making eye contact with Shiraishi who was next to Sakurai, and Misa who was talking away with her.

It was awkward and she needed to get out of the place for some fresh air, she knew.

“I just got a text from Takayama, she’s going to arrive late or by tomorrow,” Hashimoto suddenly appeared beside the two as they were rolling in the suitcases to the lounge, “She’s dealing with something else before she gets here.”

“That sucks,” Wakatsuki said, “Well, at least she’ll still be here.”

Nanase gave a brief nod as she wondered what had happened with Takayama. It seemed as if the same-aged friend started to speak less and less with her lately, only limiting their social interactions to work-related subjects. She hoped to make up with the latter as she realized how much Takayama’s missing presence was affecting her.

-

Takayama sat nervously in front of an agent from a well-known publishing firm.

“Nice to meet you, Takayama-san.” The agent smiled as they held up their hands to shake as a greeting.

“You recently submitted a piece of your book proposal at our publishers’ office several times and failed. However, this time it looks like your submission managed to catch the eyes of a few editors.”

Takayama wondered if what she was hearing, was actually happening, she had been thinking that her chances of getting signed were slim again.

“R-Really?” Her hands were beginning to tremble nervously as she couldn’t help but realize that things were going in her favor now.

“We’ll let you know when the contract for your work is official,” the agent spoke quickly, seeing that Takayama was clearly excited to see her works being approved.

“I see,” Takayama nodded as the agent smiled.

“There’s more things to do, such as a letter and the synopsis of your book if you really want to be published. We’ll also need the manuscript, and an overall target audience for your novel. There’s no rush, but we should be expecting it in a few months from now.”

“T-Thank you,” Takayama bowed her head as the agent gave her a curt nod, “Is there anything else that you’d like to ask me?”

“N-No,” Takayama couldn’t help but grin widely, she was one step closer to her dream and to prove that her father was wrong about the choices that she made for her own future.

-

Takayama’s father was fully aware of what his daughter had done. There wasn’t anything else he could do, but thought about how the publisher’s meeting with her went.

Earlier, he happened to overhear the voicemail from the publisher’s office and stopped himself from moving as he couldn’t believe what his daughter was doing behind his back.

Although he couldn’t fully support his own daughter’s dreams, he was able to see how hard she was working to prove him wrong–proof that he needed to let her go and move forward. It was a rocky road ahead for her but she wasn’t giving up any time. He sighed as he decided to quietly enjoy his coffee for the day and read the newspapers, as she had suddenly walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

He cleared his throat, seeing how his daughter had yet said a word to him about the meeting. But he could sense Takayama in a good mood, her lips curling up from one side to the other.

“How did the publishing meeting go?”

Takayama thought she had heard wrong when she heard her father suddenly speak to her.

“Eh?”

“Did they think it was good?”

“Y-Yes,” Takayama awkwardly gave a nod, “They’ll give me a phone call once the contract is properly set up.”

“I see.” He picked up the cup of coffee and took a sip, somewhat proud of his daughter after his stubbornness to let her major in the career path that she wanted for herself.

“Congratulations.”

Takayama had no idea what to say other than a quick word of gratitude and went back to her room, ready to have her mother drive her to Fukagawa’s villa.

She wanted to text Nanase about what had happened but stopped herself as she couldn’t help but think back to the time when Shiraishi was staring at her, perhaps in contempt though she wasn’t exactly sure.

She decided that it was best if she told her in person, though it seemed like Nanase would probably just brush it off instead. She clenched her fists tightly before sighing to herself. She didn’t think that her small crush on Nanase would suddenly grow, and come into conflict without knowing.

_It’s fine. Naachan’s just my friend._

-

Once they were done unpacking their things in the room, Nanase checked the time to see that it was now noon. They had been driving for over two hours to get to the villa and were exhausted. She noticed that her car tank needed to be refilled, and that the GPS showed a gas station not too far past their current location. It was a good time for her to get away to cool her head.

“I’m going to refill my gas tank,” she said, getting the approval of Fukagawa as she was planning to use the car refill as an excuse to get away from the oncoming awkwardness between her, Sakurai and Shiraishi.

She got into the car, turning on her engine in hopes that this would be her quick escape from the ongoing chattering of the women in the living room at this moment.

Just as she was about to close her door shut, she heard a knocking sound from the other side of the door–the appearance of Shiraishi surprised her as she hadn’t locked the passenger side of her car yet.

“Hi Nanase,” Shiraishi greeted suddenly out of the blue.

Nanase only rolled down the windows but the brunette had already got in the car, surprising Nanase even further just as she was about to pull away from the villa.

“Hey–”

“I’m coming along too,” she declared as soon as Nanase was able to even realize that the girl wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“What for–?” Nanase asked, feeling her heart rate rise after the sudden intrusion by the other girl.

“I happened to hear that you were going to the gas station, and I needed to buy some tampons for Misa.”

Nanase immediately understood as she adjusted her clutch and moved the gear stick to drive off from the villa.

“...Okay.”

-

The car ride was quiet, as the two had no idea what to say to each other.

“Nanase. I’m sorry for making you wait and acting this way,” Shiraishi said suddenly, causing Nanase to feel goosebumps at her straightforwardness.

_It was going to come to this anyways_, Nanase knew as she continued to drive.

“…What are you talking about now?” Nanase was slowly wondering what the older girl’s intentions were. She wouldn’t do anything to hurt the girl, and that was all she cared about–Shiraishi’s feelings.

“Okay–” Shiraishi suddenly turned to her without hesitating, and nearly caused Nanase to jump back in surprise.

“What?” Nanase said, trying to avoid direct eye contact with her as she continued to watch the road in front of them. She couldn’t look away and end up crashing the car in the middle of nowhere.

Shiraishi was commanding her to stop and have their serious talk now, yet Nanase wasn’t in the least prepared for it and tired from driving for hours.

“Nanase, stop here.”

“Why?” Nanase glanced at her briefly for being absurd, though her heart wasn’t in any way ready to hear what the brunette had to say.

“I need to talk with you. Now.” Shiraishi stared at her hard, pressing her to finally give in and turned to a random curb in a place where it was practically empty but vividly green with the view of the ocean in front of them.

Nanase quickly pulled her gear stick into parking mode and pulled up the clutch, shutting off her car engine.

“Okay,” Nanase said without another word, hoping that Shiraishi would finally respond to her. “What do you want to say?”

Shiraishi suddenly unlocked her seat belt and leaned forward to press her lips hard against Nanase’s, catching the girl off guard by her sudden movements.

“Maiyan, are you crazy?” Nanase hissed, quickly breaking away as the girl told her to climb into the backseat of the car where the windows were tinted.

She thought the older girl was genuinely wanting to sort out what their relationship was, and now she was pulling at her leg by making her stop in the middle of nowhere for _this_.

“Please, Nanase–” Shiraishi pleaded, wanting to have the younger girl push her to the edge _again_. She knew it was unreasonable, but Nanase did say that she would do anything she asked.

Nanase was thrown off yet refused to budge another inch. She should have known that it would end up like this.

“Why don’t you ask someone else to–fuck you?”

She was slowly growing tired of Shiraishi acting irrationally, asking her even when she was fully aware about how she had liked her for so long. Nanase knew that this side of the older girl would leave her shaken up, yet couldn’t find it in her to do anything about it.

Shiraishi shook her head. “Nanase, I swear,” she was desperate, making Nanase slightly guilty for not budging an inch to her pleas. Nanase couldn’t see what Shiraishi truly wanted or thought–which was frustrating.

“God, I wish you didn’t do this to me,” Nanase mumbled to herself before climbing into the back to see that Shiraishi was already undressing herself, by unbuttoning her one piece dress.

“Keep your clothes on,” Nanase said, “We can’t be out for long.”

But Nanase didn’t really care because deep down, she already knew about how much of a despicable person she was herself, which was just as equal to the older girl’s irrational behavior. Her sanity was lost long ago–at the time, she had yet realized that her rationality was already thrown out the window when she saw her again. Nanase knew that their relationship was now unsalvageable, beyond something they once considered friendship and now trapped in it.

There was nothing better than getting to finger-fuck the girl of her dreams even after her heartfelt confession which was uncertain to a degree.

Shiraishi loved the roughness that Nanase was giving her, clawing onto her thighs, biting onto her collarbone, tugging her hair as she kissed her roughly, how her fingers trailed downwards to dig into her underwear and penetrated between the gap of her soaked thighs.

Nanase was fingering the older girl who arched her back, giving her a full display of her breasts sitting out of her bra and unbuttoned dress. She wanted to punish her for treating her as a sexual partner, yet she couldn't because this was Maiyan, the girl that she genuinely loved at the same time.

“Maiyan, you’re so tight,” she half-whispered into her ear as she continued to finger her, even adding a third as she used her thumb to rub her clit.

Shiraishi felt relief at the sensations of Nanase’s fingers going into her, soon feeling that she needed more to fill her up and started grinding on top of them.

“_Ngh!_” She could feel her eyes watering at the sensations that she was receiving through Nanase groping her breasts, tugging onto her nipples, even biting onto it as she continued to put her all into making Shiraishi orgasm hard enough that she could see the stars flying over her head.

“Nanase!” She screamed, feeling her high coming soon, suddenly feeling Nanase’s fingers ram into her, curling each time as she slammed down hard on her hand to hear a slicking noise.

“Oh _god_, Nanase–!” She moaned out, arching her back as far as she could in the constrained space while Nanase felt her tightened up suddenly, shoving her fingers as deep as she could inside of her.

Shiraishi came hard again, but instead of a typical release–she had squirted onto Nanase’s shirt.

“_Ngh…_” The older girl moaned softly as she felt Nanase’s fingers slowly pull out of her, feeling her release trail down her thighs, giving her a ticklish sensation but great satisfaction at the same time.

Shiraishi slumped on top of Nanase who had leaned back to catch her breath. She moved her chin up to face the younger girl with a small smile before lifting her head up to kiss her.

Nanase was filled with mixed emotions at that moment, seeing the love of her life looking so beautiful after orgasming and squirting all over her shirt and was now lying on top of her in the back of her car.

“Nanase,” Shiraishi said, hugging her tightly as she laid her head down to hear her rapid heartbeat and assumed that it was from the exhausting sexual intercourse that she did just now.

“I love you.”

Nanase’s throat was tight at that moment, unable to move as she froze in place. What did she mean by that?

“Maiyan, do you really mean that?” She asked, afraid that the older girl was simply referring to the sex that she had just now.

“I mean it…for fucking me, even though we’re not dating or anything.” Shiraishi added quickly, as if she were pulling strings at her.

_She meant it as friends even after all this._

Nanase tried hard not to get angry for being naive and blindly hoping that Shiraishi was finally beginning to reciprocate her feelings.

“Get up and fix your clothes,” Nanase suddenly said, pushing Shiraishi away. She needed to get some gas as she was expected to and not sit around, brooding about how the brunette was running back to her _again_ for a quick fuck.

“What?” Shiraishi said, as she was ignored by the younger girl who suddenly removed her stained shirt.

Nanase was thankful that she was wearing something underneath her shirt, so that she didn't have to come back to the villa and have herself questionably gawked at for being covered in some questionable clear substance to which only Sakurai could know immediately on sight.

Shiraishi quietly nodded to herself, fixing her undergarments and clothes as the girl waited for her to sit in the passenger seat.

Of course, it took this long for her to recognize how disgusting she was. Yet Nanase did not make a big deal out of it, handing her a clean towel from the car’s trunk to her so that she could wipe herself with.

Oh, how she wished that Nanase could ravage her to the fullest with no one to bother them and not feel guilty for pushing the younger girl to her limits.

-

Nanase and Shiraishi entered the store, while Nanase went to the front to buy something to drink after refilling her car with gas, and Shiraishi looked for toiletries.

“That girl over there with you?” The cashier asked, probably in his late fifties as he arched a brow at Shiraishi.

Nanase nodded as she paid for her drink. Why did he suddenly ask?

It didn't take long for her to realize that the guy wanted to hit on her.

“Oh, I’m interested in her. You mind sharing her number with me or something?”

“She’s taken. That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about there.” Nanase suddenly said, trying to keep the creepy guy off Shiraishi.

The cashier furrowed a brow as he couldn’t grasp the concept of same-sex relationships, as all he could do was constantly egg her on for her number.

“That’s wack. Can you give me her number anyways? We can have a threesome–”

Nanase clenched her fist, almost wanting to punch the guy but quickly held back as he was an perverted idiot.

“Maiyan,” she suddenly called out before grabbing the attention of Shiraishi who looked up at her in surprise.

“Have you found everything you needed?” She asked, holding her hand out to grab for Shiraishi’s wrist.

“W-What’s wrong?” Shiraishi asked, confused by Nanase’s sudden actions. “I was wondering if I should get the generic one or the brand of tampons.” She held up the two, showing them to Nanase who was still holding onto her arm.

“Get the brand, I’ll pay for it.” She suddenly said, causing the older girl to feel as if something was up.

And soon, she realized that there was someone staring at her creepily before turning back to Nanase who had led her up to the cashier and tossed him a bill enough to cover the payment, holding up the branded tampons to let the guy see that she paid for it.

“Keep the change,” she said, quickly pushing the doors to exit the dingy gas station.

“We need to go,” she turned to Shiraishi who was looking back at the doors of the gas station. “I don’t think we should stay here any longer.”

“But I need to–” Shiraishi was quickly cut off by Nanase’s sudden movement to push her into the passenger seat while getting into the other side. What was disturbing Nanase so much that she was on high alert?

“Talk later, we gotta _go!_” Nanase said without another word.

-

On the car ride back, it was quiet until Shiraishi decided to break the silence.

“Thanks for getting us out of there.” She was grateful as she had no idea what was going on until she realized that Nanase was concerned for her safety.

“You’re welcome,” Nanase said, averting eye contact with the other girl while facing forward on the road.

Her heart was racing when Shiraishi had grabbed onto her hand tightly, and even in the car, she was still holding onto it.

It didn't seem like she minded, but for Nanase, her mind was muddled with worries and tiredness.

Her expressions could be seen by Shiraishi, who felt guilty for troubling Nanase from the moment that they met again. It was all her fault for bringing the younger girl into this mess that she created out of her selfishness.

“Nanase, I’m sorry.”

Nanase finally turned her head to look at the other girl who suddenly apologized to her.

“What?”

“You know–make you do all this for me. Don’t…don’t be so nice to me.” Shiraishi seemed so sad at that moment, causing Nanase to clench her jaw.

“I’m doing this because I love you,” her voice quivered, before turning away to exit her car, “And I’d do anything for you. So…as long as you ask me to do anything, I’ll do it for you.”

Nanase finally said it herself, that she was a blind fool in love. What she desperately tried to avoid letting out for so long, had to be said in the end out of frustration so that the weight and capacity of her feelings could be heard over and over again.

Shiraishi was dumbfounded. She should have known from all those times with being with the younger girl, but Nanase never said it herself–Nanase was too forgiving. And all she did, was take advantage of her from the beginning. How could she reciprocate those feelings easily when they carried a heavy burden within her?

-

“Hey Nanase, welcome back!” Sakurai waved, with Wakatsuki standing next to her as they were washing some strawberries. “Are you hungry? Come eat some fruits!”

Fukagawa and Hashimoto were busy cooking while Misa was helping out with placing the silverware and plates on the dining table.

“Sure,” Nanase walked over to Sakurai and picked up a strawberry, to which the blonde suddenly stuffed one in her mouth instead.

Nanase arched her eyebrow at the sudden action when she knew Wakatsuki was standing right there, wondering if they weren’t merely just friends.

“Reika, what the heck!” She muttered after finishing off eating the strawberry as Sakurai suddenly turned to Wakatsuki and did the same action again. Wakatsuki found it amusing nonetheless as she chewed the strawberry, seemingly unfazed at the blonde’s random offering.

“Thanks?”

Nanase wanted to roll her eyes at that moment, when she noticed that Shiraishi was entering the house now.

“Oh, welcome back Maiyan!” Misa suddenly called out, “Did you go with Nanase to the gas station?”

“Yeah, I forgot something in the car.” Shiraishi forced a smile, before heading to the bathroom to wash herself.

Nanase slightly blushed as she knew why the older girl was taking a shower early, and quickly tried to get her mind off of it since she had just confessed to her minutes ago.

“Already taking a shower, Shiraishi?” Fukagawa suddenly said, surprising Shiraishi as she popped her head out into the corridor from the kitchen door.

“Yes, it’s hot outside.”

“You can go swim in the waters outside,” She offered, while the older girl shook her head.

“Sorry, I’m not feeling well at the moment.”

“Oh, I see.” Fukagawa quickly nodded in understanding, “Well, go ahead to rest up then!” She smiled, letting Shiraishi feel relieved that she was an understanding person and not pushy about things.

“Thank you, Fukagawa-san,” Shiraishi gave her a smile before she’d leave.

-

The air became suffocating for Shiraishi once she walked upstairs to shower before getting into bed. Nanase openly reminding her about her feelings after cornering her in the car was so abrupt and sudden that it caused her entire being to feel vulnerable to anything that made a sound.

The sounds of laughter and chattering downstairs made her feel guilty–especially towards Nanase. There wasn’t a reason for her to hide from her after all, but Shiraishi couldn’t pretend to talk with Nanase as if nothing happened.

Nanase was in love with her. What more could she ask from the younger girl? She couldn’t control how her body reacted to Nanase every time she saw her, after that day.

Not to mention, Sakurai Reika was here as well–with her girlfriend. Shouldn’t she be happy to know that Nanase wasn’t sleeping with her now?

Shiraishi’s thoughts began accumulating a negative mass within herself. It’s not her fault that things ended up this way. Nanase went and did as she asked, she could have refused despite having unrequited feelings towards her.

In the end, the girl could only lay there, closing her eyes in attempts of sleeping on her problems. She did not want everything to collapse on her and put a strain on herself.

-

Nanase wondered if what she said was the right thing to do. She watched as Sakurai and Wakatsuki were talking to each other casually, how the latter’s eyes were sparkling at her–the eyes of someone truly in love.

She turned to face Hashimoto and Fukagawa, who were then joined by Misa. It seems like things were going fine for now, since Shiraishi wasn’t joining them for dinner as everyone was told that she wasn’t feel well.

“Nanase.” Hashimoto suddenly spoke to her, as the younger girl turned to see that the older girl was looking at her with a serious expression.

“Can you tell me what’s going on between you and Shiraishi?”

She went in for the kill in front of her.

Nanase let out a weak smile, “So you’re aware of how our relationship is?”

Hashimoto gave a small nod, “Just so you know,” she leaned in towards Nanase so that the others couldn’t hear her.

“I saw Shiraishi leave when I was coming home a few weeks ago.”

Nanase blinked, before realizing what Hashimoto was referring to, “Ah. So you already knew from before.”

_That night was definitely the cause of everything that led to this_, Nanase thought before shaking away her thoughts.

Hashimoto smiled at her before shaking her head at the younger girl, “I honestly didn’t want to pry into your private life, but you’re dealing with a lot.”

Nanase slowly nodded. “Yeah. But she told me to…”

“I know, which is why I wanted to let you know that I’m here for you. And I will not forgive Shiraishi if she continues to use you.”

Nanase snapped her head towards Hashimoto in annoyance, “She’s not using me!” Nanase wanted to deny it, though the older girl was being realistic. Even then, a part of her was already lost.

“Tell me about it.” Hashimoto arched a brow at the younger girl who became defensive at her concerns towards her. “It’s because I care about you. I know you hardly talk about your past, but I really want you to move forward from it. Especially with Shiraishi.”

“It’s not that easy,” Nanase muttered under her breath, covering her face with her hands in frustration as she was walking in circles.

“…Even I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes.”

Hashimoto shook her head before leaning over to drape her arm around Nanase’s shoulder, looking away from the latter as she smiled bitterly to herself.

“I know. So don’t look so sad.”

-

Nanase opened her eyes to see the sunlight shine over the bedroom floor shared with Hashimoto. Somewhat, Nanase knew that Shiraishi would avoid her until she made up her mind about her confession from yesterday. The older girl didn’t come down for dinner, thus causing Misa to bring up something for her to eat.

For now, she’ll enjoy the breeze with the other girls and hope for the best that Shiraishi suddenly pretends that she doesn't exist.

Just as she walked downstairs, the sound of excited Takayama’s voice caught her by surprise as she couldn’t help but grin at the sight of her friend waving at her.

“Hi Naachan!” Takayama cheerily smiled, before turning to her with a plate full of desserts in her hand. “I’m sorry that I couldn't come with you guys yesterday, so I had my mom drive me here this morning.”

“That’s fine,” Nanase smiled, before shaking her head at the desserts that were presented to her, “I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. I’ll have some later, thanks.”

“Okay!” Takayama instantly noticed the dark circles under the latter’s eyes, deciding to cheer up Nanase first before she’d talk with her again about what had happened before.

From afar, Shiraishi watched Nanase and Takayama talking to each other, while she was cautious of being noticed by anyone.

“What are you doing?” Misa suddenly asked, as she was in her bikini. “Nanase’s going to drive us to the beach later, and apparently Hashimoto’s already there with Maimai and Wakatsuki to set up the barbecue grill there.”

“O-Okay. I’ll get my swimming suit then.”

Shiraishi tried to seem excited despite knowing that it would be an awkward car ride along the way. Hopefully things would go by quickly–and that she’d have to respond to Nanase’s confession at some point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maiyan thinking with her coochie, mane


	6. Real Loss

“Hey guys–let’s hit the beach!” Eto exclaimed as soon as she entered the backseat with Shiraishi, who was wearing a zipped-up hoodie and beach sandals, her hair evidently tied up in a knotted-braid fashion. Reika smirked upon seeing it before stealing a glance at Nanase’s reaction.

Reika leaned in to whisper into Nanase’s ear as the girl was avoiding eye contact with Shiraishi, “Her hair’s pretty, isn’t it?”

“…Mhmm.” Nanase had to admit, she was curious about Shiraishi’s bikini and hoped that it wouldn’t cause her to act like a fool.

The car ride was thankfully easygoing with the voice of Eto and Reika noisily conversing with Takayama about fashion that they found appealing among their peers. Shiraishi often spoke but kept her eyes on Nanase from time to time as she had hardly spoken a word to them.

“Nanase, what kind of fashion do you like?” Reika suddenly turned to her with a mysterious motive in mind, causing Shiraishi to look at her.

“I like simple ones like buttoned-up shirts or earthy colors. I also prefer abstract fashion too.” Nanase smiled awkwardly as Takayama suddenly added, “Naachan really likes to hear loose clothing!”

Shiraishi’s shoulders stirred uncomfortably at the sound of Nanase’s nickname casually being dropped by Takayama. Sure, she didn’t know much about the relationship between Nanase and her, but it did pique her interest.

“So I heard Nanase helps you out at work sometimes?” Reika asked, interested in the latter who seemed to be unaware of the rising tension in the car.

“Yes,” Takayama smiled widely as she looked at Nanase, “Naachan’s really kind and cool. She’s super reliable.”

Nanase awkwardly smiled when she noticed Shiraishi’s eyes on her when she turned to look at the girls who were busy carrying the conversation elsewhere, when it was Reika who was testing the waters for something.

_“From the looks of it, you did it with the pretty brunette didn’t you?” Reika remarked once she was close enough to Nanase to whisper to her about her thoughts after yesterday._

_“…What?” Nanase furrowed her brows._

_“Don’t play dumb, I know someone’s face when they had sex.” Sakurai held up two fingers and wiggled them in front of the latter’s face._

_“Stop that!” Nanase blushed furiously as Reika continued to smirk at her when she saw Shiraishi coming downstairs for a glass of water while the others chatted away casually._

_“I confessed to her.”_

_“Oh?” Reika was slightly surprised, at the sudden revelation._

_“What did she say?”_

_Nanase sighed, “She wants me to give her some time to think about it.”_

_The blonde frowned as she thought Shiraishi would immediately accept the younger girl. Heck, if she had never met Wakatsuki, she would date Nanase for fun even if their personalities clashed a bit._

_“If it doesn’t go well, just keep your hopes up that she might want to keep you as a fuck-buddy.”_

_“I don’t want that,” Nanase muttered gloomily, causing Reika to arch a brow at her frustrations._

_“I’ll give her a piece of my mind.”_

_Nanase rolled her eyes, “And what’s that going to do?”_

_Reika shrugged afterwards, after seeing how Wakatsuki had just exited the bathroom. _ _“If you tease her a little, maybe she’ll come crawling back to you.”_

_“Your advice isn’t helping me this time.” Nanase couldn’t afford to let Shiraishi keep her finger wrapped around her any longer._

_Reika pouted, “Sheesh, I’m just telling you how I see it.”_

_Nanase shook her head before turning away from Reika to grab another bite from the kitchen, where Eto and Hashimoto appeared to be in some sort of contest against each other as Fukagawa looked at them._

_“My, my! You two aren't letting up on drinking, eh!”_

_Nanase often wondered what was the tension between Eto and Hashimoto was emitting from and behold, it was a new discovery that they were fighting for the attention of the older Fukagawa._

_Regardless, she’ll be supporting her friend of two years, of course._

_“Ahh! I lost.”_

_Hashimoto watched as Eto and Fukagawa shared a drink together, who then frowned upon seeing Eto flash a victory sign at her to annoy her._

_Hashimoto scowled at her then plastered a wide smile upon seeing Fukagawa turn to face her with an unaware smile._

_-_

“Don’t get too full of yourself,” Hashimoto rolled her eyes at Eto who continued to wiggle her brows in a taunting gesture before Fukagawa would turn back to them suddenly with an unknowing smile at the two who plastered on forced smiles but twitching eyelids.

Eto wasn’t at the least amused at the same-aged girl who often came inbetween her and Fukagawa whenever she had the time to come by the restaurant after school to see the older girl.

She understood that Hashimoto began harboring a favorable liking towards her long-time childhood crush and made sure that the shorter haired girl knew her place from the beginning–back when they first met in the Fukagawa’s family restaurant.

Eto loved being around Fukagawa, who spoiled her from young age and looked after her when she was hurt or chased down by the local neighborhood’s stray dog. She couldn’t see how Hashimoto could intrude in her close relationship with the innocent and caring Fukagawa–to which she was sure that the short-haired girl was sent by the devil to ruin all chances of any future romantic aspects for her.

As she was older, Fukagawa’s Holy Mother-like image stuck to her–she couldn’t let any ugly boy or evil girl corrupt the older woman. It was her turn to protect the older girl from the outside world.

“Don’t you dare step over your boundaries,” Eto glared at Hashimoto who wanted to laugh at her for jumping into conclusions–which was partially spot-on, but shrugged it off nonetheless.

“Whatever,” the shorter-haired girl said as she decided to turn her attention to the barbecue grill, thinking that Eto was just wasting her energy on her instead of spending it on her childhood friend.

Neither Hashimoto or Eto could figure out what Fukagawa’s romantic interests were–her response was always the same: _‘Hmm…someone who’s caring, loving not just only me but the people around them, and not afraid to speak out their mind.’_

“That can’t be anyone but me!”

Eto’s hand was placed on her chest to empathize her appeal, but all Hashimoto could do was roll her eyes again at the arrogance she was displaying on full-blast in front of not only her, but Fukagawa.

Fukagawa only gave her a mysterious smile before Hashimoto decided that Eto definitely couldn’t fit that criteria as she was more of a psychotic devote towards Fukagawa.

“I’m sure you’re right,” Hashimoto sarcastically responded, before turning her head away from the two to see that Nanase was hanging out with Takayama, Sakurai, and Wakatsuki. Oddly enough, Shiraishi was also included in their circle at that moment.

_Nanase, you really are something._

_-_

“Nanase, how do I look?” Takayama turned around for Nanase who had been setting up the beach chairs for the girls.

Takayama was wearing a cute orange-pink dotted two-piece bikini, causing Nanase to slightly gulp at the sight of her hair flowing down as she pulled off her hair-tie.

“It’s…cute.” Nanase admitted, as she was wearing a dark navy blue bikini under her hoodie and shorts.

Seeing Nanase blush so easily, made Shiraishi a little annoyed, so she sat under the rainbow parasol that was set up by Wakatsuki and slumped her shoulders, wondering if she should say anything.

She watched as Eto went into the waters and joined Fukagawa and Reika who were splashing water at each other and hitting a beach ball back and forth.

“Here you go,” Nanase suddenly appeared beside her, handing her some sunscreen.

“…Thanks,” Shiraishi muttered, turning away from the younger girl who knew better than to try her luck with creating a conversation with the brunette. From the corner of her eyes, she could see that Takayama was about to approach the two and caused her to quickly say something, anything to distract Nanase’s attention from her.

“Can you rub this on my back?” Shiraishi suddenly asked, before Nanase could turn away.

“–Okay.” Nanase nodded, before realizing that Shiraishi was unzipping her hoodie to reveal a quite risky black bikini that was laced up in the front.

“Hey, isn’t the bikini you’re wearing a little too revealing?!”

Nanase was blushing hard as she tried not to turn her head towards the older girl’s body.

“So?” Shiraishi could see the redness of Nanase’s ears, she was getting the reaction that she wanted. Maybe she was going too far, she knew as she kept teasing the younger girl and her feelings.

_Just a little longer, Nanase. Can you handle that?_

“Can you put some sunscreen on now?” Shiraishi held up the bottle, Nanase quickly nodded without another word. The younger girl doused her hands with the sunscreen as she saw Shiraishi lay ontop of the beach towel with her bikini untie before her eyes.

She quietly rubbed her back, ignoring the soft moans of the older girl who had her head turned to face her but her eyes closed.

“Why are you making that sound?” Nanase blurted out, as Shiraishi opened her eyes with a smile.

“Because you’re rubbing it gently?” Shiraishi was about to turn over when Nanase’s eyes widened at the sight of Shiraishi’s breasts becoming exposed.

“H-Hold on!” Her eyes flinched until Shiraishi covered her breasts with her arm and looked at Nanase with a smirk.

“Why are you so shy? I thought you’re already used to–”

Nanase huffed sightly at the older girl who was attempting to tease her. Or rather, seduce her openly. It was a bit sly of her, Nanase knew as she tried not to fall for it again.

“Because it’s you, I’m just…”

“I know.” Shiraishi smiled, before reaching around her back to tie the bikini strings at the neck when Nanase suddenly took the bottom strings and tied them.

Shiraishi could feel Nanase’s calloused fingers make contact with hers as she tied it into a ribbon shape. The hairs on her body stood up as Nanase’s breath could be felt at her neck. Oh, how Nanase still cared for her despite her confession from the day before.

“There you go.” Nanase finally said, after the silence between Shiraishi and her made it awkward enough for her to retreat now.

“Thank you,” Shiraishi said, “Naachan.”

Nanase felt as if the older girl was trying to test something with her yet again. She quickly brushed it off as Shiraishi was just trying to be friendly with her.

“You’re welcome, Maiyan.”

-

Nanase went back to into the waters, finding herself getting surprised by the water attack pulled off by Eto and Sakurai at the same time from behind her.

“Uwah!”

She counterattacked them, making constant splashes at the two who screamed before running away from her.

Wakatsuki soon approached the girls, tossing a beach ball onto the air and caught it, spinning it on her index finger.

“Who’s up for some volleyball? Three per team and one referee!”

“I’ll be the referee,” Hashimoto almost automatically raised her hand when Eto smirked at her.

“Chickening out?” She made clucking noises before she’d find the shorter haired girl marching up to Nanase and pointed at Eto.

“Let’s give her a good beating!”

Nanase chuckled as she watched Eto stuck her tongue out and puffed her cheeks at the same time.

With Hashimoto ticked off now, she headed towards Shiraishi who was sitting under the shade, “Want to join our team?”

Shiraishi furrowed her brows as she could see from afar that there was definitely going to be a volleyball match taking place soon.

“Sure–who’s in the team?”

“Me, Nanase and you.”

Shiraishi couldn’t object to that as she used to play softball, those instincts would kick in quickly for their team.

Just as they completed their team, Wakatsuki turned to Sakurai.

“What about you, Reika? My team, right?”

“Obviously. Eto can join us since Nanase and Nanamin’s already paired up.” She arched a brow, from a far Fukagawa was still preparing a variety of barbecue meat and wraps with Takayama helping out on the sidelines.

“And it looks like we’ve found our referee.”

-

“Loser team pays for drinks!” Sakurai yelled out as Hashimoto slung her arm over Nanase’s shoulder.

“We’re here to win!” Hashimoto declared, her nose held high as she was ready to take out Eto first by any means. “Losers also have to help clean up _everything _later!”

Eto grinned, she was sure that this would be a good match. She then walked up to Hashimoto and gestured her to come closer.

“Winner also gets to go on a romantic sunset beach walk with Maimai,” she whispered, loud enough for the shorter haired girl to hear through the beach volleyball net.

“What–”

Hashimoto almost wanted to refuse but her pride refused to back down just then.

“You know what–_Deal!_”

She turned to Nanase and Shiraishi with a fired up fist pump, “I’ll be on the offense as setter, Nanase can be libero and Shiraishi as hitter and blocker.”

_Someone’s clearly taking this seriously,_ Shiraishi thought as she didn’t even know what she was supposed to be doing, maybe hitting back as many times and on the defensive.

_What’s a libero? _Nanase didn’t dare ask, quickly deciding that it was best to pass as many attacks to the other two instead of going on the offense because she was terrible at hitting over things taller than her.

Setters often ensured strategic attacks to send hits over the net while moving actively around the court. Liberos receive the opposing attack or spikes with digs, whereas Hitters/Blockers defend and also send attacks from the Settler.

Nanase smiled upon noticing Takayama making eye contact with her as she was standing close to the border of the beach court.

“Good luck, Naachan.”

Nanase grinned then, giving her a thumbs up. “Thanks, I’ll need it.”

This small interaction didn’t go unnoticed by Shiraishi, who was now fired up to completely annihilate Wakatsuki’s side. Wakatsuki’s formation was to have her as the setter, Sakurai as libero and Eto as hitter and blocker.

“Enough chitchatting–!” Wakatsuki half-yelled as she started the first serve–sending the volleyball in the air and attempted a quick lobby before it was caught by Nanase in the far-middle side of the court, before it was sent back by Hashimoto’s sudden attack.

“Not so fast!”

Amazingly, Eto slid in the sand to save the volleyball with a dig before Hashimoto thought they’d get the first point but she was quickly proven wrong.

_Twak!_ The sound of the ball hitting the sand came quickly from behind them.

Takayama’s mouth was hanging agape before Eto looked at her, “What’s the call, ref?!”

“O-one point to Team Eto!”

-

After many stumbling, colliding and shoulder-bumping moments, Team Hashimoto managed to scrap a close call against Eto as Sakurai happened to miss her pass, the side of her arms evidently swollen after an hour since the game started.

“Looks like we’ll have to call quits here,” Wakatsuki held up her arm in surrender, causing Sakurai to frown when Takayama suddenly raised her hand in response.

“I can take over,” she replied as Hashimoto nodded in agreement. Everyone seemed exhausted but there was no way she’d want to win through a white flag.

“Sure!” Eto waved over for Takayama to come over while Sakurai went to get her arms checked by Fukagawa, who’d just finished preparing but decided to watch the game.

“I haven’t seen Nanamin this fired up over a game before,” Sakurai replied as Fukagawa applied some compression pack over her wrists.

Sakurai narrowed her eyes as she looked at the older girl then back to Hashimoto.

“I wonder why, hmm?”

The blonde already knew about the rivalry between Hashimto and Eto–the two were always at each other’s necks when they sensed Fukagawa nearby. She was actually trying to elicit Fukagawa to slip up on who she liked more. But it never happened as Fukagawa smiled instead.

“It must be nice to have the energy of you girls.”

The bottom eyelid of Sakurai twitched at the elderly-sounding reply from the older girl.

“Hah?! You’re barely two to three years older than us!”

-

Shiraishi watched as Takayama kept hitting back her attacks. Somewhat, it was annoying to see Nanase pass the ball over the net to her by accident several times already.

“Move!” Hashimoto suddenly brushed past Nanase’s pass and jumped up, her arm pulled back and ready to send a smash hit over the net.

_Bang!_

Eto scowled as Hashimoto was closing in the score gap again, 12-14. They already rotated the volleyball court twice, and was on their third and final set. She needed just one more point to win over the latter’s team.

There was no way she’d lose here–she jumped with all her might as Hashimoto sent a hit over, and it flew straight at her face.

_Thud!_

The last thing Eto could hear, was Hashimoto’s voice ringing in her ears as she landed on her side in the sand with Wakatsuki and Hashimoto being the closest to check on her.

It wasn’t the _“Whoa! Are you okay?!” that came from her (it was Wakatsuki), but: “Whoa! Double nose-bleed?!”_

And that was how Hashimoto’s team won–not through Wakatsuki’s sudden proposal to surrender or a proper game, but by knocking out Eto cold. Indeed, she had taken her out as she literally intended to.

-

The victory for Hashimoto was short-lived as she saw Fukagawa hurriedly tending to Eto who was blacked out under the rainbow parasol. Her eyes squinted at the sight as she knew that Eto may have lost the war but won the battle this time.

“I’ll look after her,” she said as Fukagawa nodded.

Eto’s eyes quickly opened as she realized that she was lying down on a beach towel, with someone sitting next to her–Hashimoto. The others could be seen enjoying the food at the beach table. She bit onto her lower lip, agonizing over her team’s loss.

“Ugh, you’re the last person I want to see when I wake up…” She groaned as Hashimoto turned to her.

“Stop acting dramatic. It’s your victory since you were stupid enough to hit the ball back using your face.”

Eto blushed at her embarrassing moment there–she definitely looked uncool in front of Fukagawa then.

“I never planned to tell Maimai that I like her anyways. I know she doesn’t.”

Hashimoto raised her hand to flick Eto’s forehead hard, who then winced in pain and scowled at her.

“Stop jumping to conclusions without doing it first. We’ll call it even after that.”

“You’re right,” Eto bitterly smiled as Hashimoto turned the other way, her attention focused on enjoying the beach scenery instead.

-

Takayama wasn’t sure what happened between Nanase and Shiraishi, but they had hardly spoken to each other–she was sure that they must’ve had a huge fight.

“Naachan, I almost forgot to tell you that I have exciting news!” Takayama tried to cheer up Nanase, hoping that she’d at least enjoy being with her for the time.

“Hm?” Nanase looked at her as she was chewing on a grilled beef kebab skewer, “What’s up?”

Takayama smiled widely, “I met with agent from the publishing firm that I’ve been trying to get into. They told me that they’d be interested in publishing my works after reviewing it!”

Nanase’s eyes widened at the revelation, her same-age friend had managed to overcome the first of her obstacle to her dreams. She was definitely happy, feeling proud and excitement for her friend, the corners of her mouth lifting up to form a wide smile.

“That’s awesome, Kazumin. Congratulations!”

Takayama’s eyes formed crescent-shapes, somehow she managed to get the latter smiling again, even if it was just for a bit. It didn’t take long for Shiraishi to see that Takayama was trying at the least. Her eyes managed to make contact with her, wondering if Takayama was what Nanase needed, not her.

_Can you help Nanase back onto her feet?_

-

Shiraishi rolled over her body to get off the bed as she felt her throat was parched. She got up to get a glass of water, when she heard a few sounds of footsteps behind her as she poured some for herself.

“Hello Shiraishi.”

The sound of Hashimoto’s voice suddenly surprised her, causing her to turn around and instead look to offer her a glass of water. She was expecting someone else, like Fukagawa or even Takayama herself.

“Are you thirsty?”

“A little. I’d like some water as well.”

Shiraishi arched a brow after she handed her the glass of water. The younger girl did not walk back to her room, but instead stood next to her in silence.

“How long are you going to drag this?” Hashimoto suddenly asked, surprising Shiraishi as she almost choked on the water that she just sipped on.

“What?”

Hashimoto sighed before turning to look at Shiraishi in the eye. “I know what you’ve been doing and I’ll tell you this once. Either you stop seeing Nanase or let her go.”

Hashimoto confronting her had surely taken her off-guard.

“What if I don’t?” Shiraishi curtly replied, her heartbeat starting to thump loudly against her chest.

“I know what I’m talking about. I won’t hesitate to make sure that you’ll pay if Nanase gets hurt.” Hashimoto then took her leave, to ensure that Shiraishi understood her stern warning.

“…So you’ll take her side too?”

Shiraishi sighed to herself before taking another gulp of water before leaving to return to her room, Eto was sleeping without a worry then. Shiraishi smiled bitterly to herself, looking at her hands as she had been contemplating something for a long time.

_Maybe it’s time to let go of her, like she said._

-

_Shiraishi felt as if something was up when Nanase was talking less and less to her when she was going out with her high school date._

_Of course, she should have known when Nanase looked at her with a forced smile, which she did not want to intrude on that day._

_Shiraishi intended to go to Nanase’s house to talk with her, when she suddenly saw the younger girl leaving her house after the usual time that she’d have dinner._

_She secretly followed Nanase, where she saw the younger girl take out her phone in her pocket and looked at it. Shiraishi was about to take out her phone and text her a message when she saw that Nanase had stood up with her phone in hand, and threw it into the waters before turning around._

_Shiraishi quickly looked around to hide somewhere, wondering why Nanase had thrown her phone in the waters. _ _She wanted to approach Nanase, but froze in her steps as she wondered why the latter would do such a thing._

_It was then that she realized that it was too late to say anything._

_Once she saw Nanase had left, she ran to search for Nanase’s phone in the waters and finally found it. She tried to turn it on but it was useless–Nanase’s phone was dead. She walked back home, phone in hand to return it to Nanase tomorrow morning._

_The next day, she was standing outside of Nanase’s home when she saw that the front of the house seemed bare–there were no curtains and everything could be seen from outside._

_Her throat had dried up as she instantly knew it was as she had feared–there was nothing inside._

_She was about to check what was going on when she was suddenly stopped by her boyfriend who was planning to pick her up in the morning for a summer date._

_Shiraishi peeked back at Nanase’s house as they walked together, to which she would eventually find out the truth by their neighbors next door._

_Nanase was cruel to abandon her without a word. She wondered when Nanase became so distanced from her, and concluded that it was partially her fault that she wasn't being a good friend to her–neglecting her for her boyfriend at the time._

_As she went back to her room, she looked at the phone in her hand before asking her father to repair it. Maybe she could find some clues inside Nanase’s phone, but quickly shook her head, thinking it would be better to give it back to her if she’d ever see her again._

_“Daddy, can you fix this phone?”_

_Her father looked at the phone that was handed to him, examining it closely._

_“Whose phone is this?” He arched a brow as he’d never seen it–it was grey, a different color from Shiraishi’s purple phone of the same model._

_“It’s my friend’s. Nishino Nanase, the girl who lives across the street. I want to fix it and give it back to her.”_

_He nodded his head, quickly recognizing Nanase from the times that she had came over to see Shiraishi during the weeks. He was a busy man and was hardly home._

_“I don’t think it can be salvaged, but we’ll see.”_

_The next time she was able to see her father, she asked for the phone back. It was one of the few items that she wanted to keep in a box, along with a familiar ribbon, perfume bottle, photos of the two when they hanged out together and a stuffed grey shark. The things that reminded her of Nanase–they were her treasures and the last proof of her existence._

_“I lost it,” he said, causing the brunette to frown._

_“How can you lose something that’s important to me?”_

_It was the closest link that she could use to find Nanase in who knows where on the planet._

_Her father sighed, “Look, there are things that shouldn’t be seen. I’m glad the Nishinos moved away–their family is a terrible influence.”_

_Shiraishi couldn’t understand what he was talking about–he had rarely spoken with Nanase’s family, he couldn’t assume things so easily without knowing them in person._

_“What?”_

_“That daughter of theirs is disgusting.”_

_Shiraishi no longer wanted to speak with him, as all he would do was talk negatively about Nanase and her family, or complain about irrelevant issues about other families._

_Once she saw her father leave for work again, she snuck into her parents' room to steal the master key for her father's office room and searched relentlessly for Nanase’s phone, hoping that it was somewhere. It wasn’t until searching through the bookshelves and under the desk, that she found it it sitting in the trashcan all along._

_In a hurry to avoid getting caught in her father’s work desk, she tried to fix up everything as it previously appeared, returning the key to its' original case._

_She quickly went into her room and locked the door, before plugging in the charger to Nanase’s phone. It had flickered on briefly, her eyes widened as she looked around for something. But there was nothing–her father had deleted everything, cutting the last strings of her hope to see Nanase once more._

_-_

_Shiraishi soon found herself drifting around to search for something that she’d seek comfort in. Her boyfriend broke up with her after complaining about the lack of privacy and space between each other. Shiraishi was attached to another boy, one after another, it was always them who broke it off with her._

_Shiraishi garnered a lot of hate from other women, but she didn't care because the men who were always after her, pampered her and gave what she requested but it wasn’t the same without Nanase. _ _She was grateful that Misa was there for her, but it still wasn't Nanase who was there for her._

_The next time she met Nanase, she would realize that the younger girl had become much more different. _ _The discovery that Nanase was the type of person to sleep with Sakurai Reika disappointed her at first, but she wanted to take her chances to see if her desire for Nanase went beyond a platonic feeling._

_So she went ahead and took advantage of Nanase’s vulnerable state and cornered her for the sake of her selfish desires to intrude herself within the limits of Nanase’s life. _ _And now she came to face the truth: perhaps Nanase’s secret was that she loved her and left without another word as to let her go._

_Looking back when they first met, Shiraishi couldn't accept it as she looked at how Nanase’s eyes mirrored a mysterious but sullen sadness behind it. She was a wolf in sheep’s clothing._

_-_

Nanase watched as Shiraishi was sleeping on Eto’s shoulder, the weekend trip was to end with little no response from the brunette. Everyone in the car was fast asleep, only Nanase continued to drive, reflecting on the things that happened over the past few days. Along with Sakurai, Takayama and Fukagawa went with Wakatsuki’s car. Hashimoto’s head leaned against her propped up elbow on the car door’s arm rest, clearly in deep sleep.

**[Gallant’s_ Sleep On It_](https://youtu.be/wCBQ8eGvCtA)** played softly in the background as she continued to keep her eyes on the road, the night sky pitch black. The only lights that illuminated came from the streetlights and her car’s headlights on the road.

**[It's been an hour or two**  
** Me and you, runnin' circles 'round our pride**  
** You said the same thing twice**  
** And I'm not countin' but I**  
** Wish I could see an end in sight, oh]**

She wondered when the older girl would respond to her.

_Why won’t you tell me what you’re thinking?_

**[Maybe we should take some time**  
** 'Cause nothing's coming out right**  
** And I wanna see this eye to eye, yeah**  
** 'Cause how's the fussin' or the fightin'**  
** Or the borderline cryin'**  
** Gettin' us closer to the finish line? Oh]**

Maybe her patience was running thin after avoiding Shiraishi for the past few years. She knew herself, that she was selfish for running away. But her pride refused to admit her wrongdoings, her fears, her sanity which would be lost. Everything would disappear if she opened up on the mistakes that she made in the past. She couldn’t risk it–she was a terrible person, she knew.

**[Girl, I know you're tired of this argument**  
** Why don't we sleep on it?**  
** Sleep on it**  
** Complicated, but your body's just the opposite**  
** I wanna sleep on it**  
** Sleep on it**  
** I don't wanna fight**  
** We ain't gettin' anywhere, anywhere tonight**  
** You know neither one of us is innocent**  
** So why don't we sleep on it?**  
** Why don't we—?**  
** Can we sleep on it?]**

Nanase’s eyes looked back to see that Shiraishi had stirred awake, her eyes staring back at hers in the rear view mirror. They didn’t say anything, it seemed as if they were the only two in the car at that moment.

**[Think maybe we should take some time**  
** And analyze our words before we speak**  
** 'Cause I don't think, all the fussin' or the fightin'**  
** Nor the borderline cryin'**  
**Is gonna give us what we really need, oh]**

Time was running short for her to continue pretending that everything was fine.

“Did you have a good sleep?” Nanase softly asked after a few seconds of silence passed by.

The brunette shook her head, “Everyone was so noisy packing up.”

**[I need to sleep on it**  
** I need to sleep on it**  
** Girl, if you cool with it**  
** Why don't we sleep on it?**  
** I need to sleep on it**  
** I need to sleep on it**  
** Girl, if you cool with it**  
** Why don't we sleep on it?]**

“I see.” Nanase smiled at her nonetheless. Their conversation was never picked up upon again–because they knew each other’s feelings well then–they were both tired. What they had together after all this time, was about to collapse any moment.

Nanase knew then, but didn’t think it would happen so quickly.

-

In the next morning, she got a call from Eto to come over to their dorm–it was an emergency.

“What’s wrong?!”

Nanase was already on her feet, ignoring the people’s stares as she rushed over to the next building’s dorm. Her heartbeat was rapidly thumping against her chest as she was climbing up the stairs with big steps–worried that something had happened to Shiraishi.

She quickly knocked on the door, which was answered almost immediately by Eto.

Eto looked at her teary eyed, “Maiyan won’t answer her calls. I don't know where she went.”

Nanase’s throat tightened then, stopping in her tracks. Her head began to become lightheaded as Eto continued to speak, it was all becoming white noise to her.

“No,” she shook her head, refusing to believe what had happened.

Everything started to crumble around Nanase as she fell onto her knees, her head looking down as her eyes started to water–flowing nonstop. She thought that everything would fall into place–whether or not that the older girl would accept her feelings, she hoped that Shiraishi would be around still. Her biggest fears had came alive to haunt her.

Eto furrowed her eyes as she noticed that Shiraishi had left behind a box, Nanase’s name was scribbled messily on it.

She picked it up, walking to Nanase as she crouched down to give it to the intended receiver.

“Here,” her hands trembled as Nanase desperately grabbed onto the box and opened it. Inside were the things that she had chosen for the older girl from years ago, the photos that they shared together. As she looked through the box, there was one thing that caught her eye–the phone that she had thrown away years ago.

Eto furrowed her brows as she tried to figure out why Shiraishi would give her an old flip phone that seemed to have no value to her–but deep pain to Nanase.

Nanase’s heart stopped then, her hands shaking as she couldn’t believe what she was seeing in front of her then.

_How long has she known this?_

This was Nanase’s punishment for leaving her behind without any words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there was never just one wolf, karma came real fast for nanase


	7. Real Last

“She's not eating again?”

Hashimoto shakes her head as Eto sighs to herself, completely exhausted at everything in life being thrown at her at once. She walks to Nanase's room and opens the door to reveal her things strewn all over the floor.

“Nanase.” She calls out to the lump under the blankets on the bed, unmoving as she steps in to clean up her room. Hashimoto follows along, bringing in soft foods and porridge for the girl's stomach to take in. “Please eat something.” Her voice cracks as Nanase doesn't budge, her head covered under her blanket as if it was her own shell. She sits down besides the blanket and waits for the younger girl to respond–but the only thing she could hear, was the light breathing coming from under the blankets.

She pursed her lips, hoping that Nanase would at least get something into her stomach, instead of endlessly suffering throughout her days.

"We're here for you."

“Shut up!”

Nanase curled up into a ball, pleading for the voices in her head to stop clawing at her conscience. She wanted to be left alone, yet at the same time she wanted someone to be nearby at the least.

She was aware that she was being irrational and childish–unable to do her daily tasks nor take care of herself. She became accepting of herself as a pathetic excuse of a human being. She was trapped in an never ending loop–her emotions going through an extreme turmoil high before it'd hit rock bottom, escalating towards a panic attack right when she was just about to feel calm again.

It was painful to keep harboring feelings for the brunette even after carelessly telling her that she wouldn't mind if the older girl left without a word. Like a fool, she blindly believed that Shiraishi wouldn't leave her so soon.

Nanase was chained down by the echo chamber in her own mind, with no where to go as her mind became disorientated and struck with chaos. The walls to her morale shattered when Shiraishi decided to step out of her life–when all she wanted was to live quietly and humbly. But everything turned against her when she let her guard down, letting her arrogance and recklessness get to her.

She tried hard not to think about the older girl–but no matter how much she pushed herself to forget her, a stream of painful memories would haunt her and led to sleepless nights. She would find herself unconsciously staring between the tiny gap through her window, leading to a faint view of the night sky.

She turned to the other side of the bed and there, she would relive the memories of her first time with Shiraishi. She reached out to place her hand on the bare space beside her bed, blindly hoping that maybe one day, the brunette would forgive her. Her mind was like a broken recorder, stuck on replaying the scene of that very precarious moment.

Would things have turned out differently if she didn't let her selfishness get in the way at that time? She shut her eyes closed and gripped her extended hand into a tight fist, knowing that it was too late to take back everything in the end.

_It’s over now._

Takayama often came by to help Nanase eat but it was useless as the former knew that Nanase couldn't let go of Shiraishi so easily.

So she quietly chose to be near her, even if her affections would be rejected or unwanted–it was the only way she could stay by the shorter haired girl's side as her pillar of support. Maybe it was foolish of her to keep, knowing that her love wouldn't ever bloom but she didn't mind–before all this, Nanase was a precious friend of hers. She believed that the shorter haired girl could climb out of her hole one day–and that was what mattered most to her.

Nanase slowly began to take in the reality of Shiraishi leaving without a word. The vicious cycle replaying in her mind would continue–over and over until a few weeks later, she slowly came to accept and see things differently as of to atone for her own actions.

Sakurai and Wakatsuki often came by to check on Nanase and understood then that everything that Nanase wanted to do–she needed to find her starting point first. They would offer their hand when she felt that the time was right, and Nanase felt the same towards them–her feelings filled with nothing but gratitude and humility.

There were no signs of Shiraishi returning any time soon as Hashimoto and Eto went back to the hometown of Shiraishi on their spare days off, asking for the whereabouts of the brunette who appeared to have left without a trace and hadn't been seen since then.

Nanase clenched her fists tightly as Hashimoto and Eto told her what they knew–which was little to no use for her. There was nothing that she nor they could do but quietly wait until the day Shiraishi decided to return on her own.

So Nanase came to face reality–to move on with her life and got back onto her feet with the help of those around her. Picking up the pieces of her own morale was painful but she knew then that was how life was–you can’t look back, but move forward only.

There, she learned well that the choices she decided to make in her life carried heavy consequences–those words that she left unsaid in the past, she would pay for it dearly when it was time.

-

"Hey!" Nanase rolled down her car window and waved at Takayama who was about to walk up the stairs to the university, "Don't forget your manuscript, Kaz!"

Takayama hurriedly ran back to Nanase's side of the window and smiled widely, her cheeks blushing pink as she saw the grin on Nanase's face as she handed her the manila folder.

"Oh shoot–I would have gotten in deep trouble. Thanks Naachan!"

Nanase chuckled as she watched the long haired woman run up the stairs in her heels, amused at the never-changing clumsiness and carelessness that the woman showed to her often and unfortunately, unintentionally.

Four years passed since then–everyone's lives changed drastically in the time when they graduated and moved on with their lives, their paths diverging and futures becoming much more differently than they anticipated. Thankfully, they were still in contact from time to time to catch up with each other's lives, pitching in their support among their small circle of friends.

Nanase was now twenty five, working as a veterinarian as she was continuing to expand her studies of animals and often worked with the local animals in different places around agricultural prefectures. She was used to being paid to travel around and saw various vast, vibrant landscapes ahead.

Takayama's literary works in her undergraduate became well known among her peers and juniors as she was climbing up the ranks within the literature department, eventually finding her place in working with other students as she became a literature instructor after graduating. Her first novel was partially received fairly well, garnering some attention but her second novel in relations to money management had hit the jackpot, getting her a few notable awards and a steady popularity.

-

Eto looked at her wristwatch as Nanase was running late, with Hashimoto besides her. The two were planning to visit various jewelry stores and settle down as soon as possible.

"How did you know that I was going to pick a ring out for you?" Hashimoto sighed as Eto shot her a wide grin, "You can't hide anything, we've been living together for a while now so I know what your spending habits are like."

"Why can't I surprise you? Don't you want a fancy proposal and all that jazz?"

"I'd rather we do it together," Eto smiled widely, "Besides, it's less costly and more fun for us."

Hashimoto was reluctant to agree, instead she took a sip from her coffee and avoided Eto’s eyes vibrantly staring at her.

Maybe her money-saving habits rubbed off her girlfriend when they went to eat out together in the past few years. She didn't mind–but she wanted to at least spoil the woman that she turned to find mutual and fitting companionship with. They often had verbal fights but they would be over once they realized that neither of them were in the right, or found to be silly arguing over.

_Damn you, Nanase._

She sulked a bit before noticing that Nanase's car had just rolled up on the pavement.

“Well, look who's here.”

Nanase stepped out of her mini car and waved at the two, who had been sitting at the local coffee shop nearby the jewelry store.

“Hey Misa and Nanamin!” She called out as Eto waved back and Hashimoto lifted up her coffee cup towards her and gave her a nod of acknowledgement. Nanase walked up to them, before locking her car doors as they finished up the last of their coffee drinks.

“Let's go pick some rings,” Eto locked arms around Hashimoto, who then looked at Nanase with a defeated look when they finally went off.

“Why did you tell her?”

“I didn't!” Nanase arched a brow, waving her hand in denial and at disbelief of the sudden accusation, “It wasn’t me.”

Eto grinned, seeing how Hashimoto was glaring at her now.

“It was Kazumin.”

“Of course it was her!” Hashimoto grumbled, rubbing the side of her temples as they walked into the jewelry store. “Remind me to never trust her with any secrets.”

“Hey, hey, she's not bad for that,” Eto smiled nonetheless, before greeting the security guard standing by the door. “Besides, I’ll trust you to pick the most beautiful ring in the store.”

Hashimoto sighed as she gave a nod, “Yes,_ Lady Misa._ Your wish is my command_,_” she curtly responded, getting the latter to lightly hit her on her arm for the snarky remark.

Nanase chuckled upon seeing the two casually engaging in a teasing banter between each other, wondering how they even managed to get their relationship to work despite their personality differences.

Eto was Hashimoto’s assistant–together they decided to start running a small financial planning business. They were off to a rocky start as fresh graduates but thankfully Fukagawa and her father lent out some financial support as the two struggled to meet ends in the beginning, working together from their shared apartment.

Things had taken a surprising turn as they discovered that Fukagawa was not interested in romantic relationships any time soon, crushing both of their hearts at once. Of course, they knew then that there was nothing to hold each other against as they licked the wounds of their broken hearts and moved on with their lives–spending an increasingly amount of time together and eventually found agreeable aspects in each other.

-

Wakatsuki drove to Sakurai’s apartment when she noticed a familiar face standing beside the no longer blonde, but chestnut haired woman. She rolled down her car window after pulling up to the curb, her eyes looking back and forth between the two people standing in front of her.

“What–you know each other?”

Standing besides Sakurai, was Hashimoto Kanna–the step-sibling that she had recently met and spent time with. Her father remarried a year ago, and the woman that he chose to spend his life with, was a widow with two children–twins who were just a few years younger than her.

“What are you on about? We just met each other here,” Sakurai rolled her eyes as she draped her arm around Hashimoto Kana’s shoulder, “We were tired of waiting for you.”

“Tell me more,” Wakatsuki sighed as she watched the two enter her car, “I feel like I’ve been left out, worrying over nothing.”

Sakurai smiled widely at Hashimoto, “You know, earlier Kanna and I were thinking of arguing with each other in front of you as a prank.”

Wakatsuki shot her a glare, “Don’t you dare! I won’t forgive you two if you did that to me–it’s not good for my heart.”

“Yeah, we don’t want you to get a heart attack, Yumi!” Hashimoto chimed in before averting eye contact with Wakatsuki’s menacing stare.

Wakatsuki was working under her father’s watch–taking on odd jobs and gathering intel for a security agency. It wasn’t anything fancy, but she enjoyed taking on the unique experiences of watching her person of interests’ habits and ways of communicating indirectly with their true targets–the ringleaders of crime syndicates.

Sakurai found herself a place amidst of Wakatsuki’s dangerous work–working as a voice and piano teacher for beginners. Their relationship was somewhat neutral–keeping space between each other was needed. Originally, Wakatsuki wanted to propose to the latter once they got out of college but Sakurai knew better to keep their relationship at arms’ length away.

She understood how precious and fragile her relationship with Wakatsuki was–and decided that she would love her in her own way by supporting her at her own pace. It was without words that they understood each other’s thinking–which wasn’t frequently apprehended by the people around them.

-

Nanase stared at the diamond rings sitting in a bullet-proof display glass before her eyes, all shining and twinkling as she walked around the jewelry store.

Marriage wasn’t something she had thought out thoroughly, as she stared at Eto and Hashimoto trying out some rings. To her, diamond rings weren’t of importance but a tool for an eternal vow of mutual love–a bond which sealed the fate of two people’s future through the exchange of two words and rings that connected to their hearts. But that diamond ring theory didn’t seem too idealistic for her, carrying heavy responsibilities.

Maybe she’s just not into the idea of marriage yet, feeling like it would pin her down from doing things that her heart felt drawn to.

“I think this ring is perfect,” Eto looked at Hashimoto with a wide smile, who then nodded in agreement, crossing her arms as she took a long look at the diamond ring that barely fit on her ring finger.

“Maybe we should get this one?”

“Of course. A 3-carat ring–it seems just like you to pick a ring with the price of a _luxury car_–”

“Oh hush,” Eto rolled her eyes at the humorous grin that Hashimoto flashed her with, a wide smile nonetheless, “You know I was just kidding, right?”

She had to admit, the ring was memorizing which went along with a reasonable but crazy price tag.

Hashimoto only gave her a mysterious smile then, “Well, I’m not.” She turned to the jeweler, “We’ll go with this ring,” she said, pointing to Eto’s ring finger. The jeweler then gave her a wide smile and quick nod before heading off to prepare the necessities of ring-fitting and adjustments for their grand purchase.

Eto’s eyes widened at the sudden impulse purchase, knowing that both Hashimoto’s and her financial situation was more than stable but the price of the ring wasn’t to be taken lightly either.

“W-Wait–no way!”

-

Nanase stared at the empty place before her eyes–she saved up enough money to move back to the neighborhood that she lived in for a few years. The place where it had all started.

Maybe it was like her to impulsively jump on the house that her parents had leased before, but there was nothing better than seeing the view of Shiraishi’s old house across the street.

Some may think that she’s living in the past, but that isn’t the case–she decided to move for her own self, to wait for Shiraishi’s return one day. And this was where she decided to lay her starting point at.

Her parents couldn’t understand why she chose to return to the neighborhood of all places, and even purchase the exact house as she could live anywhere else in the country. She only smiled to them, shaking her head as she pointed to herself, “_I’m planning to settle here, no matter what._”

“Mugita!” She called out to the dachshund that happily wagged its’ tail at the sight of her carrying in a cardboard box, “Don’t get in the way of the movers.”

The dachshund's ears drooped, quickly understanding as it went off to follow her into the room of her former bedroom. The color of her walls were different due to the previous owners’ choice but she decided to keep it as it was, thinking that it was for the best, it was a new beginning from here.

She smiled to herself as she started to unbox the things that the movers had stacked up nearby the door.

“Looks like it’s going to be fun living here.”

-

“Give me a second–where’s my masquerade mask?”

Nanase fixed her dress shirt as Takayama was hurrying around in her apartment, dabbing her face with a makeup pad to smooth out her blemishes.

“It’s on the dresser,” Nanase pointed out as she was waiting for the latter–they were invited to the wedding of Eto and Hashimoto to which came a few months after they went through with the ring and long talks of wedding plans.

“Who knew that Eto wanted to pull off a masquerade wedding–I must say, it’s super exciting to attend something themed like this.”

Nanase smiled as she picked up hers–Eto had asked her and Wakatsuki to design their wedding, which was quite a task as they were busy with their work outsides but made it work nonetheless. Hashimoto wasn’t fond of a wedding that was medieval themed as they would need their guests to wear something that matched, hence the masquerade masks.

She made hers in the form of a white dove, with white feathers which seemed just like her. Takayama’s was a light blue with silver lining around the edges.

Of course, the bride and grooms to be, were to be given a gold and laced design–Eto’s with a sparkle of glitter and bling, and Hashimoto’s with a classic gold and white vintage look.

“I’m glad that the masks came out well.”

Nanase took one last glance at it before she’d put hers on, waiting for Takayama to come with her as they were headed off to the place where the wedding was to take place at–a fancy garden with a vivid green scenery filled with white silk and linings hanging in the air, which shouldn’t come off as a surprise.

-

Nanase watched as Eto and Hashimoto had exchanged their vows, finding the moment quite heartwarming as they went off to the ballroom, leading all the guests to follow along as the night went on with a vibrant and lightening mood.

She followed along and happened to catch a glimpse of Sakurai and Wakatsuki through the masks that they designed–it was easy to recognize a few, there weren’t many guests that she seemed to recognize as they were seated, presumably from Eto or Hashimoto’s side of the family and friends.

Perhaps things were going smoothly as she went to take a bite of the appetizers that went around the venue, crossing paths with someone unknowingly and continued to walk near the balcony to continue watching others dancing away into the night, the spotlight evidently going to the bride and groom as they slowly danced to the tune of [Mac Ayre's Slow Down](https://youtu.be/9jAjHucs8Q8).

Dazzled by the dimmed lights, she became laid back enough to miss the familiar presence of a certain someone that she had decided to let go of, approaching her without word.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she couldn’t make out the face of the masquerade mask that was coming straight to her, but she was certain that it was who she thought it was, quietly standing next to her as the slow music continued to grip at her heart.

**[Baby, I won't slow down**  
**And I won't say no**  
**Just one look and I think it's time to show**  
**I think that I already know]**

“I didn’t expect you to come,” she finally said as a few minutes had passed by, their shoulders barely inches away from each other as they continued to bask in each other’s presence.

The familiarity of Shiraishi’s physique had certainly thrown her off guard. Her throat tightened up upon realizing that the woman had been there for nearly the whole day–but never said a word to her until now.

“I didn’t either,” Shiraishi’s voice finally replied, as Nanase could sense her body slowly getting thrown into a stunned state–everything became hazy until the brunette decided to hold up her right hand, “I’m sure we both have a lot of things to say to each other, after all these years.”

Nanase could barely reply as she slowly lifted her hand to take in Shiraishi’s, noticing that her hand bore a few rings–one on her fourth.

Was it too early to jump to conclusions? Nanase knew that noticing that small detail wouldn’t do anything, so she was careful not to step over her boundaries now.

“Yes.”

She watched as Shiraishi, in a purple formal floor-length wedding dress, took her to the dance floor, there was no need to say anything as they were now older–their lived experiences were unknown to each other–but the feeling was reciprocal in understanding what the other wanted.

“So much for a dance,” Shiraishi sighed as Nanase realized that the familiarity of her perfume had caught her attention for sure. Slowly, she smiled nonetheless as one hand clasped tightly to the brunette’s, and the other wrapped around her waist as they began to slowly drift into the many other couples dwindling away from them.

Nanase had so many questions that she wanted to ask the older woman, but couldn’t bring herself to ask as she knew her place already. It was already selfish enough that she managed to find herself within the presence of the brunette who didn’t seem to mind her staring into her eyes.

“You must have a lot of questions that you want to ask me,” Shiraishi replied, “I will answer them, after I tell you something that I didn’t get to before.”

“What?” Nanase furrowed her brows as Shiraishi leaned in to rest her head against Nanase’s shoulder, which was amusing Sakurai and Eto from afar nonetheless.

“My response to your feelings–I left without a word. I’m here to tell you in person.” Shiraishi said curtly, looking to Nanase’s eyes which quickly wavered under her gaze.

“A-Ah, I see.” Nanase gave her a nod as she braced herself–it was too long now, that her heart was prepared to hear what she finally came back to say to her. It felt like they were still back when they were still college students, even though they were older now–growing through phases of maturity and life-changing choices.

Shiraishi smiled to her gently, “After all this time, I know that what we have between each other isn’t perfect nor has it been fully sorted out–but…I want you to give me a chance to love you.”

Nanase wasn’t prepared to hear everything come at her at once, as she froze for just a moment to process what was happening.

“Eh?” She tried to form something coherent, as she was grabbing at straws to respond to what was just said to her.

Shiraishi smiled at the younger woman nonetheless, continuing to lead Nanase around the floor with ease. Perhaps her appearance was suddenly something that she didn’t expect to be around for, but she was firm in coming to terms with the younger woman.

“I–What did you just say?” Nanase couldn’t believe it, after all this time that they spent with each other hadn’t been a waste after all. What the hell was that ring on her finger then?

“I don’t exactly want to keep dancing here if you can’t hear me,” Shiraishi replied, “I’m sure there’s a room somewhere we can use,” she pulled away from Nanase, who then watched as the brunette was gesturing her to follow along as she was stuck in a daze–still stunned at her sudden reappearance.

“Oh–” Sakurai excitedly tugged at Wakatsuki’s sleeve as she pointed to the two, “They’re going off somewhere!”

Wakatsuki chuckled as she recognized the two–Nanase’s white dove mask, and Shiraishi’s black laced mask with a purple rose, which she designed herself in secret from the other woman out of Misa’s request.

“Let’s hope for the best between them.”

-

Nanase watched as Shiraishi had shut the door between them–they were in the bridal room, the lights flickered on, shining brightly over their heads. The older woman turned around to pull off her masquerade mask and tossed it to the side before approaching the shorter haired woman.

“Where should we start?” Shiraishi asked, watching Nanase do the same, her eyes never moving away from the latter’s as they were next to each other.

Nanase waited for the brunette to start–she could see how Shiraishi’s beauty was still breath-taking as always, aging like fine wine. The familiar smile line on her cheek, the beauty mark on her upper lip–Nanase couldn’t believe that she was actually here.

_I must be losing it_, her mind in a haze before Shiraishi suddenly held onto her hand tightly.

“…I-I’m sorry that I left without saying anything to you.” The brunette’s voice quivered slightly, just enough to cause Nanase’s heart to drop.

“It was painful.” Nanase replied, her throat stuck as she couldn’t get out another word before Shiraishi nodded.

“We’ve done stupid things. Things that caused us so much pain,” Nanase tried to add more to it, but Shiraishi knew that they needed to come to terms, no matter what would happen from here–they had to overcome their faults.

“I know. I regret it–”

“So do I,” Nanase cut her off, “It’s…this wouldn’t have happened if I told you that I was going to move back then–I was afraid to lose you, afraid that you would forget me. And I thought that you no longer wanted to be near me.”

Nanase wanted to tell her about all the things that she had been keeping to herself, she needed to let go of it and tell it to the older woman in full truth.

Shiraishi bitterly smiled at Nanase’s reply, “It’s okay.” She knew already–being in Nanase’s shoes and seeing things from her point of view, only she could understand it as the one closest to her and ironically the farthest.

Nanase shook her head, “It was insufferable, knowing that I…began harboring this feeling towards you. I was too scared to do anything about it so I ran away like a stupid coward.” Tears began to fall from her eyes, unable to look at the older woman who had let go of her hand.

“There was too much at stake there,” Nanase continued, “I…couldn’t bear losing you as a friend, and thought everything would be alright if I disappeared from your life instead. And that–”

Shiraishi shook her head as she wrapped her arms around Nanase, engulfing her into a tight hug.

“I know, Nanase. I know that you had so much to lose there–but it hurt me to see that you’d think I would abandon you if you told me that you loved me,” Shiraishi’s eyes began to well-up, feeling Nanase’s hands slowly reach out to hug her softly.

Nanase’s tenderness and treating her as if she were fragile, was something that she chose to embrace.

“I’m not cold-hearted, Nanase. I want to be with you, and tell you that it’s okay–”

Nanase pulled away from Shiraishi, unable to fathom what the older woman was telling her.

“Why would you say that? I’m a terrible person,” Nanase continued, “I’ve been hiding so many things from you, I’m too closed up, too miserable and pathetic to even deserve to be near you. I basically tainted you.”

Her emotional outburst surprised even herself–as if she’d never thought that she would lose her stoic and composed image of herself.

“I don’t care, Nanase. You’re the most honest person I’ve known for a long time,” Shiraishi admitted, Nanase wasn’t one who would hide things without a reason. She would only stay truthful to the end–and even now, she believed that Nanase was just being herself, she had her own flaws.

“It’s okay to be you.” Shiraishi smiled, her tears falling as Nanase looked at her with a pained stare. “No matter what you think of yourself, I’ll be there to help you now.”

“…okay,” Nanase gave a small nod, seeing that the last thing she wanted to do, was worsen things. It was inevitable–she was beginning to gain confidence and hope in herself again, and towards the people around her.

“Maiyan. Thank you.”

The three magical words were never said–but the two could sense it through their body language, their shoulders comfortably touching against each other and light-hearted atmosphere that hovered in the air.

“I should be saying that,” Shiraishi chuckled as she handed the younger woman a box of tissues nearby, and blew her nose before looking at her with the most heart stopping smile she’d ever seen.

“Thank you, Nanase.” She paused, seeing how Nanase’s eyes had became less clouded, and more clearer in front of her.

“For waiting for me after all this time.”

-

When Shiraishi left, it was with the help of her father–who had found out that she was seeing Nanase. He was infuriated at first, but saw how his daughter had became much more composed and less boy-crazed lately. But that didn’t change his mind, as he was against the idea of Shiraishi being close friends with Nanase.

The things that he found in Nanase’s phone, were complied of unsent messages to Shiraishi. One after another, they were all about his daughter–her feelings that were purely of affection, it felt as if she was going to prey on her and pull her into the dark side. He was adamant to let his daughter roam freely as she liked–the outside world was just too dangerous.

When he saw his daughter reaching out to him, he was pleased–he had plans of sending her to study overseas, but noticed the change in her. She became less interested in the things around her, becoming an empty shell whenever he called or visited her.

He clenched his jaw tightly, knowing that Nanase was certainly the one who caused it all–making his daughter miserable and all that. He only knew the tip of the iceberg there, and continued to believe that Shiraishi was disgusted by Nanase’s homosexuality, when in reality, she was set on living her life quietly and understanding the world around her better.

Shiraishi attended a university in California, often studying and working on the campus. It was inevitable when she saw how common same-sex relationships was. Why was the world so against them for loving someone, no matter what their identity or gender was? It was then, when she knew that love wasn’t simple–for her to easily receive something so heavy, she wanted it to be authentic, and from someone who she treasured and felt the same way towards.

-

“So what’s the plan now?” Sakurai looked at Shiraishi who was sitting across her, taking a sip of her chamellia tea.

“What do you mean?” Shiraishi arched a brow as she was scrolling through her phone, waiting for a text message from Nanase.

“You know what I’m talking about, Barbie bombshell.” Sakurai rolled her eyes as Shiraishi glanced at her with an innocent look.

“Nanase’s birthday is coming up soon.”

Shiraishi smiled to herself, “Of course. It’s nothing fancy but I hope she can relax–working with animals may be fun, but it’s also laborious at the same time.”

A few days ago, Shiraishi had gotten to chance to come by Nanase’s workplace and found it fascinating–animals of all kinds were kept separately as they were being treated and cared for but it wasn’t merely just sunshine as there were also gruesome moments when some animals needed to be taken to surgery immediately.

The latter gave her a defeated sigh as she wondered what in the world the brunette was planning to do for the younger woman’s birthday.

“I wish you luck with whatever you’re planning on doing. Just don’t do something that’ll give Nanase an heart attack, will you? We need her here still.”

Shiraishi looked at her with an mysterious smile, as if she had already planned out everything ahead.

“Of course.”

-

“Not even _girlfriends_, and you’re already planning to ask for her hand in _marriage_?!”

Eto was astonished, slamming her palms on the desk in front of Nanase who winced at her raised voice.

“W-Well,” Nanase awkwardly nodded, her hands nervously fidgeting around as she tried to tell Eto what she wanted to do. “I know she’s busy but…I thought it would be good to tie the knot on my birthday?”

Eto rubbed the side of her temples as she looked at Hashimoto who was busy working at her computer screen, typing in their clients’ financial information to compile into a file.

“Not to mention that you slept with her before even going out with her back then–you’re making me want to scream at you both!”

Eto sighed before looking at Nanase who was squirming uncomfortably at the bluntness coming from the former.

“Ugh, I don’t even know how you two are able to see each other right now–both of you acting like little Virgin Marys after doing the dirty is driving me nuts!”

Nanase winced as Hashimoto nodded in agreement with Eto’s attitude–she could only give her an apologetic look and wish the best for the younger woman.

“We’re not getting any younger, you know.” Hashimoto said before she coughed, avoiding Eto’s menacing glare. “I’m sure Shiraishi wouldn’t mind.”

“Oh no, everything’s going backwards. My dear Maiyan isn’t ready for this–” Eto was about to faint if it weren’t for Hashimoto who was quick to get her a glass of water to refresh herself.

“Calm down, Misa. I’m sure everything will work out between them–only they know what’s best for their relationship.”

Eto wasn’t having it as Hashimoto wasn’t being lenient enough on the two.

“Oh,_ of course_ they do_…_” She glared at Nanase who quickly averted eye contact with her, reminded of the past when she was helping the younger woman at her lowest.

Hashimoto was sure she was going to sleep on the couch if she kept it up, quickly deciding to end the conversation there. “There, there. Nanase’s been grilled enough that she’s thinking it over.”

Of course, Nanase was thankful that Hashimoto was quick to fan out the flames coming from Eto herself. She knew that Eto wasn’t angry at her, the older woman deeply cared for the two, simply wanting to feel assured that they wouldn’t sabotage themselves again.

Knowing that Nanase and Shiraishi’s relationship was beyond imperfect, they were still stubborn enough to stick to each other even after their past falling outs. Maybe they were just meant to be with each other–she had nothing else to say, aside from letting Nanase get the green light.

“Nanase–I’ll give you two my blessings. Just don’t fuck up _again_. I will seriously beat you up if you do.”

She shot the latter a glare and did a throat-slitting motion against her neck.

“I won’t!” Nanase gave her a quick nod before she’d leave, knowing that she was prepared to face another of her life obstacles.

-

Nanase glanced at the clock after she had finished cleaning up after a few animals and the washing station, thinking that it was enough for the day.

“Happy birthday, Nishino!” Her receptionist flashed her a thumbs up as she was heading her way out of the office.

“Thank you, Saito.” She smiled, before closing the door and left the veterinary hospital.

She received some birthday congratulatory messages from her friends and family, quickly texting them back her gratitude for going out of their way to send her something. She knew that everyone was busy and that they could do it any other day.

However, it was a bit upsetting that she hadn’t received something from Shiraishi yet–who knew well and celebrated her birthdays with her in the past.

As she drove back home, she wondered if the older woman was busy with her modeling work. Apparently after Shiraishi had graduated, she found herself sought after by modeling agencies, finding work in fashion magazines and commercials overseas.

It wasn’t a surprise to Nanase in the beginning, it was well known among the country that Shiraishi was gaining recognition as a top celebrity overseas. She often passed by cosmetic departments and bookstores to see her glamorous face plastered all over the walls and on the news.

It threw her off at first a while back and brought back some memories, but she slowly got used to it, gradually accepting that the older woman’s beauty was just too irresistible to all the eyes of nurmerous passersby.

She has to admit, she became much more humbled about seeing the brunette and even finding the time to spend with her amidst of her busy work schedule.

Nanase took out the keys to her house, twisting it to unlock the entrance door before she removed her shoes.

“I’m home,” she declared to a dark empty space, tossing her shoes into the foyer before noticing that her dog wasn’t around.

“Mugita?” She called out, hoping that the dachshund wasn’t kidnapped or of some sort–until she noticed a faint light near the doorway to her living room. She nearly jumped at the touch of someone’s hand on her shoulder, when she realized that the culprit was Shiraishi herself.

“Welcome back, Naachan!”

“You nearly scared me!” Nanase could feel her heartbeat thumping loudly, relieved at the sight of the older woman at her home. She noticed the set up of her living room–a tablecloth and some dimly light candles surrounding her carpet and a few plates and silverware placed neatly on the coffee table.

“I thought you’d be busy with work?” She caught a glimpse of the older woman’s flowery apron, aware that she wasn’t merely loitering around her house about.

“Of course not,” Shiraishi smiled widely as she pulled Nanase’s coat off and threw it onto the clothes rack before pushing her towards an empty seat and gestured her to sit before she’d sit down across her. She removed her apron and set it aside, revealing a casual burgundy dress and a necklace that dangled on her neck.

“I should have dressed up a little,” Nanase awkwardly rubbed the back of her nape, realizing that she didn’t look too presentable herself with a simple blouse and blue jeans.

Shiraishi shook her head as she got back up to head into the kitchen, “That doesn’t matter, you’re probably tired after work anyways.”

Nanase gave a small nod nonetheless, wondering where the older woman went. She watched as Shiraishi returned with a few plates in her hand, placing them in front of the shorter haired woman.

“…you’re kidding me,” Nanase muttered under her breath as Shiraishi smiled widely at the sight of the younger woman wincing at one dish that consisted solely of eggplants stuffed with cheese and a bit of paprika and olive oil drizzled on it.

“It’s my birthday, why am I being tortured instead?” Nanase arched a brow as Shiraishi leaned towards her, holding a piece of the eggplant in front of her mouth.

“Try it?” Shiraishi was aware of the younger woman’s tastes and dislikes–she hoped that the latter would try new things once in a while.

Nanase could see how the brunette’s eyes seemed to be expectant towards her, causing her to just woman the hell up and take the bite.

It was surprisingly a good combination as she found herself enjoying the dish that Shiraishi had made herself.

“It’s good!” Nanase couldn’t help but acknowledge how loved she was by the older woman, smiling widely in bliss.

She could see Mugita hampering around Shiraishi’s leg as she went back to the kitchen to bring out several other dishes consisting of a medium-rare steak with asparagus, an avocado salad decorated with cucumbers and corn, and a variety of other dishes.

Nanase quickly got onto her feet to help out with the latter who grinned cheekily at her, before opening a bottle of red Pineau.

“I think you cooked quite a feast,” Nanase stared in amazement as Shiraishi gave her a shy nod, picking up the fork to take a bite out of the dishes that was lain before the two.

“You’ll eat it _all_, right?” The innocent smile coming from the older woman had gotten her good as she was unconsciously nodding in agreement, busy thinking about how Shiraishi’s cooking skills were superb in contrast to hers.

Nanase furrowed her brows as she noticed the smirk on Shiraishi’s face widening in glee as she leaned forward to stare at the latter closely.

“Everything? Every _last _bit?”

“H-Huh?! Hold on a second!”

-

Nanase didn’t think that Shiraishi was only kidding, but she at least managed to finish more than half of the dishes that she made and the cake that was prepared for her. She grinned as Shiraishi was reluctant to let her wash the dishes together at first, as it was her birthday but she didn’t mind.

The two clearly had no idea what to do as they sat next to each other after the dishes were done, wondering if they’d be fine.

“Oh, I also have something to give you,” Shiraishi suddenly said as Nanase quickly sat up, expecting something simple like a kiss. She was slightly disappointed as it wasn’t as she hoped, seeing the latter holding a gift box in front of her instead.

“It’s your present,” Shiraishi widely grinned as Nanase appeared flabbergasted for a second. "Happy birthday, Nanase."

“Gee, I wonder what could be inside. It looks large enough for a panda cub to fit in,” Nanase joked.

Shiraishi rolled her eyes at the remark, as much as she knew that Nanase adored the furry animal, it was impossible to get her an endangered species as a pet, not to mention the costs of feeding it daily added up quickly.

Nanase was already thankful that the older woman went out of her way to cook up a full course meal for her knowing how busy she was, but to know that she was thoughtful enough to get a present above that, she knew then that she was truly lucky to have Shiraishi by her side.

She opened the gift to box to see that the older woman had gotten her a planetarium projector, which she wasn’t at all expecting.

“It’s…so that your room doesn’t look lonely without me,” Shiraishi smiled widely as Nanase nodded, quickly getting up to set the projector.

“Thanks Maiyan, it’ll keep me company when you’re not here.”

Nanase grinned, as she knew that the older woman often traveled overseas for work, it’d be days before they’d meet again.

Together, they sat under the planetarium projector before Nanase would slowly extend her arm to wrap around Shiraishi’s shoulder. The stars projected all over the living room, giving the two a sense of euphoria.

“Maiyan,” she said, getting the brunette’s attention as she turned to look at her with a wide smile, “You’re the best person ever.”

Shiraishi knew that Nanase meant it from the heart at that moment.

“Stupid. I know I am.”

-

Shiraishi noticed the familiar backside of Nanase, dozing off on the couch as she had her manager drop her off at her condominium. The lamp was dim, but she was sure that it was the younger woman as there was no one else who knew the password to her place.

She tipped toe behind the couch to see that Mugita was also here, sleeping on her lap. She smiled at the sight of the younger woman who was waiting for her despite texting her that she would come home late and sleep instead.

There were no signs of the latter waking up soon, so she quickly tucked a strand of her hair behind her ears, and leaned over to gently press her lips against Nanase’s forehead before quickly pulling away with a wide smile in victory.

It was short lived, as Nanase had suddenly woken up and blushed at the sight of the older woman leaning over her.

“Hey Maiyan,” she softly spoke as the brunette looked at her cheekily despite getting caught red-handed.

“Sorry, I kind of missed you so…yeah.” Shiraishi trailed off awkwardly before the younger girl shook her head and held on to her hand, intertwining it as she pulled her closer.

Nanase cleared her throat as she continued to gaze into the brunette’s eyes, “I know it’s sudden, but would you be my girlfriend?”

Hearing the word _girlfriend_ come out of her mouth felt foreign, it was a label–but she wanted to be sure for once.

She knew that she had hesitated for a moment–but she wanted to let Shiraishi know what she was getting into. It would take months of gathering her own courage after spending countless hours together, to pop the question–verbally.

Shiraishi quickly nodded her head, feeling Nanase engulfing her into a hug. She smiled widely, it was never said between the two but they knew without saying that they wanted to be together for a long time. Their careful actions towards each other, did all the talking.

“Then can I ask you something too?”

Nanase furrowed her brows as she felt Shiraishi’s hands shuffling around her neck, before pulling away. She felt something attached to her neck and felt something circular. Her throat tightened up at the sight of the brunette nervously looking at her.

“Would you marry me?”

Nanase was caught off guard–she was sure that she was going to be the one to propose, but to have the brunette get one step ahead of her but instead she was the one to get stunned instead.

She looked down to see that a ring had been attached to the necklace–it was oddly familiar, before it hit her that it was the ring from months before, back when they had reunited in the bridal room of Eto and Hashimoto’s wedding. The ring that Shiraishi was wearing on her ring finger–she had no idea that it would be the ring that the brunette was planning to propose with.

“…yes,” she quietly nodded, embarrassed and unsure how to react–a stream of emotions were coming at her at once before Shiraishi pulled her into a tight hug. It was natural, and better later than never that they would become official. But they didn’t mind–all that mattered now, was that the other was here.

“It took us a long time to get here,” Shiraishi breathed as she felt Nanase’s hands pull her onto the couch and hovered over her, leaning down to gently press her lips against her temple.

Though the lights were dim, Shiraishi could see a twinkle in the latter’s eyes before she began to take off her blouse, slowly sliding her fingertips under her dress.

“You’re right. But I’m glad we’re here, together now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this turned out more slice of life-r than i thought, but it's been fun writing this with an open end. issa wrap folks


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